we've seen the bad, now show me the good

[mickeym]

I'm copying this from zillahseye, because it just sounds like a very awesome idea. She said:

I've been in fandom since 1997. That's twelve long, long years, damn near an Ice Age for anything related to the internet. People who weren't WALKING AT THAT POINT are allowed legally to make LJs now. It's been exciting and awesome and cool and nerve-wracking and heartbreaking and fun. There've been times I wanted to crawl in a hole and pull it behind me and times I wanted to crow out how proud I was to be here. I've met wonderful people and had adventures and shared the most important events of my life.

In light of recent "were you raised by WOLVES???" moments in which the fannish social contract of privacy, courtesy, decency, and respect was broken, it makes me appreciate all the more those of you who AREN'T douchebags. Who are in fact awesome. Sup, cool people?

In the comments to this post, if you like, leave a recollection of something great someone did for you in fandom, and I'll reply with my own. Let's remember why we're a family.

I've been in fandom a little longer than Nic -- since 1996 -- but her experiences are pretty much mine; her reactions to and about fandom are pretty much mine.

Some of the dearest people in my life are fans I may never get a chance to meet in person, but I love them just the same. So. In comments, if you'd like, leave a recollection/memory of something great someone did for you in fandom, and I'll reply with my own.

Comments

[lazy-daze.livejournal.com]

It makes me sad when people say 'FANDOM SUCKS' or 'I HATE FANDOM' because fandom is AWESOME!! It is just one or two fucked-up cunty weirdos who suck so hard!! :( :(

Um, one of the best things that's come out of fandom for me is randomly finding out that balefully and I were both in the same dorms at UCL. We didn't know each other from Adam, never met on or offline before, but because we were both in fandom, we were like LOLZ HI LET'S MEET UP! and did mere minutes after meeting online, and, quite clearly four years later, we hit it off. And it was that awesome instant bond that being In Fandom gives you that made it so brilliant straightaway. Which is more like an awesome thing Fandom as a concept has done for me than a specific person, but you know. YAY FANDOM. *_*

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

There are aspects of fandom that suck -- but that's because fandom is made up of people, and there are vast portions of the public that suck *g*

One of the nicest things fandom has ever done for me was after my ex-husband left me (and stopped sending money). People took up a collection for me to help me pay my bills one month. Most of the people were folks I didn't know, or didn't know that well, and thinking about it even now, some three and a half years later, it still makes my chest feel all tight and achy.

[cloex-brosluvr.livejournal.com]

Um..I came across this viewing a friends flist so I hope you don't mind me jumping in (I think this is just what we need, now.).

When I first came onto LJ, I had a basic account [6 userpics for christsakes] and anteka liked some icons that I had done and was going to get me more userpics so I could 'show them off' but she couldn't do that (since I was basic) so she bought me 6 months of paid LJ. And I thought 'WOW' someone who I don't know would just do that for me, blew me away.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I don't mind at all! I posted this so people could comment in it :)

I came on with a basic account, too, and a couple years ago a very dear friend, synecdochic, gave me a permanent account as a birthday/Christmas gift.

[eyesfullofhope.livejournal.com]

I think this is a great idea in light of recent events.

I've been on LJ since '99 and I've made some incredible friends. I've gotten wedding presents, gifts for G when he was born and someone even bought me a permanent account. While I really appreciate those things nothing compares to the constant support and love I feel from everyone on my flist.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

It's the love and support that really make it a community, and not just a random...gathering. I fought LJ at first, but it's so much more to me than 'just fandom' (as when I was doing the message boards and email lists). And I think of all the things that fandom has supported me through...and it makes me humble, you know?

[rivers-bend.livejournal.com]

Just right before I saw this post, I got off the phone with an old friend I re-connected with via LJ, and was able to offer her something she desperately needs and posted about on her journal. It wasn't fandom specific, because she is not in fandom, but I totally felt like the ways we can connect via this crazy place do really make a difference.

As far as fandom goes, there are too many things for me to pick a specific one, but the connections I have made here prevented me from collapsing into a void. And when I can sit here and say, in all genuineness, that I really like the person I am, it's the people in fandom who helped show me the way to get here.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

One of my greatest memories of something being done for me by someone in fandom...my friend nopseud and her husband bought me a plane ticket to visit them--in England. That was the greatest summer of my life.

