Part 7

[mickeym]

Back to Part Six

Headers in the Master post.



~~~~~

The inside of the Schneider home is warm, almost too warm, after the cool breezes of the orchard. Sam takes the mug of cider offered and gulps it down, wishing it was something stronger.

"Tell me," he begins, glancing over at the man — at Dean — "what happened? We, we got a telegram. That you were dead. They sent a body home to us. How can you be—and you never, you never wrote, or contacted us, or said anything, why—?"

Dean licks his lips, eyes darting from the table top to Sam, then back down. For the first time Sam sees the thick, twisted scar that starts down in his beard, and runs upward, behind his right ear before disappearing in Dean's hair. Dean shakes his head. "I didn't…remember."

"You didn't remember anything?"

"Not a lot. I know there was an accident. We were—were being fired at." Dean frowns. "Ambushed, I think. Lot of men down, and screaming, and smoke everywhere. It was like Hell."

Sam closes his eyes briefly, then looks back at Dean. "You remember being in the Army, though? And being in a battle?"

Dean nods, and his lips quirk in a shy half-smile. "Hard to forget that—everything right around it is clear as glass, except that's about all I do remember. I don't remember much else. Something exploded, and I woke up in a stranger's house. The doctor I saw said I probably never would fully regain my memory. After a few days I could remember my name, my first name anyway, but my tags were gone, and my uniform was burned pretty bad; no one could make out the last name on it, or my rank, and there wasn't anything on me to give any clues about who to contact."

"Corporal," Sam says quietly, fishing the tags out of the neck of his shirt. He loops them over his head and hands the chain to Dean, watching while he inspects them. "They found these laying right beside the—the body the Army sent home to us."

"Us?" Dean frowns again. "You keep saying 'us'."

"Me and Uncle Bobby. Our Uncle, our mom's brother. He—he raised us. After, um. He raised us." Sam takes the tags when Dean hands them back, and drops the chain over his head, tucking the tags back under his shirt.

Dean takes a long drink of his cider, then seems to come to a decision within himself. "How…how do you really know that I'm your brother? I mean, there could be other Deans and other Sams out there, right? It's not…I don't doubt you, but if your brother's been dead for awhile—"

"Ten years," Sam says with more calm than he feels. "And I know you're my brother."

"How?"

"You have a tattoo on your left arm, up by your shoulder. It's an eagle, and the flag. You and a bunch of guys from your unit went one night and had them done." Sam watches Dean raise his hand up to his arm, eyes wide with surprise. "Your friend Rabbit got a pin-up girl on his arm. You wrote me and told me about it, how you were half drunk when you had it done, and if you'd been a little more drunk, you might've…."

"Might've what?" Dean still looks torn between surprised and shocked, and Sam bites his lip. They haven't gotten there yet, and now probably isn't the best time to head in that direction.

"Might've gotten something else, instead. So, um. Amnesia? Permanently?"

"I guess? Is that the term for memory loss?" Dean shrugs. "When I woke up, I didn't remember much of anything, and I had headaches that felt like my skull was splitting open. Some things came back, like I could speak English and it wasn't accented, like the Brits. I couldn't speak German, but I knew a few words. I remembered crop cycles, and how to rotate seeding, and the basic stuff of what I figured was running a farm. I knew my way around an engine, I was good with horses, and I liked beef." He smiles when Sam snorts. "Some stuff was just there, and other stuff would—it was kind of like playing with a piece of string, with a cat? It was like my mind was dangling this stuff, just out of reach, waiting to see if I could pounce on it or not. It was — still is — frustrating as hell, especially not knowing anything about myself. And, uh. I kept having these dreams." He flushes, red heat spreading across his cheekbones, and Sam doesn't even need to hear the words to know what sort of dreams Dean's talking about. "Sometimes they were just about ordinary stuff, like swimming or playing—uh. Base, baseball, right? But there were other dreams, about Sammy — um. About you, I guess." The flush deepens, fascinating Sam, because his memories of Dean, he rarely blushed. "Except I don't know, uh, you said we're brothers."

"Yeah." Sam sighs and takes another drink of his cider. Guess they're going there after all. "We are. But, uh, we were that, too."

