mickeym

Whereby 'fun' is code for 'again? seriously?':

While watching television last night, one of the ads that came on was for the "His and Hers KY" (or whatever it's called). Of course that prompted the question from Matthew, "what's that stuff for?"

*sigh*

The next fun question came about an hour later, preceded by the hair-raising prelude, "Mom, can I ask you a personal question about sex?"

*mentally steels self* Of course.

"Why would someone think it's not...good, that they don't enjoy...masturbating?"

*raises an eyebrow* "Well..."

That led to a twenty minute discussion about why someone might not enjoy self-pleasuring, including feeling guilty about it. When I told Matthew that a lot of people feel guilty about touching themselves because they're raised to believe that sex/nakedness/whatever is bad or wrong, he said, "why would anyone think that?"

Oh, Matthew.

So he said to me, "is that why you always answer my questions, because you don't want me to think I can't ask something?" I told him yes. No matter if the questions are embarrassing to me, it's worth it if it means he's not going to grow up thinking there's anything wrong with something that's natural and normal. Which of course led to more questions and discussion about the Victorian Era, and how it's only been thirty years or so since Homosexuality was removed from the DSMV as a mental illness.

Randomly: how many Pirates of the Caribbean movies are they going to make?? There's another one coming out shortly. That makes, what, four? Five?

Okay. Back to writing. I *will* finish this story today, or die trying. *nods determinedly*

'This' being the chance to laugh at me *g* I know raynedanser is probably still snorting and giggling.

( The latest in the serial of sex-and-Matthew: )

The Charmin commercials with the bears? Usually cute and kind of amusing. But the one that starts out with the Papa Bear crooning what sounds like Barry White WHILE CARESSING THE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER? That's just creepy. Yick.

Tomorrow I have the Trustee Meeting for my bankruptcy. I'm anxious, not so much about the meeting itself, but about getting there. Finding parking nearby. Not being late. I'm leaving ridiculously early -- 7a -- even though my appointment isn't until 930a. It's all the way downtown, which means the traffic will be crazy the later I wait to go. I'd rather be early and sit and read while waiting, than be late. But I'll be glad when it's over.

Matthew brought home a copy of the school newspaper today, and while reading through it he says, "hey mom, what does this spell?" and spells out 'provocative'. When I told him the word, then I had to explain to him (and Justin, natch) what it meant. I asked what it was used in. Apparently they had a school-wide poll, "do you think girls dress too provocatively" (or something to that effect). O_O

( The best conversation (lately) with my kid was a few days ago, after he went up to Walgreens to buy batteries for his XBox controllers: )

Update on the sunburn: it's actually a lot worse than I initially thought. I mean, it's healing now, not as bad as it was Thursday evening/night, but if I had to guesstimate, I'd put it at somewhere between first and second degree burn, probably edging close to the second degree. At least along his shoulders and at the top of his back. I noticed tonight, probably because I made him kneel down so it was easier to put lotion on him, that the skin there is actually bubbled a little. Not full-on blistered, but damn close, and I'll be keeping a close eye on it. Meanwhile he's taking cool showers, and we're alternating solarcaine and lotion applications, and alternating tylenol and advil, and the kid is probably close to drowning, I'm pushing so much water and gatorade on him. He's sleeping a lot, too, which is good. (It kind of freaked me out Friday, he LAID DOWN FOR A NAP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON. O_O)

I told him it's critical that he stay out of the sun probably for the next week, because any more burn on top of what he has probably would result in blisters. "So?" he asked, and I told him blisters can break and leave exposed raw skin/open sores, which can lead to infection. He didn't like the sound of that. He also didn't argue with me, so I think...maybe...he's learned a lesson from this.

Also, the job interview went well enough (have I mentioned lately how much I loathe group interviews? Or committee, whatever they're called? Ugh). I have another one Monday, different office (different county, even).

