mickeym

Yesterday sucked a lot, and I'm really glad it's now yesterday. But getting some sleep and some time away from LJ and fandom has given me a chance to think about things; about things I said/did/reacted to, and about things others said or did.

I can see, in retrospect, that I did do some speaking/reacting-before-thinking, and I hate that. I hate that about ME, and it's something I'm probably going to be working on until the day I die. I'm not quite as bad as Chicken Little, but I have my moments. I think any of you who've known me for any real length of time probably know that. *wry smile*

I feel like one of the catalysts for things devolving the way they did yesterday, both for me personally, and for fandom in general, was the whole concept of "fandom should support its own". It seems like a simple phrase, but I think it's kind of tricky--because we look at the words and it seems as though whoever said them is saying "(You) should support (whatever person/action) without thought, regardless of what your opinion is." But support doesn't have to be that, or mean that. Support can mean simply shoring someone up. The folks involved directly in whatever legal action is happening...are having a really rough time of it. And if I were going through something like that, I'd like to know that my friends weren't going to hate me or turn their back on me, even if those friends disagree with my position.

I saw other people saying things like "have your own opinion, but be NICE about it", and I think that's what it boils down to. What a generic sense of 'support' boils down to. What I was trying (and failed badly) to say yesterday.

Do I think Jensen, or his "people", have a right to take action perceived to be in Jensen's best interest? Absolutely. Do I think that action (as seen in whispers and bits yesterday) seemed a bit OTT or harsh, for first contact? Yeah, I do, but I'm not Jensen or his people; maybe they thought that action was what was needed. I don't know. None of us will probably ever know.

I spent a good chunk of yesterday afternoon and evening watching more and more posts pop up about all of this. Some were really well-thought out, some were more reactionary, some were a mixture of both. The thing about so many of the posts that I saw though, that upset me so much, wasn't people having opinions or thoughts or suppositions. It was the posts where folks said things like supporting people equaled fannish entitlement. That really hurt, because I've never felt (or acted, I hope) like I was entitled to anything, fannishly speaking. Were those posts directed at me? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Did they hurt, regardless? Yeah, they did.

It's my opinion that no one should ever apologize for having their own opinion/thoughts/feelings. But it's probably always a good idea to remember that words can and do hurt -- particularly in a written medium where it's very difficult to gauge tone, see facial expressions, etc.

If you read through this, thank you. Hopefully I didn't ramble or lose sight of what I was trying to express.

I've stayed home from work today, too. Called in and took a sick day. I don't feel well, in general, though I suspect a lot of it is just residual emotions pinging around. Some of it's physical, too, like the fact that my ankles/lower legs are still so swollen they hurt. I'm going to spend the day with my feet propped up, and watch television, I think. Or maybe read some more big bangs. Or, possibly get caught up on answering comments. How's that for an ambitious plan?

Thank you to everyone who offered hugs and whatnot yesterday. You all are an amazing group of people, and I'm blessed to have you in my life.