"We were, huh?" Dean nods easily, but his cheeks are still flushed and he looks…a little uncomfortable. "That's…that'll take some getting used to."

"Yeah." Sam tries to smile. "I'll bet."

An older woman comes into the kitchen and fires off a whole lot of questions in rapid German, all of which Dean answers, just as quickly. Just as fluently. They have a quick conversation, with Sam managing to get maybe one out of every dozen words — just enough to think Dean is supposed to be inviting him to stay for supper.

"I—she wants you to stay for supper," Dean says finally, confirming Sam's guess. "She's making potato dumplings and pork."

"I'd love to stay." Sam smiles at the woman. "Danke." He waits until she bustles back out of the room before asking, "who is she?"

"Oh, uh." Dean flushes again. "My schwiegermutter — um, Goodmother. No, wait. Mother-in-law," he finishes.

Sam's stomach, already knotted and aching with the adrenaline racing all through him, does a slow, sickening twist and roll, and for a minute Sam isn't completely sure he isn't going to be sick. He closes his eyes and breathes through it, because of course Dean would be married. He's been here for ten years, he's obviously a part of this family, this community, and even though Sam knows Dean loves — loved — him, he'll always remember his brother flirting with the young ladies on most of the neighboring farms.

"When…when do I get to meet my sister-in-law?" He asks, and is very pleased his voice stays steady.

Dean sighs and shakes his head. "Greta died four years back. Contracted diphtheria."

"Oh, God. Dean. I'm—I'm sorry."

That gets him a weak smile. "She was a good girl, but I didn't. I didn't love her. Not the way—not like I should've."

He says it very quietly, and Sam can't decide if it's because he's ashamed of it, or if it's simply that he doesn't want anyone who might be around and listening, to hear him.

"I thought about you all the time," Sam says, just as quietly. "I didn't want to believe it; I don't think I did believe it, until the Army sent the body home."

"I wonder whose body it was?" Dean's drawing circles through the condensation gathering on the table, beads of liquid rolling off the heavy mug of cider.

"Uncle Bobby wouldn't let me look at you. At the body, I mean. He said I didn't need to see that, not knowing—" It's Sam's turn to flush, and Dean looks at him sharply.

"Our Uncle knew—about us?"

Sam nods, throat closing over. It's hard to swallow past that lump, and when he does speak his voice is a thick rasp. "He said—he wasn't blind, or stupid. I never thought we were obvious or anything, but. I think…I think it was the way I grieved. Probably reminded him of our dad, after mom died. He told us one time, years ago, that sometimes…people can't live in a world after someone they love dies, or something like that. And I know for a while, I didn't care if I lived or not."

Dean's quiet for a few minutes, and Sam finds himself watching the cuckoo clock on the wall. He's never admitted that to anyone, not even himself. Finally Dean asks, "was?"

"Yeah. He died in November…it'll be three years this November. Had a bunch of heart attacks in a pretty short time, and they just did too much damage. I came home to take care of him, but I was too late. He was a stubborn bastard when he wanted to be, and I didn't know he was sick until it was basically too late to do anything except watch him die."

It's quiet for a minute, until Dean says suddenly, "I'm sorry."

Sam startles at that. "For what?"

"That left you all alone, didn't it? When he died? Unless you have someone, um. Somewhere?"

Sam shakes his head. "Not even after you told me to get someone else. I just—I couldn't."

"Not at all?" There's an odd tone to Dean's words, and Sam can't decide if Dean's shocked, surprised, or maybe a little in awe. "In ten years?"

"I've had a few," Sam says sharply. "I haven't lived like a monk or anything. But no one…nobody special. Just you," he finishes softly.

Dean swallows, and Sam watches the movement, still feeling like Alice after she fell down the rabbit hole. This can't be real. Can't be happening. After so long, so many years believing Dean dead — they had a damn funeral, for heaven's sake! — to find him still alive, here, half a world away, it's almost too much.

"I need to use the bathroom," Sam says, swallowing against the bile rising up. "Dean. Please—now."

