mickeym

I've been pretty removed from all things fannish lately. A combination of trying to get my big bang finished and also just the sheer amount of mental/emotional energy that unemployment/job-hunting/living at poverty level brings.

To tell the truth, I had so much trouble writing my big bang that I was honestly afraid that I'd reached the end of my fannish period for SPN. I've wondered for a while now, because I just couldn't bring myself to care much about anything to do with the show or the actors or the characters since the finale. Part of it is my RL stuff. But part of it, too, is a combination of the gut-wrenching ending we got for S5 and the whole twisty mess of getting over-involved with RPF. However happy I am that the guys seem to be happy getting married and doing their newly-wed thing, there's still a tiny part of me that will forever wish there could really be a Jared-n-Jensen. *shrug* I am in touch with reality enough to know there won't be, but I wish there could be.

I've been in SPN fandom now since early in 2006, which puts me at about 4.5 years. The fandom has changed a LOT in that time. Not for better or worse, just change, but any of y'all who know me know that change often shakes me up. So I figure some of my ambivalence toward fandom and SPN is probably due to that, as well.

I'm not ready to be done with SPN -- and fortunately, I don't think it's ready to be done with me. I rewatched the S5 finale earlier, and cried, which I like to think I wouldn't do if I didn't still feel invested in it. I want to write more. I want to get involved again. In some ways, I feel like I'm starting all over with it, because so many of my friends that I met through SPN have moved on, or disappeared, while I'm still here. I hope things pick up again once the new season starts, but even so, fandom in general is kind of all about new beginnings, isn't it? No matter what your particular fannish interest and when/where you start, there's always a beginning there somewhere.

I've seen a lot of posts and comments scattered around about stuff that came out during ComicCon. Spoilers for S6, pictures, panels -- if anyone could point me toward specific posts, or PM me with information, I would love you forever. Don't put spoilers in the comments, please, because I know a lot of my friends are not spoiler-friendly and I don't want to inadvertently ruin things for someone else. But links are good, or, like I said, a PM with all the info you might have :)

So far, I'm less than impressed with 2010. I'm having to fight the overwhelming urge to just crawl into bed, pull the covers up over my head, and stay there. I blame the cold and the fact that it's been cloudy and/or snowing for the past three days. (I think we hit 20F today. Maybe. Our low tonight is supposed to be 7. I haven't been able to breathe well in about four days, because of the extreme cold and the dry air in the house, from the heater running constantly.)

Doug wasn't able to send the full amount of child-support. He was laid off for the last couple weeks of December, so I was half-expecting it, but he waited until he was sending the payment to tell me for sure. Doing better at communication, still have a little ways to go. Fortunately I can pay what needs to be paid right now, and just use the difference (which he assures me will come next Friday) when it gets here for groceries next week. But gah.

I have friends who are having some really rough spots in their lives right now, and I wish so much that I could just wave a wand and fix things for them. :( I hate that it's not even a possibility.

The graphic art that counteragent has done really kind of hit home for me. Not so much in the sense of I hide who I am NOW (because we all know I don't, really), or what I do...but. (And for those of you who've known me a while, you've probably heard this story before. So I apologize you're hearing it again.) For those of you who haven't known me long, here's my tale of Family-Finds-Out.

( Actually, I never hid it from Doug, and he tolerated it with (mostly) good grace. My mom, on the other hand... )

I did like the graphic art (I don't feel like I can call it a comic, because I always think of comics as funny things, and that didn't really strike me as funny), even as it hit kind of close to home for me (and probably even closer, for a lot of people).

Now I suppose I should go fold laundry, or something. 7:13 is too early to go back to bed, isn't it? *sigh*

ETA: I need to clarify that what I said above? Is for ME. I don't think it's cowardly, or bad, or anything, if you keep your fannish life to yourself; if you feel you can't/shouldn't share it, that's definitely your individual call. I really hope no one would ever think I would call them a coward for keeping something potentially damaging (unfortunately) to themselves. *hugs flist*