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beyond horrorific
Aug. 9th, 2010 07:13 pmI came across this link while reading my flist -- thank you, Carys. I'm actually still crying a little, eyes still tearing up, not only because a child, little more than a baby, is dead...but for the societal contributions to the man who killed him.
What it Says About Us When a 17-Month-Old Boy Is Beaten to Death for "Acting Like a Girl"
It's still early in the investigation and there are naturally more questions than answers at this point. Doubtless, facts and details will emerge about Pedro Jones along with the very real possibility that he endured horrors of his own that helped craft what he later became. It's too early to paint him as a monster, or at least as a one-dimensional monster. With few exceptions, monsters are made, not born. They are still monsters, but they are carved with the hurtful blows of many sharp chisels, over many years.
At the very least, his own violent psychopathology notwithstanding, someone, somewhere, taught Pedro Jones that the worst thing a little boy can do is act like a girl. In the end, it matters precious little when or where he learned it, because a 17-month-old toddler ultimately paid a terrible price for that lesson.
On Sunday night, his little body wracked by agony, blackened with bruises, beaten within an inch of his life, gasping for breath in a world suddenly full of more pain than he could bear, his little light flickered and vanished into the darkness.
When Matthew was born, I bought him toys I thought he would enjoy playing with. I didn't care if they were gender-specific or gender-neutral: he had trucks and stuffed animals, a couple dolls, books and games. I was looking to stimulate his mind and help him grow, not worrying about if he "should" or "shouldn't" play with something. When he cried, I comforted him. He had a pacifier until he was nearly three, and I only got rid of it because I was more concerned with it affecting his teeth than if it made him seem "weak" "babyish" etc. He still has a blankie, and stuffed animals on his bed. When he was four or five, Matthew started being interested in cooking and "house stuff". Doug grumbled, but we bought him one of those little play kitchens, and a toy vacuum cleaner. I found a high chair for one of the dolls, and for a couple of years Matthew cooked and cleaned and fed his baby -- in between racing remote controlled cars with his dad, or smashing hotwheels together, or playing good guy/bad guy. I remember very distinctly sitting at the dining room table during a visit with Doug's brother, and Matthew telling Uncle Dan that he loved him, and wanted to marry him, and Dan saying something to the effect of "boys can't marry boys" -- and me telling Dan that Matthew was a very young child who was just expressing his love for his Uncle, it had nothing to do with being a boy, etc. He said the same thing once about a little boy he was friends with in daycare -- and I practically had to gag Doug in order to explain that Matthew was just expressing he liked his friend; it had nothing to do with anything else -- and SO WHAT IF IT DID.
I've never told my son, "boys can't do X" or "only boys should do X". When he said to me once that he shouldn't cry because he's a guy, I said that was BS. Crying happens if we're hurt or overwhelmed or happy -- and emotions aren't limited to gender. If you need to cry, cry. There's nothing to be gained by not crying, and feeling like you can't do it because of your gender? Stupid. As is anyone who tells you you can't express yourself by crying.
I am so saddened for the young woman who lost her son to a brutal attack that happened because our society is so hung up on gender, and what's appropriate or not for that gender. How do you even assign appropriate/not appropriate to the behavior of a 17mo old child? How the hell can ANYONE say a child that young is acting "effeminate" (or masculine, or anything else)? At that age, most kids are just starting to put a couple words together, and are still happy with big, colored blocks, or balls, or Barney the Dinosaur. They're BABIES. There's nothing feminine, masculine, etc., about a child that age. They haven't developed enough to show those traits.
I'm going to read this article to Matthew later, and then I'm going to hug him tight and be very thankful he's alive and well, and comfortable enough with himself to still snuggle with his blankie, or cry in front of me when he needs to, and to confide in me the couple of guy-crushes he has. And I'm going to say a prayer for the children growing up in this world, that we're able to change ideals and thinking before it's too late.
What it Says About Us When a 17-Month-Old Boy Is Beaten to Death for "Acting Like a Girl"
It's still early in the investigation and there are naturally more questions than answers at this point. Doubtless, facts and details will emerge about Pedro Jones along with the very real possibility that he endured horrors of his own that helped craft what he later became. It's too early to paint him as a monster, or at least as a one-dimensional monster. With few exceptions, monsters are made, not born. They are still monsters, but they are carved with the hurtful blows of many sharp chisels, over many years.
At the very least, his own violent psychopathology notwithstanding, someone, somewhere, taught Pedro Jones that the worst thing a little boy can do is act like a girl. In the end, it matters precious little when or where he learned it, because a 17-month-old toddler ultimately paid a terrible price for that lesson.
On Sunday night, his little body wracked by agony, blackened with bruises, beaten within an inch of his life, gasping for breath in a world suddenly full of more pain than he could bear, his little light flickered and vanished into the darkness.
When Matthew was born, I bought him toys I thought he would enjoy playing with. I didn't care if they were gender-specific or gender-neutral: he had trucks and stuffed animals, a couple dolls, books and games. I was looking to stimulate his mind and help him grow, not worrying about if he "should" or "shouldn't" play with something. When he cried, I comforted him. He had a pacifier until he was nearly three, and I only got rid of it because I was more concerned with it affecting his teeth than if it made him seem "weak" "babyish" etc. He still has a blankie, and stuffed animals on his bed. When he was four or five, Matthew started being interested in cooking and "house stuff". Doug grumbled, but we bought him one of those little play kitchens, and a toy vacuum cleaner. I found a high chair for one of the dolls, and for a couple of years Matthew cooked and cleaned and fed his baby -- in between racing remote controlled cars with his dad, or smashing hotwheels together, or playing good guy/bad guy. I remember very distinctly sitting at the dining room table during a visit with Doug's brother, and Matthew telling Uncle Dan that he loved him, and wanted to marry him, and Dan saying something to the effect of "boys can't marry boys" -- and me telling Dan that Matthew was a very young child who was just expressing his love for his Uncle, it had nothing to do with being a boy, etc. He said the same thing once about a little boy he was friends with in daycare -- and I practically had to gag Doug in order to explain that Matthew was just expressing he liked his friend; it had nothing to do with anything else -- and SO WHAT IF IT DID.
I've never told my son, "boys can't do X" or "only boys should do X". When he said to me once that he shouldn't cry because he's a guy, I said that was BS. Crying happens if we're hurt or overwhelmed or happy -- and emotions aren't limited to gender. If you need to cry, cry. There's nothing to be gained by not crying, and feeling like you can't do it because of your gender? Stupid. As is anyone who tells you you can't express yourself by crying.
I am so saddened for the young woman who lost her son to a brutal attack that happened because our society is so hung up on gender, and what's appropriate or not for that gender. How do you even assign appropriate/not appropriate to the behavior of a 17mo old child? How the hell can ANYONE say a child that young is acting "effeminate" (or masculine, or anything else)? At that age, most kids are just starting to put a couple words together, and are still happy with big, colored blocks, or balls, or Barney the Dinosaur. They're BABIES. There's nothing feminine, masculine, etc., about a child that age. They haven't developed enough to show those traits.
I'm going to read this article to Matthew later, and then I'm going to hug him tight and be very thankful he's alive and well, and comfortable enough with himself to still snuggle with his blankie, or cry in front of me when he needs to, and to confide in me the couple of guy-crushes he has. And I'm going to say a prayer for the children growing up in this world, that we're able to change ideals and thinking before it's too late.