"C'mon." It must show on his face, because instead of the bathroom, Dean steers him back outside, out into the cool, fresh air and the thickets of trees. And just like when they were kids, Dean rubs one hand soothingly up and down Sam's back as he throws up over and over, until there's nothing left to come up. "Easy, Sammy," he murmurs, stroking and rubbing until Sam stops heaving. "You okay?"

"Will be," Sam gasps. "In a minute. I'm sorry."

"No, s'okay. Hey—hey, it's all right." Dean pats his back when Sam heaves again, spitting and coughing. "Hang on, I'll get some water."

He's gone for a few minutes, and Sam flops over until he can sit braced against one of the tree trunks. His stomach and throat hurt now, and his ribs are going to ache in the morning.

"Here." Dean pops up out of nowhere, holding out a cup of cool water and a large square of fabric. "Rinse out your mouth and wipe off your face. You'll feel better." He sits down beside Sam, catty-corner to him, and brings his arms around his knees. Sam does feel better after he's rinsed his mouth out, and he uses a little of the water to wet the rag before wiping his face off. When he's finished he sets them beside him and tips his head back tiredly.

"I'm sorry," he says. "God, what a mess. I just—you're alive, Dean. I've thought you were dead for so long, and you weren't…and you're here, and God. I've missed you so much. Not just—I missed my brother, and I missed the other stuff. I just missed you."

The tears come then; the ones Sam never could cry the day he got that last letter. They've been bottled up inside him for so many years, the ache slowly becoming something he got used to, but never got rid of. Something that never went away completely, that popped up every so often, like a phantom limb.

"We used to go fishing, there was a lake, right? Not, not the swimming hole. But a lake. And you'd pack us a lunch, and Uncle Bobby—we all went fishing, didn't we?"

Sam nods through his tears, and snuffles loudly. "Every summer, at least a couple of times, if all the chores were done. Sometimes we'd pack a tent and stay the night, though none of us ever used the tent. We'd sleep out under the stars. I saw a shooting star once, and you told me to make a wish on it."

Dean's shifted closer, and he moves until he's settled against the tree trunk beside Sam, with Sam curled in toward him, ear over Dean's heart. "Did you?"

"Yeah."

"What'd you wish for?" Dean strokes his fingers through Sam's hair, and it's all Sam can do not to start crying again, the tears prickling at his eyes.

"You."

"Huh?"

"I wished for you."

He closes his eyes when Dean presses a kiss to the top of his head, shivers rippling through him. Everything else, the sex and the touching, even the kisses — those were icing. Extra things that were really nice, sure, but it was this Sam missed so badly. Dean holding him. Holding on to him. Just being with him.

There's a strange hitch in Dean's voice, and his fingers tighten briefly in Sam's hair. "I wish I—I wish I hadn't forgotten. I wish I could remember more. It's kind of like…looking at something that's under a big slab of glass. You can see it, but it's distorted, not clear and sharp. You know? Or it's like a dream. This feels like a dream, like the dreams I had for so long. It was always you I dreamed about, Sam. I could see your face, clear and plain as day. The way you looked at me, your smile so big and bright. I would wake up aching, needing something I couldn't remember. I spent months angry at everyone, everything."

"You remember some stuff."

Dean nods, the movement making it so Dean's head tipped against Sam's. "Some. And I think…talking with you? Is triggering other stuff. It still feels like it happened to someone else, but there are bits and pieces there that weren't there before. And I know…it's you I dreamed about. Why I dreamed that."

The dull ache he's carried for so long eases, though Sam suspects it's going to be a while, if ever, before it's fully gone. "Will you come home with me?"

"You have a place in the village?" Dean frowns. "How have I never seen you down there, before?"

"No. I mean yes, I have rooms in town — God, there's so much to tell you. But I meant — will you come home with me. Back to South Dakota, and the farm. Our farm."

Dean's quiet for what feels like forever, and the ache in Sam's stomach increases, sharp cramps that make him wonder if he's going to be sick again.

"You were going to go to law school." There's a note of wonder in Dean's voice. "You said…no, I said…that I'd farm, and you could support us."

"Yeah." Sam nods. "You said that."

"Did you go to law school?"

Sam laughs. "I had to drop out for a while when Uncle Bobby got sick, but I finished up after he passed. I graduated last June, and came over here straight-away."

"Why? Why not stay there and do whatever it is lawyers do?"

