Is it just me who finds this creepy?

[mickeym]

In Pursuit of Teen Purity

The pictures are bad enough -- the one at the top of the article has (presumably) two fathers and two daughters, and one "couple" are in what seriously looks like a couple-y pose. *shudder*

The whole thing is creepy, in my opinion, but this passage from the article just creeps me the fuck out (bolding is mine):

When Kylie was 13, her parents took her on a hike in Lake Tahoe, Calif. "We discussed what it means to be a teenager in today's world," she says. They gave her a charm for her bracelet--a lock in the shape of a heart. Her father has the key. "On my wedding day, he'll give it to my husband," she explains. "It's a symbol of my father giving up the covering of my heart, protecting me, since it means my husband is now the protector. He becomes like the shield to my heart, to love me as I'm supposed to be loved."

In theory, I get the idea behind the Purity Balls. But why isn't anyone addressing this with boys, too? Why isn't anyone getting all the kids together and saying "hey, you know what? You don't have to have sex, or (whatever, fill in the blank). Just be kids, have a good time growing up."

Honestly, I think the whole focus on 'purity' is more than a little weird (and not a little Victorian. Or, y'know, medieval.). If people want their daughters to be pure, well. Let's get rid of "french maid" halloween costumes for *children*. Or crop tops. Or shorts, etc., that have words written across the butt, or the other myriad of girls' fashions that seem determined to flaunt and exploit children and teens' sexuality.

And for God's sake, include the boys, too!

Comments

[taselby.livejournal.com]

I think the whole notion of parents owning their kids' sexuality creepy and badbadbadwrong. *Especially* this idea of fathers handing over their daughters' "purity" to her husband. The whole concept makes me feel like I need a shower.

What the FUCK happened to teaching our kids to be their OWN persons? To be responsible for themselves and learn how to make good choices? What's next? Chastity belts?

And what in the hell do they actually mean by "purity" (and GOD that word skeezes me out)? No penetrative sex? Oral sex? Petting? Necking? Kissing? Short dresses? Midriff tops? Where is the line? And this really gives me an uber-creepy "sorry, boys, this is all for Daddy until he decides he's done with it" way.

Maybe I'm out here alone in the way I'm raising my kids. Sex isn't a one time "birds & bees & babies" talk, it's a running dialogue. Open forum. I'm of the "here is all the information, here is what's happening to your body." And beyond the raw biology of it, I'm doing my level best to dismantle that fuck-headed PATRIARCHAL notion of female sexual "purity." For my girls AND my boy. ("Yes, waiting is better. If you can't, here is how to protect yourself and your partner. Sex *isn't* love. Don't confuse the two. Like chocolate and peanut butter, they are great together, but usually exist seperately. Virginity -- male and female -- is a crap notion. You are not magically changed, enlightened, dirty, impure, damaged, or anything after you have sex. You are still you.")

What is WITH people? Sex-obsessed prurient puritanical FUCKERS. *RAGE* When these "purity pledge" girls are ready to have sex, they won't need Daddy's permission. It's like those goddamned viginity rings. It doesn't stop kids from having sex, it just lessens the chances that they will protect themselves from pregnancy and disease.

What kids need is honest, no-shit information. "Just say no" didn't work in the 80s, and it doesn't work now, even when you dress it up in formalwear and make it unbelievably creepy.

Crap. I have no icon for this.

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

You said everything I wanted to say, only so much better. You give your kids the info they need, then you let them live their lives.

[taselby.livejournal.com]

Thank you. This topic just rips me open with rage and squick.

Re: kids, I figure it's their life, and they need good information to make good decisions. I admit that I get tested every so often. I promised myself that to the best of my ability I'd answer any question they brought me, because if they are ready to ask the question, they're ready to hear the answer.

When my oldest daughter was 7, she asked "what's sex?" So I gave her the bare penis-in-vagina definition (I'd refine it when she was older). She looked at me, thought, and said "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard."

My youngest daughter, when she was 7 (why these things happen at 7, I've no idea) asked "What's an orgasm?" *laughs* That one was tougher.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

My youngest daughter, when she was 7 (why these things happen at 7, I've no idea) asked "What's an orgasm?" *laughs* That one was tougher.

*snickers* You and me, lady. We've got some awesome kids, yeah? *g*

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

You're not alone in how you're raising your kids. I started laying the foundation for sex talks when Matthew first started asking -- following like you said, if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough for SOME sort of answer. And you know (as does anyone who reads this journal) that Matthew and I have an ongoing dialogue about sex, and anything and everything relating to it.

What kids need is honest, no-shit information. "Just say no" didn't work in the 80s, and it doesn't work now, even when you dress it up in formalwear and make it unbelievably creepy.

And really, why is it that anyone feels there needs to be a formal dance for this? What about the kids/parents who can't afford a fancy dress and/or suit, or where there is no dad around, and hasn't been? I really was impressed (NOT) with the dude who's fathered nine kids on seven different women, and who is now 'stepping up' to be a role-model. Dude. Keep your pants zipped up, or wear a rubber, or get a fucking vasectomy. You go around fucking that many women, you're a walking billboard for STDs (among other things). Be a role-model by NOT IMPREGNATING EVERY WOMAN YOU SEE.

I think my train of thought derailed. Ugh. Now I'm all rage-y and stuff, so I should probably go make dinner. And you're welcome to use my "stabbitystabstab" icon, here *g*

[taselby.livejournal.com]

(takes icon) Thank you!

You note that the 9-kids-guy is only stepping up now because he has stage-4 lung cancer.

I read the article in full, and really, part of the problem (aside from the OTT SQUICK of it all) really hit me in the last few paragraphs where they talked about "dating with intent." Nobody just *dates* any more. It's all "going together" / boyfriends / girlfriends / exclusive couples, and the thought that each relationship might be "the one" and last forever. That's a lot of pressure when teens should be going out with a lot of different people, being friends, having fun, and sneaking kisses in the back of the theater.

But that one father, wanting boys to come ask for permission to get to know his daughter? WTF? That's a recipe for rebellion simmering on the stove.

And what the HELL with the 4-year-olds there pledging their "purity"?? *squick squick squick*

[dragovianknight.livejournal.com]

"Yes, waiting is better. If you can't, here is how to protect yourself and your partner. Sex *isn't* love. Don't confuse the two. Like chocolate and peanut butter, they are great together, but usually exist seperately. Virginity -- male and female -- is a crap notion. You are not magically changed, enlightened, dirty, impure, damaged, or anything after you have sex. You are still you."

That? That is pure awesome right there.

[cereta.livejournal.com]

All of that. Yes.

Purity balls have alternated between making me blind with rage and nauseated with ick since I first head of them.