Fans...fannish friends...are the awesomest people :)

[visionshadows.livejournal.com]

I think this is great. I'm a huge lover of fandom despite its faults and can't imagine not at least being on the periphery.

I think the best thing fandom has ever done is bring me two of my best friends, dayse and fayemeadows. Just having the two of them in my life everyday brings me happiness. I suppose I have to thank Lois Lane in the end even though I can't stand that girl. Without her, I never would have spent so much time online with Dayse in the beginning and I never would have met Chrissy in person. So despite her general awfulness, those are probably the nicest thing anyone in fandom has ever done for me. Even if she wasn't trying and was hoping to use me as a place to jump to after she burned Chrissy and her mom.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

YOU are one of the greatest things fandom has ever done for me :) I will never, ever forget you just coming down here when I needed someone. Interrupting your life to hang with me and Matthew while I tried to get my shit together, and we'd never even talked on the phone beforehand.

*hugs you*

[visionshadows.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I would do it again in a heartbeat too. You needed someone and I was happy to just be there. And stand on ladders for you. :)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I have a curtain rod needs replacing (or actually, the bracket it hangs on), if you wanna come stand on one again? *g*

(I'm actually going to have Matthew do it -- would you believe he's 5'8" now??? -- but as I'll have to talk him through the replacing-the-bracket part, I'm waiting until both of us have nothing else to do *g*)

[visionshadows.livejournal.com]

5'8"! He's the same height as my husband now. *boggles*

[arabella-hope.livejournal.com]

There have been SOOO many good things, but two that pop into my head are:

1) I moved up north and fell severely ill due to climate change and an amazing flister (and friend, the first person I met in real life through the internet) sent me a humidifier as a surprise. It was not only touching and surprising, but I seriously DID feel better afterwards.

2) When my Nanny was ill and I was taking care of her, I had SOOOO much support, every single DAY, from my entire flist. People read when I discussed how I was feeling, shared their own experiences, assured me that I COULD handle the situation, no matter how bleak it seemed. Some gifted me with fic or picspams (which seems very trivial, but these things made my days a little brighter) and I wil never EVER forget the strength I gained from their kindness.

In short: I LOVE my flist! (and you for doing this!)

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

When I was in popslash fandom, JC Chasez (of Nsync) did a solo tour of his own stuff. A very wonderful couple of friends got together and bought me a ticket to his show in Chicago, and pitched in for hotel and gas so that I could go.

I've had unending support through the death of both my grandmothers, my sister's serious illness post-childbirth, my divorce, and other ups and downs. I am beyond grateful for the good in my life, thanks to these wonderful people.

*hugs*

[arabella-hope.livejournal.com]

HEEE. I love that you explained who JC was to me, lol. :D

If only I knew what fandom was, man. I would have had SUCH fun with you back then. I was obsessed with Nsync (and, oddly enough - or not - Chris Kane as Lindsey). I even wrote this INSANE Mary Sue insane asylum Orlando fic. OH MAN. Like. Longhand, on the intercoastal, whilst skipping college classes.

Sadly, my approach to fic writing has changed little over the years.

[raine-wynd.livejournal.com]

unmisha offered me a home when I most needed one, and proceeded to hook me up with two other fanfic writers -- Lori J and Lucy Hale -- and the four of us shared a house in Seattle for the better part of two years. I literally would not be living where I am -- and would have never met my husband -- if I hadn't said yes to her offer eight years ago.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I've had fellow fans offer me sleeping space if I needed it, and friends who surprise gifted me with gift certificates to Amazon, or packages I wasn't expecting, or just a little note in the mail saying "hi, I was thinking of you". My world is a much happier one for my fannish friends :)

[raine-wynd.livejournal.com]

Definitely! Go fandom! :-)

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

someone (who will kick my ass if I publicly acknowledge her) sent me flowers while I was waiting out the path report on a biopsy. Somebody else sent me an amazon gift certificate during one of my (many) layoff sagas. I could go on, but you get the drift.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I do get the drift :) And I remember a very lovely woman *smiles at you* who made sure my son had a halloween costume in 2005, when his dad couldn't be bothered.