He shrugs. "I didn't want to stay there, by myself. I wasn't sure what to do, or where to go, so I figured this option would give me some time to figure things out." Sam isn't sure what he'll do if Dean says no, he doesn't want to go back to the States. There's no guarantee he'll want to, either. Dreams and vague memories of Sam aside, Dean's life is here, now. Has been for a while.

"Yes."

Sam's thinking so hard about what he'll do if Dean doesn't want to come home (throw up again? Cry some more? Break down completely? Yes to all of them, probably.), it startles him to hear Dean's voice. "Huh?"

"I'll go home. I want to go home with you, Sammy."

Oh, God. Actually, he may cry again right now. And throwing up hasn't been completely eliminated as an option, either. Sam turns toward Dean, though they're already so close it's more like moving his head and just…being there. Being there and looking his fill, because Dean's not moving. Just letting Sam look.

The beard is an oddity, because his memories of Dean are all clean-shaven, with the odd day of scruff or shadow if they were hunting or camping, or whatever. Sam reaches out and strokes his finger down the line of Dean's jaw, and Dean goes completely still.

"It's soft," Sam says, rubbing gently.

"I wear it—" Dean gestures to the scar. "Keeps it kind of hidden, so I don't scare babies and little kids." He smiles when he says it, but Sam sees the flash in his eyes and wondered how many people stared at him because of it.

"I don't care about that, either." Sam touches the scar lightly, follows the twist of it up behind Dean's ear. It's thick and ropey, winding along Dean's scalp. "Does it hurt?"

Dean shakes his head. "Not for a long time. But sometimes I get bad headaches, split-your-skull-wide-open type of headaches. They can leave me pretty bad off for days."

"You ever see a doctor for them?" Sam's gone back to petting Dean's jaw, fingers stroking and smoothing over the whiskers. They're fascinating, gleaming auburn-red-cinnamon-brown in the late-afternoon sun. "Your headaches."

"Once, a while ago." Dean shrugs. "Said there wasn't anything he could do." He turns his head so his cheek is resting, cradled, in Sam's palm, and closes his eyes. "I…remember, in my dreams. Or whatever it is, you were…you weren't very old. When I left."

"Fifteen," Sam whispers. "I turned sixteen the May after you shipped out."

"You loved me."

"I love you, yeah." He makes it present tense because he's always thought of it in present tense. "Always have. Always will."

Dean opens his eyes and smiles. "You sound pretty sure."

"Always have, always will." Sam's fingers itch to curl into the short, soft whiskers; to cup Dean's face and kiss him. It must show on his face, because Dean hitches a breath closer and whispers, "kiss me?"

It's as close to perfect as a kiss can be, soft and sweet. Dean's mouth tastes like apple cider, tongue tart-sweet against Sam's, with the soft scratch of whiskers rubbing and prickling the sensitive skin of his mouth. But even more than the taste, even more than the feel of Dean's mouth against his, is that it's Dean. It's Dean in his arms, Dean right here with him, Dean he's touching.

Sam's just ready to pull back when Dean slides his fingers into Sam's hair and changes angles, deepening the kiss. His mouth is slick and warm and he's eating at Sam's like a starving man and Sam's the banquet.

When they separate, both breathing faster, heavier, Sam touches his forehead to Dean's. "Can you…will you come stay with me tonight? In town?" He can't even consider the idea of being apart from Dean again — though rationally Sam knows he'll have to, at least to go to work tomorrow. But for right now…no.

Dean nods and leans in for another kiss. "Try and keep me away," he laughs breathlessly, teasing his mouth over Sam's. "Just try."

Sam has no intention of doing anything of the sort. Ever.


~fin~





A/N and Thank You's: This story is sort of like the marriage of two of my most favorite things: history and romance. It holds a special place in my heart as being probably the only story I've ever written that I didn't at some point (metaphorically) toss into the garbage can while screaming "God, I hate it!" It's my favorite of anything I've ever written, and I think it's probably some of my best work to date.

