okay. stepping AWAY from the internet for a while

I think they've fixed my a/c. Finally. It shut down again last night, during the night, so we'll see.

Everything is making me cranky. Well, no. I'm cranky, in general, and so everything is irritating me as a result. I think it's best if I just back away for a while. (Probably won't be gone all that long--I'm like a freakin' addict needing a fix. But I'm making an effort, here.)

thinking is hard, and owning it sometimes hurts

So I made a mistake with the way I worded things in the (now deleted) previous post. I shouldn't have said "everyone should", and yeah, I'm sorry. Having the choice to make choices, to make our own decisions...that's what defines freedom, I guess, and I have no right to assume what I feel is right, nor to tell everyone they should think/feel the way I do. I also guess I really am still naive enough to wish everyone could agree, get along, know the same thing, that there weren't so many of my friends on both sides of whatever this thing is.

I don't know what to think about what's going on, and I still don't believe we're hearing everything from either side. I know I hope there's just been, I don't know, a misunderstanding. Or that there's an elaborate joke being played on someone (though if that's the case? Shame on the person(s) playing the joke).

I spent the first part of this day cranky from heat and swollen ankles, and I'm spending the second half of the day feeling sick to my stomach and like I want to cry. Like something's ending, or about to, and I don't even know that it is. Not sure even that the feeling like I want to cry part is even necessarily really related to anything fannish or just life in general.

I do still hope people will read the links starting to show up all around.

something to smile over

Push Back the Shadows (It's Time to Rest) - by thehighwaywoman. It's Sam/Dean, G, and is a pre-story timestamp to her By Any Other Name (What Matters Is What Something Is).

They drive 1500 miles together. When she cries, he tries to comfort her, though he's afraid he'll break her instead. He wants to love her, but he doesn't know how.

When he apologizes, she doesn't understand. He tries resting this way and that, and finally figures out she'll quiet down if she can hear his heart beating. So he lets her sleep on his chest. He gets why she's upset. He could use some comfort too, stoicism be damned, so why he doesn't pick up the phone and call Dean he just doesn't know.

Go read it. I promise you'll ache with love for all of them (including the author).