Can you hear me now?

[mickeym]

I have (as y'all probably know) a kid. A teenager, at that. That kid has a cell phone. While this is occasionally handy, it's more often a royal pain in my ass. We have constant battles about ring tones, volume, use (and frequency of use). So I'm wondering...am I doing (or not doing) something wrong? Does everyone with kids-with-cell phones have to deal with this crap? Thus, a poll.

It's aimed at folks with kids between the ages of 12 and 18, but if your kid is younger and has a cellphone, or is older and still at home (and you're paying the bills), that's cool too. Please, fill out my poll, because I am very curious about this. Thanks!



[Poll #1753426]


And it occurs to me, since I can't really comment on my own entry (well, I could, but that would be weird):

The cut-off time for Matthew flexes as needed; mostly it's a talking thing -- he doesn't need to be on the phone late. During the school year, it's 930-10p; during school breaks it's midnight. Texting I'm more flexible on, as long as he has it set to vibrate and I don't have to listen to the ringtone all the time.

I've had to tell him repeatedly to tell whomever he's texting with when we're sitting down to eat, not to text for at least 15-20 min., but I'm thinking of changing that to just making him turn it OFF for that time period -- because he can't seem to understand that just because the notification comes in that he has a text doesn't mean he has to answer it right then and there.

Comments

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

I keep it simple: no talking/texting at the dinner table or if we're at a semi-cultural event like the symphony or a play (intermission is fine.) In theory, they're supposed to turn it off and not stay up half the night chatting, but since I crash out hours before they do, I don't really think that's happening. I considered the taking it away threat, but luckily didn't lay it out there before I figured out how much easier the phones make my life. (Oldest and #2 have phones; BabyBoy still does not, much to his chagrin.) Everybody keeps their phones on vibrate (or we'd go insane with how much Oldest texts. We ave an unlimited texting add-on (as much for D as anything, because when we got it, he was the one who texted all the time, but then Oldest fell in luuuuurve and they text constantly. Seeing as The Girlfriend is the only reason he pulled a B in lit this year, I'm telling myself it's worth the constant buzz-buzz-buzz of his phone.)

[cathexys.livejournal.com]

Yup, pretty much the same rules.

When it gets too much or interferes i tell mine to cut it out and he does. But in his room and so on, he's fine. But then he really doesn't abuse it, just like they don't abuse the TV and PS3 in their room or it'd go.

Heck, we still have an 8:30 bed time on week days, so between school forbidding school and afterschool activities and homework, there isn't all that much phone&texting time...

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

830p bedtime?? *swoons* GOD, I miss those days. Like, seriously MISS them. (Much like I missed when the baby finally stopped taking naps *g*)

[cathexys.livejournal.com]

LOL. My husband thinks I'm crazy, but the little one barely gets up as is. The older one often listens to some podcast or will read for half an hour, but they're in bed with main light out, so that's what I'm shooting for...

I'm really not the person to ask on this, bc I have this aberration of a son. My little one's more work than the older one, more moody, more resistant, talks back more and is less needy...in other words, my nine year old behaves like a teen, whereas my teen doesn't. Confused world :) (Which means that when little one gets a phone, we'll probably have to have rules. Older one sets his own or anticipates mine. He's the kid who went on a week school trip with $160 for all his meals and came back with $135. To this day I have no idea what he ate, but he tells me he split meals and I'd given him snacks and...he didn't want to spend my money... Younger one takes everything I give him, loses half, spends the rest, and then borrows from others... You'll see my posts of doom on that one soon :)

[copracat]

Ah, responsible oldest child syndrome! My mum swears if she'd had the smallest clue that my younger siblings weren't going to be as amenable and obedient as I was she'd have stopped at one.

(And, additionally, OMG the number of non-LJ login options in the comment page!)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I think... now that I'm doing that working thing again, and schedules are going to be very important... I'm going to insist we sit at the table for dinner. (Sadly, I've fallen into the habit as often as not, that we just fill our plates, then plop down on the couch to watch TV while we eat--thus he sits there with the phone buzzing and yeah.)

I upgraded our plan to include unlimited texts when Matthew got a couple of friends who had cellphones and wanted to text with him. For a year or so he averaged about 5K in texts/mo -- which I thought was crazy.

Then I got him that new slider phone with the QWERTY keyboard for Christmas, and that plus the long-distance gf = astronomical amounts of texts. Seriously, it was over 15,000 last month. I just can't even process that. Truly.