I got the idea for it back late last winter, or early this past spring, when one of my Workday Email Posse (hee) linked me to an article about a Russian couple who were married at the beginning of WWII and then got separated a few days later -- and she believe he was dead, and he couldn't find her, and they ended up apart for sixty years. When they found each other again, they said it was like those years hadn't ever happened; they were just as in love as they'd been. The big ol' sap in me went "AWWW!" and then I started thinking about a Sam and Dean version of that. :)

I owe huge thank you's to a lot of people: thenyxie, cormallen and nu_breed for hand-holding and audiencing, and just in general being there. To rivers_bend and leighm for beta-under-pressure (seriously--I sent the story to them like, Monday night, and the reworked ending last night), as well as hand-holding, and being there. Awesomeness all around :) Also thank you to my flist at large for helping me find links, and information, and putting up with my 10938140891 questions and word-count updates. (I feel like I should apologize for those, because normally? I could care less what the word count is. But y'all, I wrote SO MUCH, it just blew me away!) I also want to say, though he'll never (I hope!) see this, thank you to Matthew. He fetched tissues and cool drinks for me when I worked myself into sobbing while writing, and just in general encouraged me. ("Are you writing? Shouldn't you be writing? You're not done yet are you? How many more words until you're done?" - the kid makes a great nag.)

Thank you's need to go also to wendy and audrarose for coordinating all of this, and making it a very awesome experience. *hugs you*

Finally, many, many thanks to mkitty3, for the incredibly fabulous artwork she did for this story. She brought it to life for me.

I have a couple of footnotes/credit things, because I am deathly afeared of ever being accused of plagiarism. So, for Sam's commencement speech, I got the core of it from here: http://www.dominik.net/thoughts/valedictorian-speech.php3 and of course the "A day which will live in infamy" speech belongs to FKR and his speechwriters.

I really hope you've enjoyed reading this story. I loved writing it, and I'm thrilled to get to share it with y'all. Thank you :)

Comments

[thehighwaywoman.livejournal.com]

You are made of so much complete win and awesome. I've been rabidly hungry to sink my teeth into this one <3 <3 <3 <3 Staying up as late as I can to read as much as possible!

And congratulations, lady -- you did a brilliant job!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I am...SO thrilled that you enjoyed the story so much. *hugs you tight* Your opinions, your thoughts, mean so much to me. I admire the hell out of you and your work, and to hear from you that you liked this...hella strong praise, thank you :)

[calijirl5150.livejournal.com]

I'm not usually a historical fic reader (which is funny since history is one of my fave subjects) , but this one just caught me w/the artwork & I decided to give it a go. Boy am I glad, I loved it from first paragraph to the last.

Excellent job - saved to memories.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm thrilled to hear you gave it a chance, and that you enjoyed it :)

[rivers-bend.livejournal.com]

there really are no words for how proud I am of you, honey.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

*snuggles up to you* Thank you, honey. I couldn't have done it without your help.

[impalalove]

Really awesome story. Love. ^^

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! :)

[dine.livejournal.com]

oh, hon - this is fabulous! I was so jazzed when I got home and saw you'd posted it; I remember wondering a while ago how it was going. obviously, it was going marvelously - you did such a great job here!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank YOU for your help with answering all my questions :) I'm glad you enjoyed the story, hon. *hugs you*

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Awesome story. Was totally with Sam, all the way through.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[spnallie.livejournal.com]

I am behind on reading the bigbangs. When I saw this story, I was intrigued by the warning so I clicked it. When I read it, I was like, "OH NO! I can't read this fic, it'll break my heart." So like the masochist that I am, I decided to look at the first chapter. And I couldn't. stop. reading. even though I was devastated and KNEW this was going to end with me hurt. I fell in love with the beauty and simplicity of Dean and Sam. Their love was so tangible. When Dean enlisted I felt the tension and fear. I loved how you switched to using their letters to tell their story and then BAM, you just cut to Dean's death. It honestly felt like what happens when someone dies. It was just so unexpected and sad and it broke me and reminded me so much of losing a loved one. The reaction of Sam was spot on. It really took my breath away how perfectly you captured that. I was expecting it to hurt, but I wasn't expecting it to be so real. So I kept reading and reading and hurting and feeling the despair and then you go and end it with Dean not being dead and with me smiling and feeling so much relief and love. Thank you for giving this a happy ending. I don't know why I felt the need to babble on this much about this story but it really had an effect on me and I just loved the entire thing even it was hurting me.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you SO MUCH for such wonderful feedback! I'm beyond thrilled to hear it got such a response/reaction from you, and it makes me all the more proud of my story :)

I'm all !!!! over your response, so thank you for that :)

[leodragon1.livejournal.com]

Oh, this looks just AWESOME. And the cover art on the first page is gorgeous and so evocative. I can't wait to get home and sink my teeh in to this one.

