how not to attract readers (or, still wheezing, still grumpy)

[mickeym]

So, I've been in fandom a while, right? Fourteen years and counting. (And all of it online. Jesus.) I know I'm kind of set in my ways; I'm very reluctant and slow to try new fandoms, or pairings, much less new authors. That's one of the reasons I volunteered to do the RPS post for crack_impala, to occasionally force me out of my comfort zone and make me try new authors. (Though, I have to ask: doesn't anyone post finished stories anymore? I swear 90% of all stories these days seem to be part x/??. But I digress.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Reluctant to try new authors. I'm doing better about it, most of the time. But I can guarantee a sure-fire way to ensure I don't ever read your story:

Rating: NC17
Pairing: S/D, D/OFC
Warnings: OOC, AU, PWP
Disclaimer: Don't own, am not making any money so pls don't sue!
A/N: I played fast and loose with our boys. It’s not really meant to follow a particular story line, so you will find that practically this whole thing is OOC. And as just joined the Wincest ranks, I took what I liked and ran with it. My first SPN ficlet so pls be gentle.

Don't be lazy. The names are not that long. Spelling out "Sam/Dean" is a whole extra five characters' worth of typing.

Don't tell me it's "OOC". If you're writing something you consider to be "out of character", you're not writing Sam and Dean (or whatever fandom characters are involved)... so why would I want to read it?

If you can't manage decent grammar (not to mention spelling) in the header, why should I assume you've managed it in the body of your story?

This story could well be an incredibly awesome story, but it's not going to get read (by me certainly; probably by a bunch of others as well, because I know I'm not the only one this annoys). Why? Because you, as the author, have given me no reason to want to read it, and a lot of reasons to NOT want to read it. I know this is supposed to be fun and a hobby and all the rest, but for heaven's sake, have a little pride in what you're posting. Make an effort to make people want to read what you've written. Otherwise, why bother posting it publicly at all?

This post brought to you courtesy of too much benedryl, not nearly enough breath or sleep, and a terminal case of the crankies. Also, someday? I promise to post something fun and happy and cheerful again. I swear. I hate being all *grump grump grump*.

Comments

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

Yes and yes.

There was a story I came across tonight. ONLY reason I saw any of it was that it wasn't cut (ACK). It was horrid - no punctuation. ill instead of I'll - shit like that. They actually used pls in the story.

Just. No.

(edited because my keyboard is sticking on me at random and I had to fix something)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

They actually used pls in the story.

*jaw drops* Seriously? Oi.

Now occasionally? I'll abbreviate something in a regular post (I do 'obvs' mostly, dunno why). But not in a fiction post.

I blame texting, partially, for some of this. And 'netspeak'. But pretty much everything comes with a spellcheck these days -- I have five little red squiggles in this comment! Geez.

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Seriously. It was pretty atrocious and I REALLY wanted to say something, but bit my tongue. How do you say something like that nicely?

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is usually my badfic icon, but something like that wouldn't even make my eyes move, because I wouldn't be reading it.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you *g*

[rejeneration.livejournal.com]

If I had a nickel for every time I slipped a typo into the header of a story... man, I'd be retired off the Cape in a five bedroom, three and a half bath. I swear.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Nah, the occasional typo, dude, we all do them. My issue isn't with typos. My issue is... well. A lot of things, but mostly with the whole "OOC" thing. Why put that in there? Characterization is a tricky thing anyway; we all have a slightly different spin on what we think of as 'in character' for Sam, Dean, Jared, Jensen, etc., so interpretation is open and variable. But telling the reader that you as the writer feel the story is out of character right from the start? Why even use the SPN characters?

That's really my main issue here. Well, that and a terminal case of the grumpies, which hopefully will go away very soon. :)

[annella.livejournal.com]

yeeeeaaaah I'd probably avoid that...

That said, when I was first starting out in a fandom I probably made fic headers like that. *L* I learned pretty damn quick... XD

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I probably should flock this because it's mostly just me being cranky. *g* And... I'm trying to remember if we even USED headers when I was first starting out in fandom. They weren't quite what they are now, for certain.

