how not to attract readers (or, still wheezing, still grumpy)

[mickeym]

So, I've been in fandom a while, right? Fourteen years and counting. (And all of it online. Jesus.) I know I'm kind of set in my ways; I'm very reluctant and slow to try new fandoms, or pairings, much less new authors. That's one of the reasons I volunteered to do the RPS post for crack_impala, to occasionally force me out of my comfort zone and make me try new authors. (Though, I have to ask: doesn't anyone post finished stories anymore? I swear 90% of all stories these days seem to be part x/??. But I digress.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Reluctant to try new authors. I'm doing better about it, most of the time. But I can guarantee a sure-fire way to ensure I don't ever read your story:

Rating: NC17
Pairing: S/D, D/OFC
Warnings: OOC, AU, PWP
Disclaimer: Don't own, am not making any money so pls don't sue!
A/N: I played fast and loose with our boys. It’s not really meant to follow a particular story line, so you will find that practically this whole thing is OOC. And as just joined the Wincest ranks, I took what I liked and ran with it. My first SPN ficlet so pls be gentle.

Don't be lazy. The names are not that long. Spelling out "Sam/Dean" is a whole extra five characters' worth of typing.

Don't tell me it's "OOC". If you're writing something you consider to be "out of character", you're not writing Sam and Dean (or whatever fandom characters are involved)... so why would I want to read it?

If you can't manage decent grammar (not to mention spelling) in the header, why should I assume you've managed it in the body of your story?

This story could well be an incredibly awesome story, but it's not going to get read (by me certainly; probably by a bunch of others as well, because I know I'm not the only one this annoys). Why? Because you, as the author, have given me no reason to want to read it, and a lot of reasons to NOT want to read it. I know this is supposed to be fun and a hobby and all the rest, but for heaven's sake, have a little pride in what you're posting. Make an effort to make people want to read what you've written. Otherwise, why bother posting it publicly at all?

This post brought to you courtesy of too much benedryl, not nearly enough breath or sleep, and a terminal case of the crankies. Also, someday? I promise to post something fun and happy and cheerful again. I swear. I hate being all *grump grump grump*.

Comments

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Oh, the smooshed pairings. O_O My fandom before this one was popslash, where we had all kinds of cute smoosh names. "Trickyfish" "JoLa" "ChoLa" "TrickC". Just give me the damn names. That's all I need *g*

We shall be cranky together! :)

[annella.livejournal.com]

Those are kind of cute! I come from HP fandom, where it was all Drarry and Snarry and Dramione and Harmony and oh jesus I hated it. I refused to use the word 'Drarry' in connection to ANYTHING I wrote!

(Dastiel/Destiel makes me want to reach through my computer screen and punch people.)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Ah, gotcha. Okay, yes, the HP name-smooshes are kind of scary. Not unlike some of the BtVS ones ("Spuffy"? OH HELL NO). And ditto on the Dastiel/Destiel. I actually even cringe a little over 'Samifer', but I get that's not a pairing so much as a way to separate Lucifer from *Sam*.

Even so. *shudders*

[ou-peachus.livejournal.com]

I do remember, however, that in Buffy just initials were used often. Well, in the 'old days', flashback a decade! I don't know about now. And in HP before the 'Snarry' shit started. (Snupin? Really ppl?) Like B/A for Buffy/Angel and W/F for Willow/Faith. Then when you had more characters it moved to both initials like HP/DM for Harry/Draco.

So that part doesn't bother me. (In fact, it took me a while to *not* put S/D when posting about them.) I think it is probably more bothersome in this fandom because of things like D/S (Dean/Sam) being confused with D/s (Dom/sub)? Or am I wrong on that? Also J/J is kinda stupid, plus it could be Jensen, Jared, Jim and Jeffrey....

But the rest? Yeah, totally with you on that. I'll be very honest and say that 90% of the time I do not read the author's notes. Usually I only read them if a. there seems to be something important in them like a link, maybe to a pic or something, or after I have read the fic and want to know more details. I found myself being put off by comments like this or 'I had a few minutes and chugged this out' or, as dine said, "this wasn't beta'd" because it puts me in the 'this might be crap' mood before I even start reading.

(And am now feeling all shifty cuz I'm hoping *I* didn't rec something with that bad of an introduction (or whatever its called.)*biteslip*

This kinda makes me wonder if that bothers authors if people don't read the notes? You're an amazing author and love every story you write but I still might not read the 'introduction' details. From your perspective, does that matter?

[nopseud]

I do remember, however, that in Buffy just initials were used often.

I think that's one of those conventions that varies from fandom to fandom. You don't get much more old-skool slash than Original Trek, and they use single letters pretty commonly (K/S). Same with Blakes' 7. I was a little confused by that when I moved from Blakes to popslash, but I pretty quickly realised that using just initials really wouldn't work in another fandom where everyone's a J. :-)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

but I pretty quickly realised that using just initials really wouldn't work in another fandom where everyone's a J. :-)

*snicker* Yes. Quite.

Which is a reason it wouldn't work in CWRPS either, since three of the guys often written about... are Js ;)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Like I said to someone...somewhere in these comments...it was more a combination of all the things that really sent me over the edge. Individually, they were annoying but ignorable. I've seen the single-letter pairing designations in a lot of fandoms I've been in, read in, whatever. But by and large, in SPN, we see the whole name spelled out and it just caught me off-guard, y'know?

For myself, personally? I try to keep headers/notes to a minimum--because I know not everyone does (or wants to) read them. I also try to keep them simple and readable, because they can get weird quickly. Too many acronyms in that one up above, for sure.

[ou-peachus.livejournal.com]

THIS THIS THIS.

I kept feeling guilty because I keep getting annoyed at 'Samifer'. I also am not a fan of the 'Samulet'. *cringes* I'm sorry. I know some people think its cute and I mean no disrespect.

Oddly enough, I am not annoyed at 'Pada-' stuff. I kinda like Padahugs, Padacock, Padapaws, and Padalocks. (Possibly because I would love to have some Padahugs, would pay handsomely to see the Padacock, have an obsession with wanting to watch the Padapaws touch Jensen's face and could spend hours sniffing and rubbing the Padalocks. But I digress...) But why in the world this doesn't bother me and the other does, I haven't a clue!

[ou-peachus.livejournal.com]

LOL, I didn't mean to reply to my own comment! But to yours, lol.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Not a fan, either, of the 'Samulet'. I'm still not sure I understand WHY it even came into being. Unless in that case Sam's supposed to be the amulet? *shakes head*

The Pada- stuff... eh. I find "Padacock" amusing. The rest, I'm not sure I've even seen those. Thankfully, I think *g* (However, the icon I'm using here is keyword: Padabelly ;))