[leodragon1.livejournal.com]

*sobs and blow my nose*

Oh God, I felt like my heart broke along with Sam. His grief was so real and sharp, and how do people live with it? I was 90% certain this had a happy ending, but I still hoped SO hard that Dean was actually alive.

All the lovely warmth up until then was so blissful, and the numbness after that - well. Dean's funeral HURT. Bobby's funeral HURT. Dean's private journal to Sammy - ow, my heart. But then, my brain went 'oooh' when Sam looked to be going to Germany. I thought, "Don't tell me..." As soon as he was there I was waiting for that reunion, and then there it was! I'm amazed Sammy didn't kiss Dean straight away.

I'm kinda sad it ended, because I was picturing them going back to the farm, and Dean settling back in to being a farmer like he never left, and Sam being a local lawyer, and the brothers being these two bachelors who never married and always lived together.

Nah, you've pretty much set it up that we're all thinking that's how it happens. Amazing work, just wonderful!

[merepersiflage.livejournal.com]

I spent the whole time reading this thinking, she's going to kill me oh god, she's going to kill me. And I loved every minute, even when I was crying so hard the words were blurry.

Brilliant. Great romance. Great story. Great writing.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it, even while dreading that I was going to kill you :) And I cried while I was writing it -- so hard at times that yeah, the words were blurry. So I know what you mean. *hugs*

:)

[kibebe.livejournal.com]

Really lovely story. I love all the little details in the story. Wonderful work.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much :) I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed it :)

[micheleeeex.livejournal.com]

I'm totally NOT crying now.

Brilliant story!!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much :) *offers tissues*

[poicale.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful. Just wonderful.I would put exclamation marks, but I feel so contented and happy and teary at the ending that it just doesn't feel right.
I was a little scared of the warnings, but the post promised a happy ending, so I faithfully stuck with it and I am so glad I did.
Bravo. *sniffles*

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it! And yeah, I was scared to put the warnings on there, for fear of driving people away...(and giving away major parts of the story)...and scared NOT to put the warnings, because I could just imagine someone going "ack, death story! not reading any more!" when in fact it's NOT a death story.

I'm glad you read it inspite of the warnings :) Thank you for the lovely feedback!

[cormallen.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. I want to give you well-worded, coherent and useful feedback, and all I can really come up with is, 'ohhhh, Sammy' and 'ohh, Dean', and 'ohhhh, booys'. I'm gonna try, anyway, because you deserve it. I love all the details of farm life, and your Bobby, and the way you got me right into Sam's head from the very beginning. I love Sam's certainty and Dean's hesitation - his fear of hurting Sam, even once he knows there's no going back. They aren't 'our boys', but they're still so recognizable; I think you did a great job with characterization. But what I love the most are the letters and Dean's journal. I am a huge fan of epistolary fiction, and that was just such a great way to get through the exposition and the emotion (and I was biting my lip so damn hard when Sam got Dean's last letter and journal). And I really liked farmer Dean, too - both in the beginning and having made that life and home for himself in Germany, yet willing to give that all up for Sam, no hesitation, no question.
I am so glad you finally posted this!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight* I am SO happy you liked it so well. And thank you for all the wonderful feedback, both while I was writing and now after you've read the whole thing. I think that you could still see 'our' boys, with the characterization, even though they're not ghost hunters...that's the biggest compliment :)

The letters/journal were both the easiest AND the hardest parts to write. Easy, because I could just ramble. Or rather, let the boys ramble. But hardest... because wow, it broke my heart writing that last letter to Sam. That Dean had a sense of precognition, and knew something was coming...he came as close to saying what he wanted to say outright as he ever did, in any of the letters.

