educating the next generation
May. 11th, 2010 12:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mickeymAnyone who reads this journal even semi-regularly knows my stance on talking to my kid and sharing information. I keep it to small bites at a time, since his attention span is only about <> big, and I keep it age-appropriate, but I feel -- always have -- that I'm not doing him any favors by shielding him from stuff, no matter what that 'stuff' might be, or how unpleasant it might be.
I sat down tonight with Matthew, and talked to him about what all went on this weekend, and why I was inordinately cranky and withdrawn. I'd flip-flopped on whether or not I was going to say anything, but one of the skits on RAW tonight (yes, wrestling twice a week *g*) involved one of the wrestlers getting up into a woman's face and doing the whole physical intimidation thing. The woman is not a popular character (most people boo and yell whenever she appears), and there were no doubt a bunch of different things the writers were intending to get a reaction for, but after an entire weekend-plus of discussions and comments and posts about non-consensual things, and sexual assault, and survivor stories... it was too much. Add to that was Matthew sitting there chanting, "do it! do it! do it!", and I told him to turn off the TV and get comfy, because we were going to talk.
I laid it all out for him. Gave him the background info, explained the differences between professional conventions and fan-run cons, and about safe fannish space etc., and then told him what went down, as people pieced events together. Explained to him how I wouldn't bring him with me any more, like I did in '08, because he's too much a guy now, and I wouldn't do that to my fellow con-goers. I told him about my experience with sexual assault and why I'm so adamant that he needs to wait a while longer yet before having sex. I told him I expect him to be a responsible, caring person if he ever EVER sees a woman (anyone really, but the focus of this conversation was women, natch) in trouble or if he suspects she might be in trouble. "I don't like to get involved in stuff that's not my business," he said, and I told him it was his responsibility in certain situations TO get involved. Call the cops, make sure the people don't leave. Whatever it takes.
Asked him if he would get involved if it was Ruby or Sophie (his cousins), and he said yes. I said that every woman is someone's sister, cousin, aunt, mother...and every woman deserves nothing less than to know someone will come to her aid if she needs it, and not just if someone is taking advantage of her sexually, but in any way. (Had to tie it back into why the skit on RAW upset me so much.) That it is NEVER OKAY for anyone to intimidate anyone else, or make them feel afraid or uncomfortable, and unfortunately it happens a lot with guys intimidating women.
This wasn't the first time we've discussed this, and it won't be the last time, but each time I think he gets a little better understanding (I hope) of what it means for a woman to have to navigate her way through what is still, in so many ways, a man's world -- and the dangers we face every day, doing so. I'm hoping to instill in him a sense of responsibility to look out for people in general, because it's the right thing to do.
And now, I think I'm going to go collapse. What a bunch of days this has been, hasn't it? *dies*
I sat down tonight with Matthew, and talked to him about what all went on this weekend, and why I was inordinately cranky and withdrawn. I'd flip-flopped on whether or not I was going to say anything, but one of the skits on RAW tonight (yes, wrestling twice a week *g*) involved one of the wrestlers getting up into a woman's face and doing the whole physical intimidation thing. The woman is not a popular character (most people boo and yell whenever she appears), and there were no doubt a bunch of different things the writers were intending to get a reaction for, but after an entire weekend-plus of discussions and comments and posts about non-consensual things, and sexual assault, and survivor stories... it was too much. Add to that was Matthew sitting there chanting, "do it! do it! do it!", and I told him to turn off the TV and get comfy, because we were going to talk.
I laid it all out for him. Gave him the background info, explained the differences between professional conventions and fan-run cons, and about safe fannish space etc., and then told him what went down, as people pieced events together. Explained to him how I wouldn't bring him with me any more, like I did in '08, because he's too much a guy now, and I wouldn't do that to my fellow con-goers. I told him about my experience with sexual assault and why I'm so adamant that he needs to wait a while longer yet before having sex. I told him I expect him to be a responsible, caring person if he ever EVER sees a woman (anyone really, but the focus of this conversation was women, natch) in trouble or if he suspects she might be in trouble. "I don't like to get involved in stuff that's not my business," he said, and I told him it was his responsibility in certain situations TO get involved. Call the cops, make sure the people don't leave. Whatever it takes.
Asked him if he would get involved if it was Ruby or Sophie (his cousins), and he said yes. I said that every woman is someone's sister, cousin, aunt, mother...and every woman deserves nothing less than to know someone will come to her aid if she needs it, and not just if someone is taking advantage of her sexually, but in any way. (Had to tie it back into why the skit on RAW upset me so much.) That it is NEVER OKAY for anyone to intimidate anyone else, or make them feel afraid or uncomfortable, and unfortunately it happens a lot with guys intimidating women.
This wasn't the first time we've discussed this, and it won't be the last time, but each time I think he gets a little better understanding (I hope) of what it means for a woman to have to navigate her way through what is still, in so many ways, a man's world -- and the dangers we face every day, doing so. I'm hoping to instill in him a sense of responsibility to look out for people in general, because it's the right thing to do.
And now, I think I'm going to go collapse. What a bunch of days this has been, hasn't it? *dies*
