I love fandom, or why Cramp will forever own my soul *g*

[mickeym]

It seems The Lava Lamp story strikes again. (Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water... *koff*) without_me shared it with a friend, who was suitably...impressed *g* And doubted its authenticity! So far as we know, someone really wrote it, intending it to be a 'serious' story. One could even presume it was intended to be hot/sexy.

Personally, there's no experience that tops anything to do (hah, I said 'tops') with it quite like READING IT OUTLOUD AT A FAN GATHERING. Which I have done. With the help of liquor. *g*

turps33 did a fantastic illustrated version, with the help of the Nsync Marionettes. (PSA: Don't attempt to eat or drink while viewing it.)

It spawned a whole 'nother sub-genre of fic, the Cramp!stories (for the uninitiated, that would be Chris/Lamp).

And then there's

1. turgid meat pressing against the cleft of his cheeks
2. The musky manliness of Lance wafted up to JC's nose
3. The bulbous head of JC's dick
4. his wiry pubes scratching his upturned ass
5. pull his tumescent dick from Lance's clenching orifice
6. His massive member slick with Lance's insides
7. Chris' tight rosebud
8. effectively spearing himself on JC's probing digit
9. lapped up JC's essence
10. head of his bloated cock
11. The fiery cum which had erupted from his member a few moments ago was cooling in a liquid pool
12. dripping a steady river of precum
13. the piss slit belched forth its white treasure
14. their twin towers of terror began pulsating
15. began to lap up the intoxicating mixture as it continued to drain out of Chris' stretched hole.

PSA#2: Don't click that cut-tag if you have 1) a weak stomach or 2) you're eating and/or drinking

So. Anyone have any additions to that list? *g* Or want to nominate their, *koff* 'favorite' off that list? Personally, I'm torn between #6 and #13 as my favorite ;)

Seriously, as much as I love Sam and Dean, and Supernatural... I haven't yet found anything quite as amusing/horrifying/entertaining/weird/far-fetched as the whole lava lamp thing. It has a special place in my heart *g*

Comments

[rivers-bend.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *dies*

Oh, this is never ever not funny. I think 6 has to come near the top of the list, but then there's 10-15, which can also not be underestimated in their rankness. i mean... The piss slit belched forth its white treasure? Really? TREASURE? *gags*

For fun and crack, The fic that goes with the candle salad pics (http://dsudis.livejournal.com/380931.html) is also good. Crack, but not really badfic, so not a patch on the lava lamp.

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

#13 will always be #1 in my heart. And I can't imagine anything in any fandom ANYWHERE topping (heh) the Lava Lamp story.

[azephirin.livejournal.com]

*dies*
*dies again*

It's...really hard to choose a winner from that distinguished list! Um. I think I have to choose #14, just because it makes me thing of Dinosaur Comics (http://www.qwantz.com/archive/000987.html) and that just makes me giggle all the more.

[pensnest]

I just giggled for five minutes when I read your comment.

*Nobody* tops Lamp!

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

*Nobody* tops Lamp!

It would be very messy, wouldn't it? And there would be tragic breakage.

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

I love my Chramp! :D

[pensnest]

We had an official reading at Camp Sparkle this year, and several people nearly asphyxiated laughing. My unfortunate Beast was present, and bravely endured it all.

I was going to provide you (see how generous!) with a link to turloughishere's memoried list of all the Lamp fics, because yes, but LJ refuses to let me. :-(

[kittiec.livejournal.com]

AH-HAHAHAAAA! #13 is the best/worst EVAR!!!

Oh man, I'm crying from laughing too hard.

[pensnest]

Oh, I found Turlough's index - and I don't think your fic is on it! Horror!

Lava Lamp Fic Index

[phaballa.livejournal.com]

We were on a bit of a quest to find the author so we could get someone to record it at dirtypod, but then the thought of asking that person for permission sort of halted us. Because we're pretty sure they were totally serious about the fic, and they probably don't have any idea what they started :P

[runedgirl.livejournal.com]

OMG, thank you for the warning or I would have spit my chai all over my keyboard by the time I got to #13 and totally lost it. Hahahahahaha. OMG. Priceless. :)

OH. MY. GOD.

[meinnim.livejournal.com]

I have never read the infamous lava lamp story. And now that I've seen the illustrated version and read scary but somehow hilarious phrases, I never will. *g*

READING IT OUTLOUD AT A FAN GATHERING

You're a much braver soul than me, Kim. I can't even bring myself to say 'turgid meat' without laughing hysterically or cringing in horror.

#5 gets my vote only because of the word temuscent. What the hell is tumescent? *dies*

[tabularassa.livejournal.com]

lmao!

[puszysty.livejournal.com]

Turgid meat sounds like something off of Bizarre Foods on the travel channel. which- ew.
#13 is such a ridiculous combination of words that it's hilarious. :D

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Lamp! He's still my favourite!

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOL You are talking about cathybites reading in LA y/y? which was the only tie hotel security was called at WIncon>

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Heeee! No, actually, I read it outloud at a small fan-gathering when I was in England in July, 2005. *g*

Our stomachs ached afterward, we all laughed so hard, so I don't have ANY trouble imagining that hotel security was called ;)

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

IT IS A WEAPON OF DEADLY FORCE!

srsly i think i broke somethign laughing. Thank you for taking me back to that awful teriible yet happy place!

LAVA LAMPS RULE!

[apetslife.livejournal.com]

My own personal lava-lamp story will ALWAYS BE "Let Me Be Your Candle." I don't know where it is or if it's even still up, but Nick Carter masturbating with a big candle and Kevin coming in and saying "Nick, let me be your candle" is something that I will probably remember till the end of my days.

*DIES*

[arabia764.livejournal.com]

Puckered opening????

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Good God, those are hilariously BAAAAAAAAAAAAAD phrases!!!!

PS - #13 totally rocks!