Thank you again for all your help with this, and for the rocking feedback :) *hugs you lots* You are awesome :)

[tastyeyeliner.livejournal.com]

Ohhh God....I haven't been this touched by a story in a long time. It was absolutely magnificent. I hardly ever cry, even for real life stuff, but this one had me tearing up.

Wonderful job.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! (The crying thing seems to be a big theme with this *wry smile* On the one hand, I'm all "I'm sorry! Didn't mean to make you cry!" and then on the other, I'm all "eeee! GREAT REACTIONS, THANK YOU!". Heh.)

I really appreciate the feedback, thank you :)

[arabella-hope.livejournal.com]

I hate you so much - except for how I totally don't.

The sobbing mess of me has to pass out now, but I will soooo be back come morning to babble at you. GOD, baby. Fucking EPIC.

*

Ok. So this? Is totally the most wonderful, sweeping, epic romance I've read in fandom. It just...you created such a believable world for them here, layered and rich, and for awhile I couldn't help but grin while reading. I mean, Sam reading the Bible! Somehow, that's about the sweetest thing ever.

You pulled the emotional reaction right out of me as I went, all the tension and trepidation when Dean decides to leave, all the horror and pain when he's 'gone' gone. I FELT the love they have for one another and while, yes, I always know SAMNDEANTRULOVE, this made it so freaking real to me and I quite actually had to stop reading at one point because it hurt SO BAD (but oh-so-good). I'm a sucker for tragedies and this, just. GOD, this is the best of em - sewn up so thank-god-well with a happy ending.

Everything - the sense of time and place, the character essences captured in their letters, the sorrow and loss of Sam all alone, the connection and bond of them together - it just made this such an experience to read and I loved every moment. GAH, I am so blown away!

♥♥♥

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Your feedback just totally made me all warm and fuzzy. :) I can't tell you how happy it made me, that you enjoyed the story so much; that it made you feel so much as you were reading. *hugs you tight* Thank you for reading, and for the feedback, and for all your encouragement while I was writing this :) You rock so very, very much :)

*smooch*

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

HOLY CRAP, this was amazing. I've read a lot of bigbang stories so far, but this is easily my favorite.

I love Sam/Dean AUs, and they can be so difficult to write well. The Supernatural universe can get a little redundant sometimes, so to have a high quality AU...just GUH, THANK YOU. And I love the time period, too; you nailed the dialogue and little historical details and it totally made the story. I can appreciate how hard it must've been to do the research, since my own bigbang is a historical AU and oh my god, the research has taken so much longer than the writing itself, I think.

ANYWAY. When I write up my bigbang rec list after they're all posted, this is going straight to the top.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, thank you :) I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it so much! It also made me very warm and fuzzy to hear you praise the dialogue and historical details, because I really worked hard on getting those (you would not believe the research for this, OMG...though yes, you can, if yours is historical a/u too *g*) And yeah, the research takes as long or longer than the writing, in my opinion.

I'm looking forward to reading yours, and thank you (in advance *g*) for the potential rec :)

[sasskitten.livejournal.com]

I feel exhausted after reading that, you made me cry like 4 separate times in the space of an hour. It was a beautiful story on its own, but setting it in war time made it even more tragic and heart breaking.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I think I cried that many times while writing it, so I totally empathize.

Thank you for reading, and for the feedback--I'm really glad you enjoyed the story :)

[my-sam-dean.livejournal.com]

I stayed up ridiculously late to read teh whole thing. I couldn't put it down. Wonderful story!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for reading! I'm thrilled to hear you enjoyed it :)

[iyalode.livejournal.com]

Gorgeous. And emotionally stunning. The details you wove into the story and god! those letters were fantastic because of all the things they couldn't say.

Thanks. This was an absolute pleasure to read.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm thrilled you enjoyed it as much as you did :) Thanks for the wonderful feedback, too, it made me all warm and fuzzy :)

[nu-breed.livejournal.com]

Oh, Kim.

You should be so proud of this. I agree with you, I really do think it's your best work. It's an absolutely exquisite and emotionally engaging story, and although all your characterisations are wonderful, I am so in love with your Sam it isn't even funny.