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

I imagine we'll have similar rules when Childthing gets his as well. \o/

[obeetaybee.livejournal.com]

I actually had to set the no phone at the dinner table rule because of husband, because yeah, he'd check his email and stuff while we were eating. I want us to talk to each other at the dinner table, not to be distracted by everything else going on in the world. My daughter actually has a prepaid phone, I haven't added her to my plan. It's actually cheaper and she's lost or ruined two phones already in the past year. After the last time, I finally got smart and plunked down the $20 for the insurance. $50 a month with unlimited text/talk. I guess she always keeps her phone on vibrate because Scott and i always have our iphones on vibrate. I actually keep my phone on silent, unless i absolutely have a call I can't miss. She knows no texting after bedtime and she's pretty good about it.

I'm probably worse about than she is, especially when I'll ocassionally text her during the day when I know she's in class.

[jamesinboots.livejournal.com]

Not answering the poll since I'm not a mom, but my family (including my three siblings) heavily used cell phones. We got rid of landlines when my youngest sibling was about 10, so she got her mobile phone at that age.

We never really had problems, but my mom never would have taken phones away since we had no landline. And other than that, I don't think she would have liked the idea of using it as punishment. She liked the idea of us always being accessible via phone more!

Granted, here's the reason my family had no rules on cell phones:
1) We didn't do regular family things, like dinner. We ate together as a family maybe once every few months, usually only when a grandparent visited.
2) My mom is the one who can't behave with a cell phone. I've watched her answer her phone in the middle of a theater. And in church. None of us kids developed those habits though. :D

[spn-j2fan.livejournal.com]

I have three teens, 14, 16 and 18, so the rules vary. And of course, personalities vary. :)

My oldest is the brainiac who can't be bothered more than to return the simplest of texts, so...no issues there! :) My daughter, the social butterfly, is still such a pleaser that it would hurt her more than me to interrupt dinner or a movie with her phone, so again...no issues there.

Ugghhh...the 14-year-old! He already thinks he should have a girlfriend! Even his older brother thinks he is too young, but the 14-year-old thinks he's ready!!! :) This is the only one I've had to set limits with, and I only set them because I fear he might stay up all night otherwise. I figure he's off to college in a few years, so I try not to be crazy. I just ask him to turn it off at midnight. No internet on his phone though. God knows what he would do with that! :) Maybe in a few years...

[ms-nerd.livejournal.com]

I agree on the no texting during meals and to turn the damn ringer off. Maybe a no phone at the table/where you're eating rule? I'm incredibly strict already about what goes on but who knows what kind of teenager Nathaniel will be and how much I'll care by then? By the time Nathaniel is a teenager they'll have some sort of brain implant or something that I'm totally worried about.

sidebar - I had a friend under 30 stay with me for a weekend and I had to barge in the guestroom and tell her to turn her phone off because it was keeping me awake. I don't think they hear it anymore really because it just goes off all the time.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

I answered for ME! As if I was my parents, kind of. (Because I'm on their plan.)

Basically, if I use an insane amount of data (not on our plan) or text like crazy (and use up all of our allowed texts) then I get an earful when my dad gets the bill and if it's legit use (like my texting went up when I was producing films, because that was the easiest way to get directions to people and that sort of thing) then we'd look into changing the plan or getting an add on or something to make it more sensibly affordable.

If, however, it's just me messing around or downloading a game or otherwise not actually using it for anything actually necessary to my education and/or safety, then it's expected I pay for the cost out of my own pocket. (Including, I imagine, if we added a data plan just for me - I'd be responsible for my share of the bill above and beyond what was considered 'normal' phone use.) Had I had a cell phone when I was a teenager (which I would have) then the rules would probably have been roughly similar.

(I don't know if they would've grounded me or not - grounding didn't really work very well on me in general.)

As far as phone off/on times - I rarely actually turn my phone off (as in powered off) but college got me into the habit of putting it on silent for classes, so that's what I do for meals/events/whatever unless there's some Really Critical Reason why I need to know someone is trying to get in touch with me, at which point I put it on vibrate and keep it in a pocket. (Really Critical Reason = someone is in the hospital, someone is traveling and might need me to come pick them up, that kind of thing.) With it on silent, you then have the option of glancing at it at appropriate times (when there's a natural gap in what's going on) and you can see easily if you've missed anything that needs to be responded to promptly, or if it's something that can wait.)

(Example would be - if I'm out with friends and I see my mom has tried calling me, I'll usually excuse myself from the table and find a quiet corner by the toilets or something and call her back, because otherwise my mom works herself into a tizzy. My mother is ridiculous.)

I do use my phone as an alarm clock, so frequently at night I don't put it on silent, but a) I don't expect to get a lot of calls/texts at night and b) if I'm sharing space with someone, I do turn the volume down so it won't bother them in the next room or whatever.

All of that said - I do think, as annoying as the battles are now, teaching him manners with the darn thing is going to be good for him in the long run. It sets a REALLY BAD impression when someone is constantly messing with their phone or talking or texting in class, in a meeting, etc. REALLY BAD. Even amongst my college classmates, who are all in that generation where everything has to be send to facebook or twitter, it was like 'dude, seriously, show some respect.'

