how not to attract readers (or, still wheezing, still grumpy)

[mickeym]

So, I've been in fandom a while, right? Fourteen years and counting. (And all of it online. Jesus.) I know I'm kind of set in my ways; I'm very reluctant and slow to try new fandoms, or pairings, much less new authors. That's one of the reasons I volunteered to do the RPS post for crack_impala, to occasionally force me out of my comfort zone and make me try new authors. (Though, I have to ask: doesn't anyone post finished stories anymore? I swear 90% of all stories these days seem to be part x/??. But I digress.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Reluctant to try new authors. I'm doing better about it, most of the time. But I can guarantee a sure-fire way to ensure I don't ever read your story:

Rating: NC17
Pairing: S/D, D/OFC
Warnings: OOC, AU, PWP
Disclaimer: Don't own, am not making any money so pls don't sue!
A/N: I played fast and loose with our boys. It’s not really meant to follow a particular story line, so you will find that practically this whole thing is OOC. And as just joined the Wincest ranks, I took what I liked and ran with it. My first SPN ficlet so pls be gentle.

Don't be lazy. The names are not that long. Spelling out "Sam/Dean" is a whole extra five characters' worth of typing.

Don't tell me it's "OOC". If you're writing something you consider to be "out of character", you're not writing Sam and Dean (or whatever fandom characters are involved)... so why would I want to read it?

If you can't manage decent grammar (not to mention spelling) in the header, why should I assume you've managed it in the body of your story?

This story could well be an incredibly awesome story, but it's not going to get read (by me certainly; probably by a bunch of others as well, because I know I'm not the only one this annoys). Why? Because you, as the author, have given me no reason to want to read it, and a lot of reasons to NOT want to read it. I know this is supposed to be fun and a hobby and all the rest, but for heaven's sake, have a little pride in what you're posting. Make an effort to make people want to read what you've written. Otherwise, why bother posting it publicly at all?

This post brought to you courtesy of too much benedryl, not nearly enough breath or sleep, and a terminal case of the crankies. Also, someday? I promise to post something fun and happy and cheerful again. I swear. I hate being all *grump grump grump*.

Comments

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

Yes and yes.

There was a story I came across tonight. ONLY reason I saw any of it was that it wasn't cut (ACK). It was horrid - no punctuation. ill instead of I'll - shit like that. They actually used pls in the story.

Just. No.

(edited because my keyboard is sticking on me at random and I had to fix something)

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is usually my badfic icon, but something like that wouldn't even make my eyes move, because I wouldn't be reading it.

[rejeneration.livejournal.com]

If I had a nickel for every time I slipped a typo into the header of a story... man, I'd be retired off the Cape in a five bedroom, three and a half bath. I swear.

[annella.livejournal.com]

yeeeeaaaah I'd probably avoid that...

That said, when I was first starting out in a fandom I probably made fic headers like that. *L* I learned pretty damn quick... XD

[dine.livejournal.com]

oh yeah. the only thing that gets me moving away faster is when they statements like: it's probably not that good, I did this in a hurry and it wasn't beta'd, and (proudly?) admit to ignoring characterization

[ninhursag.livejournal.com]

I've always had the vague idea that stories like that are just intended as some kind of social interaction gambit. Maybe the writer doesn't care much about writing as much as 'doing fandom' and thinks that the only way to participate in fandom is to produce something? The chatty style of the headers is more like they're trying to have a conversation with you, the potential audience, rather than get you to read their story, if that makes any sense.

That said, I wouldn't read a story with a header like that either, unless it had one of my rarely found but bullet proof kinks.

[munibunny.livejournal.com]

I clicked on it because I was curious just how OOC it was... And, yeah, it was. I think I got about a paragraph in before closing the window. Just saying. I'm sure it was fine. There are a whole bunch of fics that totally make me frown and go "WTF" that people love so... to each his own, right?

As for WIPs, yeah there are so many I forget which ones I'm reading. I think I wouldn't mind so much if the chapters were more substantial than 500 words a pop. You know what I mean? (Says the person with two as yet unfinished WIPs)

[shakespearsgrl2.livejournal.com]

AMEN!

[bleu-eyed-ace.livejournal.com]

THIS!

Yeah, I saw this same header (last night, maybe?) and all I thought was... NO. Most everything about it just screams... NO.

I'm glad you feel the same way!

[triceybabe.livejournal.com]

wow... I don't really know what to say to defend myself. Yes, the fic is mine. Didn't think that this fandom was different. I'm used to warning people about fics. If a particular warning squicks, don't read. The fandoms Im in for the most part does the same. Its consideration. I'd hate to accidently read a fic that has John raping Dean. Thats what a warning is for. So I don't have to read it if I don't want. I usually write in the HarryPotter fandom and have many friends that are great writers there who does the same thing. HP/SS, DM/HG So i did not expect to be attacked by just doing something i'm used to. Don't know what else to say. Stumbled onto here because I wanted to read a fic of yours and I still will. Everyone is entitled to their opinions.

[kitanabychoice.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I'm right here with you. I haven't read anything in the SPN fandom from new authors because I am pretty terrified of running into some severe DNW. I am a stickler for grammar, and if the heading is done wrong, I will assume everything is like the header and is done wrong.

I also have a pet peeve with the OOC labeling. If you know it's OOC, why not work on revising it so that it's less OOC? =/

[mistyzeo.livejournal.com]

oh jesus. i saw that fic and drove right on by, quickly, no $200. blaaahhhh. headers can put me off in a second. i'm so prissy. :D

also yeah, i'm not into things that aren't finished. once upon a time i wrote like that, and it's dangerous. unless you have a definite ending in mind, i don't want to see your part 17 out of whatever.

now i just need a lawn so i can yell at kids to get off it.