mickeym

I've been pretty removed from all things fannish lately. A combination of trying to get my big bang finished and also just the sheer amount of mental/emotional energy that unemployment/job-hunting/living at poverty level brings.

To tell the truth, I had so much trouble writing my big bang that I was honestly afraid that I'd reached the end of my fannish period for SPN. I've wondered for a while now, because I just couldn't bring myself to care much about anything to do with the show or the actors or the characters since the finale. Part of it is my RL stuff. But part of it, too, is a combination of the gut-wrenching ending we got for S5 and the whole twisty mess of getting over-involved with RPF. However happy I am that the guys seem to be happy getting married and doing their newly-wed thing, there's still a tiny part of me that will forever wish there could really be a Jared-n-Jensen. *shrug* I am in touch with reality enough to know there won't be, but I wish there could be.

I've been in SPN fandom now since early in 2006, which puts me at about 4.5 years. The fandom has changed a LOT in that time. Not for better or worse, just change, but any of y'all who know me know that change often shakes me up. So I figure some of my ambivalence toward fandom and SPN is probably due to that, as well.

I'm not ready to be done with SPN -- and fortunately, I don't think it's ready to be done with me. I rewatched the S5 finale earlier, and cried, which I like to think I wouldn't do if I didn't still feel invested in it. I want to write more. I want to get involved again. In some ways, I feel like I'm starting all over with it, because so many of my friends that I met through SPN have moved on, or disappeared, while I'm still here. I hope things pick up again once the new season starts, but even so, fandom in general is kind of all about new beginnings, isn't it? No matter what your particular fannish interest and when/where you start, there's always a beginning there somewhere.

I've seen a lot of posts and comments scattered around about stuff that came out during ComicCon. Spoilers for S6, pictures, panels -- if anyone could point me toward specific posts, or PM me with information, I would love you forever. Don't put spoilers in the comments, please, because I know a lot of my friends are not spoiler-friendly and I don't want to inadvertently ruin things for someone else. But links are good, or, like I said, a PM with all the info you might have :)

I've just been re-reading veronamay's Nine Lives, Cat's Eyes (and crying over it, because it's sad, but not, and so gorgeous). It's Sam/Alec, future!fic (duh). Dean's gone, and Sam's...made a sort of peace with that, and himself.

And it got me thinking, about why I love the idea of Sam/Alec so much.

They are two of a kind, I think. They're both warriors, they've known personal and not-personal battle and losses. Unless some sort of miracle happens, Sam will lose Dean to the deal, so he'll be as alone as Alec is. Alec has friends, sure. But it's unlikely there would ever be a romance between him and Max, nor between him and Logan. Sam and Alec both need someone, even if they're not setting up house together. Someone to call when it's late and they're tired, but sleep is elusive. Someone to text when things are boring. Someone that the other knows cares about them, and will wonder what happened if they suddenly stop hearing from them.

I think this is probably the part where I say "I'm clearly a hopeless romantic; back away if that scares you".

If Sam can't have Dean -- and the only reason I could buy that is if Dean's dead -- then I want him to have Alec. And hell, I'm all for Sam/Dean/Alec...I think the three of them would be a good fit.

So, who out there knows of some Sam/Alec or Sam/Dean/Alec stories they want to steer me towards? (Or, y'know, write, because you love me and want me to be happy?)

Now I think I'll see if I can't stop crying, pull myself together, and get ready for bed. Because it's late, and I really need to get to sleep. Ugh.

Five icons. Very basic, because my icon-fu isn't very strong *g* They're all shareable, and if you want to credit me, that's cool, but it's not a big deal. Enjoy the feets :)

Title: Kisses Like Salt
Pairing: Sam/Dean, Sam/Madison
Rating: PG13, I guess
Spoilers: For Heart
Word Count: 100
Notes: Just a drabble. I really, really love Heart. It breaks mine, every time I watch it.



( She tasted salty. )

Title: Girls Rock Your Boys
Pairing: Sam/Jess, implied Sam/Dean
Rating: NC17
Word Count: ~4100
Spoilers: None; this is pre-pilot
Warnings: pegging, implied incest
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and I'm not making any money off them. Sadly.
Notes: This is all poisontaster's fault. Seriously, she started it. "I want to write some Sam/Jess pegging fic", she says. Then complained because it kept turning angsty. I laughed, and this is karma. Because oh, yes, angst-a-rama, along with the porn. Heh. Anyway, it's her fault, but I also have to give poisontaster ginormous hugs and thank-yous for whipping this sucker into shape. You kick ass as a beta, honey :) Enjoy the story, y'all. :)

Summary: Sometimes Sam just needs something more.



( Girls Rock Your Boys )

Title: Angel Tears
Author: Mickey M.
Pairing No pairing; it's Gen (wee!Winchesters)
Word Count: ~850
Rating: G
Spoilers/Warnings: None. Pre-series.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made.
Notes: Written for the spnflashfic challenge, Supernatural 101
Summary: Sam wants to know what salt is.


( Angel Tears )

Come one, come all, you know you want to answer :)

YES, I'm procrastinating again. I opened the story file an hour ago, and ended up with 900 words of flashfic gen. Sheesh.

( Poll: Sam and Dean, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G... )

Title: Gift From the God(desses)
Pairing: Sam/girl!Dean
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~1370
Warnings: Genderswap, incest
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: They're not mine, and I'm not making any money from this (though I am having fun *g*).
Notes: I'm posting this as slash, even though Dean's a girl -- because Dean, at least, still thinks of himself as a guy.

A little while back, valiant wrote this really freakin' hot genderswap thing, and I loved it a whole lot. It's girl!Dean, and he's crampy and miserable, and Sam just wants to make him feel better. I comment-porned in her entry, but I liked the idea, too--so I took the 300 or so words, and, um. Added another 1000? Heh. Also, kudos to ellipsisblack. You totally know why :)

Hope y'all enjoy the story!



( Gift from the God(desses) )

Title: In Thine Eyes
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~2600
Spoilers: Very vague for S1; takes place between Dead Man's Blood and Salvation
Warnings: Incest
Disclaimer: I don't own them; that honor belongs to Kripke, et al.
Notes: I originally meant this to be for destina, for her birthday. Then I didn't get it done in time, and then it didn't end up being what I'd originally planned. So, um, Des, I'll try again :) Many thanks to pierson, synecdochic, nu_breed and poetdiva28 for reassurance and handholding, and huge thanks and kudos to janissa11 for the fantastic beta. *hugs* I hope y'all enjoy the story.

Summary: John makes a discovery he really didn't want.



( In Thine Eyes )

Title: Ashes to Ashes
Pairing/Characters: mostly Sam, but Sam/Jess (implied)
Rating: PG13
Word Count: ~1000
Spoilers: for the pilot
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I don't own them; that privilege belongs to Kripke, et al.
Notes: Takes place right after the pilot ends, and before Wendigo. Just a little bit that floated into my head and wouldn't leave until I wrote it out. It's kind of a different style for me, so I hope it works. Hope y'all enjoy it :)
Summary: After the fire, Sam's trying to pick up the pieces.



( Sam digs through the ruins of the apartment mechanically, ignoring the worried looks Dean keeps throwing his way. )