Got a question that's sort of about music

[mickeym]

This was originally posted to Facebook. I decided I had a better chance of getting a wider variety of responses here.

Facebook, I have a serious question for you, that comes with a little bit of backstory: Last night, while waiting for dinner to do its thing. Donnie, Matthew and I were listening to music on YouTube, each taking a turn to pick a song. And it was good, at first. But, and it's a big one, a lot of what Matthew listens to now very often contains extreme profanity, references to sex acts, drug/alcohol use, regular use of the N word.

I'm not dissing his music, though it kind of feels that way to him, and I did hurt his feelings (I didn't mean to, and I apologized). I had a similar, reverse, thing happen with Doug. And I know that music is intensely personal: even if you like the same music as someone else, chances are it means something different to the two of you.

But so here's my question: After a song in which the N word was used three times within 30 seconds, I stopped the song. Because I just can't. Everything I've heard and taken in through life in general, and particularly in the past couple decades or so, has been YOU DO NOT USE THE N WORD. You don't throw it around in general speech (or you're not supposed to). You're not supposed to accept that word as appropriate for any situation. Don't use it, period.
Except...why is it okay if it's dropped 23048230 times into a "song"? How is that any different from normal, every day speech?

And then Donnie blew my mind by telling me that I'm the first person she's ever heard ask/say that out loud. Surely I can't be the only person who has ever wondered that? Can anyone explain this to me?

And sidebar question(s): for anyone who has adult children, or nearing adulthood children (or family members, etc): what are they listening to? What's in those songs? Do you share musical interests with said young people?

Thanks 🙂

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Comments

[dine]

I think at least a little depends on just who's singing it. if it's a black artist it's not quite the same as if Whitey McWhiteboy uses it. some types of rap/hip hop tend to include it. I'm obviously not black, but "reclaimed" words used by members of the community are different from someone outside the community using them; much like the gay community can use words like faggot, dyke and queer - they hit differently than if straight bigots say them

[tabaqui]

What Dine said. If a Black artist chooses to use that word in their work, that is their choice, and that is fine. I'm not a fan of it, but that's my problem (I'm white, BTW).
If it makes you uncomfortable to hear, that's not a bad thing. I think it's definitely generational. A lot a lot of rap artists hip/hop artists use it, some don't, some Black individuals don't like it, some don't care, etc.
But one thing has NOT changed - unless you're Black, don't say it, and don't sing it.