!!!!!

[mickeym]

I just want everyone to know that those vicious, horrible rumors about poisontaster being a NICE PERSON??

Totally not true.

*goes back to looking for bleach to scrub my eyes and brain with*

Comments

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Okay, do tell! What's she done??

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Oh, my god, she subjected me to a bit of some book she read today. It's. It's BAD. I'll spare you the whole of it, but here's a...taste. Because misery should be shared. *eg*

Seville looked down the side of the ship from her balcony above. The hot wind off the north coast of Somalia blew her auburn hair into twists and swirls against her forehead and cheeks. The wind didn't just caress her pale, almost alabaster cheeks. It seemed to brush and bruise them with salt and fire. Even so, she leaned into the wind. Seville breathed in deeply and her breasts raised their dark eyes toward the horizon.

Her trim body accented the swell of her breasts. The wind smelled of cinnamon and ginger, something both foreign and familiar. The cruise liner had just passed the Ethiopian coast and the hot hand of the Ethiopian wind blew hints of the Djibouti scents of jasmine, clay jars of acacia oil and jasper incense. All her senses seemed intensified and she lifted her head to feel the full caress of the wind careen off her cheek and down her neck. Her body opened up like a delicate claret that needed to breathe in order to bring out its most robust flavors. Her skin soaked in the scents miles away carried on breezes to the secluded, second level of their ship directly off the fantail.

I bolded the line in particular that made my head feel like it was going to explode *g*

[fufaraw]

This is a *book*? Somebody got *paid* to write this?

I'ma track the publisher down and noogie 'em to freakin death.

[shinycuba.livejournal.com]

Oh this gives me great hope. If *this* is a book, I can totally become an accomplished published writer. Easily!

[zortified.livejournal.com]

Her body opened up like a delicate claret that needed to breathe in order to bring out its most robust flavors.

I like how the author has to explain the simile, because clearly we are all pikeys who would not understand what a claret is or why it needs to be opened up.

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

THIS GOT PUBLISHED?

Pass the bleach, please.

[kitanabychoice.livejournal.com]

Well, now I know I can get published.

[poisontaster]

Okay, it was an EXCERPT I read! Do not impugn my honor by saying I read the whole thing! Though...that excerpt was more than enough.

Also, read the icon, woman!

[nopseud]

Seville breathed in deeply and her breasts raised their dark eyes toward the horizon.

I'm reminded of the Stephen King short story where a guy starts growing alien eyeballs in his fingertips.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! *chokes with laughter* OMG that's absolutely HORRID. I think I used to read romances like that when I was 12.

poisontaster is indeed a naughty naughty woman for subjecting you to that.

[pensnest]

I think what Seville needs is a torrid affair with a lava lamp.

What?

[softbluebuddy.livejournal.com]

Her skin soaked in the scents miles away carried on breezes to the secluded, second level of their ship directly off the fantail.


Okay, riddle me this:

1. Is the entire second level of their ship secluded?
2. Is their ship off the fantail? How can that be?
3. Is the second level of their ship off the fantail?

I'm sorry, but this whole sentence be confusing me. A lot...

What the fuck is she (I assume it is a she who authored this drivel) trying to say?

That perhaps, the room that they share is on the second level of the ship and it is secluded and located back near the fantail, and that is where she was standing as she smelled the scents from so far away that carried on the breezes to where she stood.

Could that be what this person was getting at?

Un-friggin-believable.

I second everyone who commented before me. If this could be published, then why would I ever think that I didn't measure up?

poisontaster is clever indeed to get you to read this excerpt. Funny.

Now, excuse me please, I also have to wash my eyes out with bleach.

[morgandawn.livejournal.com]

for me it was the glow in the dark penis and the apple harvest-sex analogy.

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

because lava lamps make everything better.

\o/

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

But but....

If it is secluded, how was it carried on the breezes?

[meinnim.livejournal.com]

OMG, it's badfic in published form!