Also - no texting while driving in the car ever. EVER. Heck, PA has a law now that you can't use a phone at all without hands-free. (Even with hands-free, I keep in-car calls short and will cut one off without hesitation if I decide I need to pay attention to the traffic more than I am. Driving on a relatively empty highway is one thing, coming up on a merge point with cars coming in from both sides is totally different, you know?)

I don't even really like it when people in the car with me are having long phone calls or text conversations because I find it annoyingly distracting. (Unless the phone is on silent so it's not beeping every damn time they get a text.)

[turps33.livejournal.com]

While Corey does have a phone I didn't reply to the poll as he never uses it. 99% of the time it's sitting uncharged in his bedroom. He's not a phone person at all.

[pensnest]

My son doesn't take a lot of notice of his phone. Texting is the best way to get my daughter's attention, but it's an occasional thing for her, not a way of life. I think perhaps they both inherited my basic dislike of telephones.

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

She has a pay-as-you-go phones that she don't use very much -- it's mostly for "pick me up at 4:30"-type calls. Most of her e-socializing is on the Internet, not by phone. Texting is rare.

Her older sister is like that, too -- it's a family-habit thing, as much as anything else. We all read actual books quite a lot, too.

[starweather.livejournal.com]

My brother (16) and I (20) both have phones and have had them since we were about 13. My parents have never really had to enforce strict rules about phone usage because we're both pretty good with our phones - we have $49 plans and we're expected to stay within those boundaries, and we pay any excess. Once my brother ran over his by about $200 because he had a secret girlfriend, and my parents just shrugged and made him pay all the excess. Considering that he doesn't have any form of income other than allowance, so he's never done it again =) The only reason I would run over mine because marksofbattle and I are likely to have impromptu marathon ficcing sessions over text message. But my parents are pretty lenient.

They've never taken the phones off us because of our very separate lifestyles. I'm usually either at work or uni or out with friends, and Brandon has school and basketball, and Mom works, and Dad's kind of the rock of Gibraltar, so we all need to be able to stay in contact with each other. Plus, everyone except Mom uses their phones as alarm clocks as well.

We don't really have problems with the traditional usage of phones, per se, like texting and talking. Neither B or I are big talkers over the phone, and we've never been the sort of teens to giggle over the phone with someone for hours on end. If we need to make phone calls we usually do it from the landline. We have more problems with using it for music and things. B's prone to sitting at the dinner table with his headphones in, and my parents have a big issue with that. And if we have company over, my parents would rather that we shut ourselves up in our rooms than sit around in the shared area playing on our phones.

But yeah, it's never really been an issue. Getting calls or making calls past midnight is a big no-no in my family, not even because my parents don't like it, but neither B or I like it, either. It's just annoying and most of the time we're sleeping off four hours of basketball training or an eight hour shift. We all usually have our phones on silent anyway because of our schedules; I don't remember the last time I turned mine off, but it's pretty much always on silent when I'm at uni or at work.

Also we're all iPhone users x_X we got Mom and Dad hooked on them so I don't know, we're kind of on equal standing when it comes to phones. Mom and Dad are equally if not more fascinated by their phones than B and I are, so they can't really say much to us =) We use them for net banking and scheduling and organisation as well, so it's probably pretty crippling to have them taken off us.

UM YEAH. That's really about it.

[passing-through.livejournal.com]

I have two fifteen year old girls and our plan is unlimited talk and texting. I'ts pricey but worth it because we also include my mother on the plan as well (5 phones total). One daughter, K, got her phone about a year ahead of her sister because she was the more social one and asked for it. We didn't have unlimited texting then, but since there were three of us on the plan then we were able to cover her minutes. When we added the other daughter, A, and my mom, then we switched to unlimited.

The girls are really good about not talking at the table, in the movies, the library, anywhere they need to be quiet (it annoys both of them when other people do that) and they don't talk late at night to their friends. (K actually is a morning person so she goes to bed early.) A rarely uses her phone for talking. She's not a phone person and its main use is for us to get ahold of her and vice versa. As far as the texting, I don't mind because it's much quieter than talking. I've had to ask them not to do it at the table a few times and they both complied so that's also not a problem. K has recently discovered skyping, so that's what I'm keeping my eye on now. Not that she does it with her friends, just that she doesn't stay up too late.

They also both text me during the day from school and at first I wasn't happy about that because they're supposed to be learning, not texting me, lol. I have told them that if they get caught with their cell phones out in class when they're not supposed to and it gets taken up, then they're responsible for the $25 fee to get it back. Overall, they're really good about the usage. It seems like (at least to us) that cell phones are such a necessity now that we've made allowances in our lives for the occasional inconvenience they can cause.