I dunno, I just--that header really rubbed me wrong. I think it was the combination of the 'OOC', plus the 'pls' and abbreviating the pairing names (seriously, five extra characters, good grief). Any one of those, I'd have just sailed on past without really even blinking. But all of them together? Plus being grumpy? Not a good combo.

[annella.livejournal.com]

lololol I just posted angry ranty all-caps post of RAGE. I have no problems with people being cranky on their LJs! XD

abbreviating character names drives me nuts. that and smooshed pairings. DNW DNW DNW. D:

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Oh, the smooshed pairings. O_O My fandom before this one was popslash, where we had all kinds of cute smoosh names. "Trickyfish" "JoLa" "ChoLa" "TrickC". Just give me the damn names. That's all I need *g*

We shall be cranky together! :)

[annella.livejournal.com]

Those are kind of cute! I come from HP fandom, where it was all Drarry and Snarry and Dramione and Harmony and oh jesus I hated it. I refused to use the word 'Drarry' in connection to ANYTHING I wrote!

(Dastiel/Destiel makes me want to reach through my computer screen and punch people.)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Ah, gotcha. Okay, yes, the HP name-smooshes are kind of scary. Not unlike some of the BtVS ones ("Spuffy"? OH HELL NO). And ditto on the Dastiel/Destiel. I actually even cringe a little over 'Samifer', but I get that's not a pairing so much as a way to separate Lucifer from *Sam*.

Even so. *shudders*

[ou-peachus.livejournal.com]

I do remember, however, that in Buffy just initials were used often. Well, in the 'old days', flashback a decade! I don't know about now. And in HP before the 'Snarry' shit started. (Snupin? Really ppl?) Like B/A for Buffy/Angel and W/F for Willow/Faith. Then when you had more characters it moved to both initials like HP/DM for Harry/Draco.

So that part doesn't bother me. (In fact, it took me a while to *not* put S/D when posting about them.) I think it is probably more bothersome in this fandom because of things like D/S (Dean/Sam) being confused with D/s (Dom/sub)? Or am I wrong on that? Also J/J is kinda stupid, plus it could be Jensen, Jared, Jim and Jeffrey....

But the rest? Yeah, totally with you on that. I'll be very honest and say that 90% of the time I do not read the author's notes. Usually I only read them if a. there seems to be something important in them like a link, maybe to a pic or something, or after I have read the fic and want to know more details. I found myself being put off by comments like this or 'I had a few minutes and chugged this out' or, as dine said, "this wasn't beta'd" because it puts me in the 'this might be crap' mood before I even start reading.

(And am now feeling all shifty cuz I'm hoping *I* didn't rec something with that bad of an introduction (or whatever its called.)*biteslip*

This kinda makes me wonder if that bothers authors if people don't read the notes? You're an amazing author and love every story you write but I still might not read the 'introduction' details. From your perspective, does that matter?

[nopseud]

I do remember, however, that in Buffy just initials were used often.

I think that's one of those conventions that varies from fandom to fandom. You don't get much more old-skool slash than Original Trek, and they use single letters pretty commonly (K/S). Same with Blakes' 7. I was a little confused by that when I moved from Blakes to popslash, but I pretty quickly realised that using just initials really wouldn't work in another fandom where everyone's a J. :-)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

but I pretty quickly realised that using just initials really wouldn't work in another fandom where everyone's a J. :-)

*snicker* Yes. Quite.

Which is a reason it wouldn't work in CWRPS either, since three of the guys often written about... are Js ;)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Like I said to someone...somewhere in these comments...it was more a combination of all the things that really sent me over the edge. Individually, they were annoying but ignorable. I've seen the single-letter pairing designations in a lot of fandoms I've been in, read in, whatever. But by and large, in SPN, we see the whole name spelled out and it just caught me off-guard, y'know?

