Terror for your Saturday morning, Cramp-style!

[mickeym]

It's been WAY too long since I tortured y'all shared the goodness that is the Lava Lamp Story.

(Please note, the story is only hosted by adelate -- she DID NOT write it *g*)

If you've never read it, you should. It's badfic at it's badfic-y best (and definitely NOT to be taken seriously, though sadly, I suspect the actual author intended it to be serious). It's popslash, but don't let that scar(e) you away (leave that for the actual story *koff*).

Disclaimer thingy from the last time I posted the link: DO NOT read it while eating if you're 1) easily amused, or 2) squeamish in any way. I'd hate to ruin anyone's breakfast/lunch/tea/dinner/whatever. :)

Also, be sure to check out my Lava Lamp tag, because there are lots of fun links *g* Plus the comments in those entries? PRICELESS. turps33, nopseud I'm lookin' at you. :P

Oh, hell with it. It's always good to have all the links in one place, right?

turps33 did an illustrated version of the story.

And then there's the Top 15 phrases we never want to see in fanfic AGAIN, EVER.

(And y'all should know, I read this outloud at a fan-gathering, lo, these many years ago. Much booze was required, but fun was had by all *g*)

Comments

[starweather.livejournal.com]

Kim? Um, I need to know the story behind the Lava Lamp Story before I die of laughter. Or possibly horror. Or accidentally squish my nose in from all the facepalming.

Is that shit REAL?!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

It's a real story -- by which I mean, someone in popslash fandom wrote it, as a story -- that was posted to a fic list many moons back. I don't know the author, I wasn't on the mailing list it was posted to. Hell, I don't even remember how I came to read it in the first place.

It's scary as hell, going in, but if you read it with the intent to be entertained (and skim *g*), you'll probably end up dying of laughter (though, expect some horror, since you're a GOOD writer!) ;)

I really and truly hope no one's ever attempted this before, though considering some of what I've seen shoved up people's asses in bad porn, I suppose there's someone out there who has. But I doubt the author is one of them. In fact, I'm pretty sure the author has never 1) had sex or 2) seen male genitalia.

[starweather.livejournal.com]

I read the first... three scenes, I think? Until one person grabs another person and throws them on the bed, and then I wasn't sure whether to throw up or start laughing hysterically...

I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX BEFORE. *ahem* or uh, seen male genitalia in anything but like, babies, or my computer screen. AND YET.

I think I have to go back and finish it now.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

For someone who's never had sex before, you write it very well! *g*

Remember: SKIM. *g* Don't try to read it slowly, because that kind of reading will kill you.

[starweather.livejournal.com]

I have a fairly passable imagination. HEE. (and I just announced that to your flist. Um. *headdesk*)

I FINISHED IT. I may have only read about half of it, though. I couldn't take the rest, but I paused to goggle over 'twin towers of terror' and 'piss slit' and how Lance's (I think it's Lance?) dick is apparently... bigger than his wrist. Holy ouch.

I used to have a lava-lamp. It was about the same size as my torso. FUCK THAT'S GOTTA HURT.

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Lamp loves you, Kim!

(http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v11/turps33/assorted%20sparkles/?action=view&current=love.png)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but Lamp loves Chris MORE. (Thank God... *g*)

[nomelon.livejournal.com]

No, no, no! Look what you did! Think of my sacrifice! You're now traumatising THE ENTIRE WORLD.

D:

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Hee! *pets* I've traumatised my flist with this regularly *g* Because after a certain point of exposure, it ceases to be horrifying (mostly) and just becomes funny (with a side of sad).

I read this outloud years ago, at a fan-gathering in England. (I was the only non-Brit, so I got 'elected'.) It made it funnier, actually, though we had to keep stopping for bathroom breaks (so we didn't pee ourselves) and booze. :)

Oh, and the illustrated story -- think Plastic Winchester Theater. It's not actually illustrations,it's done with the Nsync dolls marketed years ago.

[pensnest]

And there was, naturally, an outsize L*** L*** bubbling gloopily in the corner... One of the many occasions in the company of popslashers on which I've laughed so hard I couldn't breathe, and a cherished memory.

I was going to offer your flist further opportunities for traumatisation, but sadly, turloughishere's index of More Lava Lamp Stories is currently offline. Though it should be pointed out that a goodly portion of the trauma involved in reading the one true original comes from its somewhat... cavalier use of language, which subsequent derivatives have tended not to imitate.

[munibunny.livejournal.com]

What's wrong? There are masterpieces of equal caliber in the SPN comms as we speak...

[zortified.livejournal.com]

Oh, fandoms before this have had worse and just as bad. There's Kirk/Spock and the Jade Pagoda, and the Pros stories with Bodie being fucked by Doyle who is in large cat form (jaguar, I think?) at the time. Or one of them being fucked by a forest spirit and carried around by the wood prick in his ass, around the forest. I don't recall why.

This is nothing, really.

[clumsygyrl.livejournal.com]

...see. somewhere in my brain i had repressed this.

now, now i can never unlearn that.

[rivers-bend.livejournal.com]

The irony of you posting this on the same morning that Dei threatened offered to buy me the red one of these (http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=11827461) is making me laugh even harder than I otherwise might have.

Oh badfic. Oh, oh oh.

[ro-anshi.livejournal.com]

turps33 did an illustrated version of the story.

OMG it's even better that they're marionette figures!!

I laughed so hard.

[annella.livejournal.com]

OHHH MY GOD I had heard of the Lava Lamp Story but had never read it. And now I am going to have nightmares. *L*

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

It's very noble of you to never let us forget, no matter how much we want to keep the tradition alive like this.

My biggest regret in life is that I wasn't there to hear you read it.