mickeym | When..., 1/1, PG-13, Sam/Dean

Title: When…
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG-13
Words: 788
Warnings: Implied underage (Sam is 16), nothing graphic
Spoilers: Vague for the Pilot, and AHBL2
Disclaimer: They're not mine, which makes me sad.
A/N: Just a little ficlet that popped into my head when I should've been writing other things. Many, many thanks to

leighm for the quick beta. *hugs you* Hope y'all enjoy the story :)

When Sam is born, Dean learns there's another word that means 'love'. It's 'brother'.

When Sam turns a year old, he babbles constantly at anyone who smiles at him. Dean is the only person he'll smile back at.

When Sam turns two, he trips over stumbly feet and lands head-first on the stone steps of Pastor Jim's church. Dean sings "Hickory, Dickory, Dock" until Sam stops screaming and lets Dad clean and bandage the cut.

When Sam is three, Dean spends every night at bedtime reading Curious George to him. He stumbles over some of the words, but makes sure to make funny faces because it always makes Sammy giggle.

When Sam is four, Dean teaches him how to tie his shoes and zip up his pants. He holds Sammy's hand tight as they walk to school, telling Sam the whole way how he's never to talk to strangers, and look both ways before crossing streets. Dean 's eight, almost nine, but he lets Sam hug him goodbye outside his kindergarten classroom.

When Sam is five, he almost dies, and it's Dean's fault. It's a long, long time before Dean stops reliving that moment in his mind over and over. It's even longer -- never -- before he stops feeling guilty about it.

When Sam is six he can read his own books at bedtime. He still asks Dean to read to him afterward, and Dean never says no.

When Sam is seven he spends three months purposely putting his shoes on the wrong feet when he gets dressed. Dean never does figure out why, but thinks it might be because he always cusses when he has to stop and redo them. Sam doesn't use the words, but Dean sees him framing the words with his mouth. Learning them.

When Sam is eight, Dean tells him monsters are real and Santa isn't. Dean thinks later that he feels worse having to tell him about the monsters than about Santa.

When Sam is nine, he can speak and read Latin almost better than English. He corrects Dean on his pronunciation and grins when Dean grumbles about it.

When Sam is ten, Dean shows him how to shoot and reload a shotgun under fire. Later, he teaches Sam how to break the gun down, clean it, and reassemble it.

In the years in between ten and sixteen, Dean teaches Sam about girls, cars, drinking and hustling pool. He teaches Sam how to pick locks and drive the Impala, and suture wounds. At night, sometimes huddled together, sometimes in separate beds, he teaches Sam about the different monsters they hunt. Tells him stories and legends. Dean shares things with Sam he doesn't show to anyone else, ever.

He never has to teach Sam about love, or how to love him. Sam figures that out on his own.

When Sam is sixteen, he kisses Dean for the first time.

It's not a perfect kiss; it's not even close. But it's sweet and hungry, Sam pressing Dean back against the wall, holding him there with his body. Kisses turn to touches, each one eager, but tentative. Learning and exploring, teaching each other.

He's loved his brother all their lives.

When Sam is sixteen, Dean falls in love with him.

When Sam is eighteen, he leaves for Stanford. He leaves with angry words hanging in the air, vibrating along Dean's skin like electricity. Dad snarls, "if you leave, don't come back." Sam snarls back that he doesn't plan to.

Dean drives Sam to the train station two days later. It's rainy and gray, drizzling off and on, making Dean shiver even though it's not cold out. He parks the Impala at the far end of the lot and cuts the engine, listening to it tick over; listening to Sam breathe in the near-silence. Sam reaches for him first, eyes red and watery, misery written all over his face. They kiss desperately, once, twice, a third time. Sam tastes like coffee, sugar and tears.

When Sam is eighteen, he breaks Dean's heart.

When Sam is twenty-two, Dean pulls him out of the fire and the end of his normal, safe life…and back into Dean's.

When Sam is twenty-two and a handful of months, he kisses Dean again. Not the soft, sweet, hungry kisses of sixteen, or even eighteen. He kisses now with all the experience of living and loving, and losing. Dean tastes the sorrow in those kisses; imagines some of it is the sorrow from hurt between the two of them.

When Sam is twenty-three, Dean sells his soul to a red-eyed devil to bring his brother back from the dead. His only regret about it is that she only gives him one last year to love Sam.

~fin~