For myself, personally? I try to keep headers/notes to a minimum--because I know not everyone does (or wants to) read them. I also try to keep them simple and readable, because they can get weird quickly. Too many acronyms in that one up above, for sure.

[ou-peachus.livejournal.com]

THIS THIS THIS.

I kept feeling guilty because I keep getting annoyed at 'Samifer'. I also am not a fan of the 'Samulet'. *cringes* I'm sorry. I know some people think its cute and I mean no disrespect.

Oddly enough, I am not annoyed at 'Pada-' stuff. I kinda like Padahugs, Padacock, Padapaws, and Padalocks. (Possibly because I would love to have some Padahugs, would pay handsomely to see the Padacock, have an obsession with wanting to watch the Padapaws touch Jensen's face and could spend hours sniffing and rubbing the Padalocks. But I digress...) But why in the world this doesn't bother me and the other does, I haven't a clue!

[ou-peachus.livejournal.com]

LOL, I didn't mean to reply to my own comment! But to yours, lol.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Not a fan, either, of the 'Samulet'. I'm still not sure I understand WHY it even came into being. Unless in that case Sam's supposed to be the amulet? *shakes head*

The Pada- stuff... eh. I find "Padacock" amusing. The rest, I'm not sure I've even seen those. Thankfully, I think *g* (However, the icon I'm using here is keyword: Padabelly ;))

[dine.livejournal.com]

oh yeah. the only thing that gets me moving away faster is when they statements like: it's probably not that good, I did this in a hurry and it wasn't beta'd, and (proudly?) admit to ignoring characterization

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Yeah, those too. *sigh* I know that way back in my early fannish days I did the "it's probably not that good" thing at least a couple times. Then someone sat me down, whapped me gently upside the head and said, "don't do that and here's why".

As far as I'm concerned, stating (in the warnings, no less!) that your story is OOC is the same thing as admitting to ignoring characterization, so, yeah. Thanks, but I'll pass.

[ninhursag.livejournal.com]

I've always had the vague idea that stories like that are just intended as some kind of social interaction gambit. Maybe the writer doesn't care much about writing as much as 'doing fandom' and thinks that the only way to participate in fandom is to produce something? The chatty style of the headers is more like they're trying to have a conversation with you, the potential audience, rather than get you to read their story, if that makes any sense.

That said, I wouldn't read a story with a header like that either, unless it had one of my rarely found but bullet proof kinks.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Huh. That's an...interesting take on it. And I can see it, now you've pointed it out to me (and given the appalling amount of text-speak and net-speak out there, it makes even more sense).

But I'm still not sure I could/would read it, even if it had one of my bullet proof kinks in it. *g*

[ninhursag.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you may have noticed I'm kind of a glutton for punishment when it comes to bullet proof kinks *g*

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I HAVE noticed that, yes *g*

It's okay; I know a bunch of people who do that ;)

[ou-peachus.livejournal.com]

I find great delight in your icon, btw.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I think it fits into my life very nicely *g*

[kaiz.livejournal.com]

I've always had the vague idea that stories like that are just intended as some kind of social interaction gambit.

Ditto. Sort of like someone at a cocktail party who wants to move from the fringes of a conversation to fully participating in it.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I find that a very interesting analogy, and it's kind of making me want to do some sort of polling to find out how many people think of it like that.

[kaiz.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm projecting a bit since that's kind of how I felt when I first started writing fanfic. I'd lurked for a long time and saw these wonderful writers whom I admired participating in this great 'conversation' with other writers and readers and I wanted to be a part of that beyond writing LOCs. It's one reason why I have mostly written challenge-fic and gift-fic, over the years and why that kind of fic generally feels the most satisfying for me to write.

[ninhursag.livejournal.com]

I could be projecting too, because that's part of why I write fanfic. I mean, I do have a head full of stories and enjoy writing for its own sake over and above interaction, but I'm not sure I'd feel the need to write fanfic specifically without the social component. I have no trouble imagining someone who doesn't have an interest in the writing component at all and seeing it in a lot of stories/headers that make no sense otherwise.