The world you created was SO rich and vivid. I could see the farm so clearly in my head, so clearly that I could almost taste it, and I really lost myself in that world for the whole time I was reading.

The sex was, of course, gorgeous. It felt totally realistic too, for the period, and it was sensual and loving and made me catch my breath a number of times.

I just think this is such a wonderful piece of work, Kim. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

♥

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight tight tight* Your feedback made me a mess of grinning, silly happiness :) I wanted the world to seem real, wanted that time period to feel like it was really happening...so it just makes me want to shout with joy that it did, to you.

The sex stuff was probably the trippiest to write, because they would be so much more innocent than 15 and 19 yr olds are today...and definitely wouldn't have the resources available that kids do now. (I can't even imagine living in a time when you could get hauled off to jail just for kissing another guy!)

Thank YOU for reading it, and for the awesome feedback (and audiencing). Now I get to go read yours :) *snuggles you*

[tigerpinky.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing, this was beautiful.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading :) I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it.

[leighm.livejournal.com]

I'm so proud of you ♥

This is such a beautiful story of them. You captured who they've always been from the very beginning-as I think back to Dean's journal and the first moment he laid eyes on Sam when he was born and he gave his heart away right then, always. *cries again* The ease and assurance in Sam, always knowing that he'll never ever love anyone as he does Dean and that he sticks by that until years later when they find each other again and tells him he was waiting until the day he came back.

I'm just blown away by you and your talent. This is so special and thank you for allowing me to be a part of it ♥

I purposefully didn't look at most of the art even after you sent it to me the other night. I wanted to break down a little more I guess:p What she's done, she made it really come to life.

I'm speechless, Kim.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

*snuggles up to you* Thank you SO MUCH for all the help you gave me with this. It wouldn't be nearly what it is without your feedback and assistance, and patience in answering my OMGNOWWHAT? emails. :)

I'm glad Dean wasn't dead, because Sam would've waited forever and beyond, to be reunited with him. He gave his heart away to Dean probably as early as Dean gave his...and there was never going to be anyone else for Sam (or Dean--as evidenced by what he tells Sam about his German wife). To me, Sam and Dean are a love story in and of themselves, and I'm so happy I was able to convey that with this :)

Thank you a thousand times. *hugs*

[ladyvyola.livejournal.com]

Awesome story, babe. So cool and such a wrenching roller-coaster -- like I really needed to be sobbing at my desk this morning!

Off to fling myself at mkitty3's feet, wailing, "I'm not worthy!"

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* I think I've come a long way from Chakotay/Paris, huh? :)

I'm really glad you enjoyed the story :) And mkitty3... she should totally have lots of people flinging themselves at her feet, because her artwork made this story a thousand times richer and more emotional than it was. :)

[estei.livejournal.com]

This is so completely amazing. Not just the storytelling and the story itself, but the way you just draw the reader in to all of the emotions of the characters. When the telegram came I thought I was going to cry, and then when Bobby died I actually had to turn away from the computer and compose myself. I love how you kind of set up signposts early on for what would be coming, tiny details that enriched the story so much, like Dean telling Sam he would never leave like their father did which makes it so much more poignant and heartbreaking when Sam is the last one standing.

This is absolutely amazing on every level. I will definetely be saving this to the memories and printing off a copy so that I can take it with me for emergency readings anywhere!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

*beams happily* Thank you for the lovely, incredible feedback :) I'm really blown away by the emotional impact this story has had on folks -- and thrilled that it has.

I cried while writing the scene where the telegram arrives (among others), so I understand :) Thank you again for reading, and for letting me know how much you enjoyed the story :)

[mikeyrhcp.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just wow.

Man, i sit here trying to figure out words to say just how much i LOVE this story. But i can't. Nothing i'll say can truly express my feelings right now.

This story was a roller coster. I cried like a little baby during the last 3 episode and i had the biggest smile on my face when i read those last line.

You should be SO proud of yourself for writing this amazing story and i couldn't be happier that i read it.

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Wow. Thank you so much! I really am very proud of this, but that grows a little more each time I (re)read the comments left here. I'm simply amazed this story has had such an effect on people--and so glad that it did. Thank you for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed it. I really appreciate it :)