( Because of all the assorted uncomfortable topics flying around LJ and fandom this past week, Matthew and I had some incredible conversations. )

Anyone who reads this journal even semi-regularly knows my stance on talking to my kid and sharing information. I keep it to small bites at a time, since his attention span is only about <> big, and I keep it age-appropriate, but I feel -- always have -- that I'm not doing him any favors by shielding him from stuff, no matter what that 'stuff' might be, or how unpleasant it might be.

I sat down tonight with Matthew, and talked to him about what all went on this weekend, and why I was inordinately cranky and withdrawn. I'd flip-flopped on whether or not I was going to say anything, but one of the skits on RAW tonight (yes, wrestling twice a week *g*) involved one of the wrestlers getting up into a woman's face and doing the whole physical intimidation thing. The woman is not a popular character (most people boo and yell whenever she appears), and there were no doubt a bunch of different things the writers were intending to get a reaction for, but after an entire weekend-plus of discussions and comments and posts about non-consensual things, and sexual assault, and survivor stories... it was too much. Add to that was Matthew sitting there chanting, "do it! do it! do it!", and I told him to turn off the TV and get comfy, because we were going to talk.

I laid it all out for him. Gave him the background info, explained the differences between professional conventions and fan-run cons, and about safe fannish space etc., and then told him what went down, as people pieced events together. Explained to him how I wouldn't bring him with me any more, like I did in '08, because he's too much a guy now, and I wouldn't do that to my fellow con-goers. I told him about my experience with sexual assault and why I'm so adamant that he needs to wait a while longer yet before having sex. I told him I expect him to be a responsible, caring person if he ever EVER sees a woman (anyone really, but the focus of this conversation was women, natch) in trouble or if he suspects she might be in trouble. "I don't like to get involved in stuff that's not my business," he said, and I told him it was his responsibility in certain situations TO get involved. Call the cops, make sure the people don't leave. Whatever it takes.

Asked him if he would get involved if it was Ruby or Sophie (his cousins), and he said yes. I said that every woman is someone's sister, cousin, aunt, mother...and every woman deserves nothing less than to know someone will come to her aid if she needs it, and not just if someone is taking advantage of her sexually, but in any way. (Had to tie it back into why the skit on RAW upset me so much.) That it is NEVER OKAY for anyone to intimidate anyone else, or make them feel afraid or uncomfortable, and unfortunately it happens a lot with guys intimidating women.

This wasn't the first time we've discussed this, and it won't be the last time, but each time I think he gets a little better understanding (I hope) of what it means for a woman to have to navigate her way through what is still, in so many ways, a man's world -- and the dangers we face every day, doing so. I'm hoping to instill in him a sense of responsibility to look out for people in general, because it's the right thing to do.

And now, I think I'm going to go collapse. What a bunch of days this has been, hasn't it? *dies*

OHMYGOD. Matthew's been up on my computer because I'm down here on the laptop, and he just comes down the stairs and says "I heard this buzzing sound and I was looking around, and I opened a drawer on your desk and found this thing, and what is it?" So I asked him if it's lavender and he said "no, it's silver." (it's really lavender)... and he says "so what is it?" To which I said "it's a vibrator, Matthew." And he's all "what is it?" "it's a vibrator." "Huh?" "IT'S A SEX TOY OKAY?" "Ohmy GOD, Mother!"

Ahh, kids. Life is never, ever, EVER dull with them around.

*headdesk*

In all my !!!!! over packing and the debate and everything last night, I forgot the share the absolute highlight of my day yesterday:

Matthew: "Every girl hates me."
Me: "...I doubt every girl in the wor--"
Matthew: "All the girls in my school hate me."
Me: "I seriously doubt it, honey. They're just like you: not sure what to say/do."
Matthew: "I don't want to die a virgin, mom."
Me: "...!!!..."

WE WERE IN THE CAR, people! I WAS DRIVING!

Seriously, it's a testament to my driving skills that I didn't wreck, because if there was anything I was expecting him to say? It wasn't THAT.

*headdesk*

Definitely need to reiterate the "always use condoms, always!" speech.