how not to attract readers (or, still wheezing, still grumpy)

[mickeym]

So, I've been in fandom a while, right? Fourteen years and counting. (And all of it online. Jesus.) I know I'm kind of set in my ways; I'm very reluctant and slow to try new fandoms, or pairings, much less new authors. That's one of the reasons I volunteered to do the RPS post for crack_impala, to occasionally force me out of my comfort zone and make me try new authors. (Though, I have to ask: doesn't anyone post finished stories anymore? I swear 90% of all stories these days seem to be part x/??. But I digress.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Reluctant to try new authors. I'm doing better about it, most of the time. But I can guarantee a sure-fire way to ensure I don't ever read your story:

Rating: NC17
Pairing: S/D, D/OFC
Warnings: OOC, AU, PWP
Disclaimer: Don't own, am not making any money so pls don't sue!
A/N: I played fast and loose with our boys. It’s not really meant to follow a particular story line, so you will find that practically this whole thing is OOC. And as just joined the Wincest ranks, I took what I liked and ran with it. My first SPN ficlet so pls be gentle.

Don't be lazy. The names are not that long. Spelling out "Sam/Dean" is a whole extra five characters' worth of typing.

Don't tell me it's "OOC". If you're writing something you consider to be "out of character", you're not writing Sam and Dean (or whatever fandom characters are involved)... so why would I want to read it?

If you can't manage decent grammar (not to mention spelling) in the header, why should I assume you've managed it in the body of your story?

This story could well be an incredibly awesome story, but it's not going to get read (by me certainly; probably by a bunch of others as well, because I know I'm not the only one this annoys). Why? Because you, as the author, have given me no reason to want to read it, and a lot of reasons to NOT want to read it. I know this is supposed to be fun and a hobby and all the rest, but for heaven's sake, have a little pride in what you're posting. Make an effort to make people want to read what you've written. Otherwise, why bother posting it publicly at all?

This post brought to you courtesy of too much benedryl, not nearly enough breath or sleep, and a terminal case of the crankies. Also, someday? I promise to post something fun and happy and cheerful again. I swear. I hate being all *grump grump grump*.

Comments

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Yeah, those too. *sigh* I know that way back in my early fannish days I did the "it's probably not that good" thing at least a couple times. Then someone sat me down, whapped me gently upside the head and said, "don't do that and here's why".

As far as I'm concerned, stating (in the warnings, no less!) that your story is OOC is the same thing as admitting to ignoring characterization, so, yeah. Thanks, but I'll pass.