The thing is, as a social gambit it works! A fairly large percentage of my flist are people that decided to interact with me because at one point they liked something I wrote.

[kaiz.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I'd feel the need to write fanfic specifically without the social component

Ditto. In fact, for me, I'm kind of all about the audience component (even if it's just an audience of 1 other person), which kind of dampens my enthusiasm for tackling my original fic ideas. *g*

The thing is, as a social gambit it works! A fairly large percentage of my flist are people that decided to interact with me because at one point they liked something I wrote.

Exactly! :-)

At this point I can't remember if I even got the first fic I ever wrote betaed before I posted it to a list. I might not have, like the author mickeym mentioned above, although I suspect that I did spell-check it first. *eg* I know that I've definitely used beta requests to get into a new fandom from time to time (e.g. "Hey flist/LJ comm, I'm dipping my toe in Fandom X, anyone willing to beta a story for me?") and met folks I didn't know as a result. So yeah, it pretty much works. There is nearly always *someone* out there who is intrigued enough to click and maybe leave a comment, thereby widening the conversation.

[munibunny.livejournal.com]

I clicked on it because I was curious just how OOC it was... And, yeah, it was. I think I got about a paragraph in before closing the window. Just saying. I'm sure it was fine. There are a whole bunch of fics that totally make me frown and go "WTF" that people love so... to each his own, right?

As for WIPs, yeah there are so many I forget which ones I'm reading. I think I wouldn't mind so much if the chapters were more substantial than 500 words a pop. You know what I mean? (Says the person with two as yet unfinished WIPs)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Yeah, see, that's what I was saying to Jen further up. Characterization is such a tricky thing -- and very definitely a personal thing. We all see/interpret things differently, so it's all subjective anyway... why throw your potential readers off by announcing that YOU think it's out of character?

The WIPs are particularly annoying when trying to come up with recs for the C_I post. And 500 words is NOT a chapter. It's a ficlet. Barely.

[shakespearsgrl2.livejournal.com]

AMEN!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

:)

[bleu-eyed-ace.livejournal.com]

THIS!

Yeah, I saw this same header (last night, maybe?) and all I thought was... NO. Most everything about it just screams... NO.

I'm glad you feel the same way!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Probably last night, yeah. That's when I saw it. And I'm not...trying to make fun of it or anything; I didn't read the story, so I have no idea if it's any good or not. But yeah, everything about what WAS presented just screamed NO to me.

[triceybabe.livejournal.com]

wow... I don't really know what to say to defend myself. Yes, the fic is mine. Didn't think that this fandom was different. I'm used to warning people about fics. If a particular warning squicks, don't read. The fandoms Im in for the most part does the same. Its consideration. I'd hate to accidently read a fic that has John raping Dean. Thats what a warning is for. So I don't have to read it if I don't want. I usually write in the HarryPotter fandom and have many friends that are great writers there who does the same thing. HP/SS, DM/HG So i did not expect to be attacked by just doing something i'm used to. Don't know what else to say. Stumbled onto here because I wanted to read a fic of yours and I still will. Everyone is entitled to their opinions.

[kitanabychoice.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I'm right here with you. I haven't read anything in the SPN fandom from new authors because I am pretty terrified of running into some severe DNW. I am a stickler for grammar, and if the heading is done wrong, I will assume everything is like the header and is done wrong.

I also have a pet peeve with the OOC labeling. If you know it's OOC, why not work on revising it so that it's less OOC? =/

[mistyzeo.livejournal.com]

oh jesus. i saw that fic and drove right on by, quickly, no $200. blaaahhhh. headers can put me off in a second. i'm so prissy. :D

also yeah, i'm not into things that aren't finished. once upon a time i wrote like that, and it's dangerous. unless you have a definite ending in mind, i don't want to see your part 17 out of whatever.

now i just need a lawn so i can yell at kids to get off it.