*hugs you*

[ms-nerd.livejournal.com]

I've been around since 1996/1997 and I have met SO MANY wonderful people online who have done good things for me. From sending "hugs" e-mails to making sure I got a copy of a TV show back when we had to mail tapes to each other to sending me flowers on my wedding day. There are a few that I have exchanged Christmas presents with for nearly a decade and others who I have put up at my house for weeks because they needed a place to stay - I did this without hesitation because I choose to see the good in people - and I have never been burned.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I've been burned, but the good definitely outweighs the bad. I think back to that first horrible, awful month after Doug told me he wanted a divorce, and then just disappeared, and all the support I got -- from you, from so many others. Virtual hugs and emails, phone calls and so on.

[ms-nerd.livejournal.com]

That was such a bad time for you. I don't think any of us could have stood by and let you go through that pain alone.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I don't think any of us could have stood by and let you go through that pain alone.

I actually had a couple of people who I thought were good, solid, close friends...turn their backs on me and bow out of my life. But, y'know, maybe that was for the best, though it sure didn't feel like it at the time.

*hugs you tight* It's hard to believe it's been more than three years since that time. My life is SO DIFFERENT, in so many ways, but so much the same, too, in that I have wonderful friends :)

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

I've been in fandom since 1997, too, and the list of things people have done for me is endless.

I'd have to say that CFTC 2004 tops the list, because that's when my mom died. Dad wanted the girls and I to finish our weekend in Miami, and I was absolutely surrounded by love the whole weekend. People I'd only met online up until that point were kind and supportive and non-judgmental and it was awesome.

[abx-journal.livejournal.com]

I tend to stay pretty quiet, but have made some awesome friends on LJ. I'm a new writer and they have supported me and held my hand as I attempt to write in this fandom. Everyone that I've talked to has been friendly and supportive.

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

a comment from an RL recently, as I was talking about travelling to Sydney to meet up with some fen for a weekend of shanigans when J2 are in town. And he said "fandom has really enriched your life, hasn't it?" and of course the answer is yes, and it was also nice to hear from someone outside fandom.

[bloodquartz.livejournal.com]

an excellent idea - i'm saddened by the fact that fandom has become something to wince at so often lately.
fandom has brought me so many friends - friends who have offered me ears and hands on personal matters; who have shared fun and laughter and encouraged me or even just shared random sily emails or posts that make me smile. We've laughed together, squee'd together and cried together and enjoyed discussions and considered different points of view. Fandom & lj has been my safe and happy place - personally? I have trouble with anxiety quite badly and at my lowest points could not leave the house; having my f-list and the friends on it at that point was honestly the only human contact I could stand at that point - and slowly it was enough to persuade me that there were people out there who could be trusted, who would and could help and just - they gave me the help I needed at that point to get the help that I needed if that makes sense. It was everything to me and I don't know where i'd be without them.

[thehighwaywoman.livejournal.com]

Though I have only been around these parts for about a year and a half, fandom has changed my life for the better. I've met people who I've connected with, and I don't make friends easily in RL. Folks I can talk to and whose company I enjoy. Who were there for me when I was grieving, and rejoiced with me when I celebrated. Who are wonderful writers that blow me away with their talent, and who have helped me learn to be a better writer.

And then, there is you, whom I adore. Pink Elvii, honey.

[leighm.livejournal.com]

I got YOU.

Also, I've met so many people in the last 4 years who are some of the most amazing and sweetest and I wouldn't let them go for all the money in the world. I love that I have crazy interests in common with so many around here.

♥

[call-me-loca.livejournal.com]

OH MAN.

I'd have to say my entire flist has been important to me since I stumbled upon them back in 2004. Between the Lupus and now this horrid custody battle I'm not sure my sanity could've lasted.

And a wise woman once called me strong...

[enablelove.livejournal.com]

Found this through Ang, and I don't know you, but this is an AMAZING idea!

Through fandom I found some amazing people who make me feel loved and important and cherished. They cheer me up when I'm down, stroke my ego, provide me fun things, and generally make me happy!

[geneli4.livejournal.com]

the support of my flist when my mom died made the hardest thing ever just a little bit easier, and that little bit helped me in so many ways.

[nebt-het.livejournal.com]

Someone helped me move apartments when she knew no one else in my family was going to help me.

[runedgirl.livejournal.com]

Fandom friends are amazing -- I've had people deluge me with birthday and holiday cards, offer their comfy guest beds and chauffeur me around when I've been on one of my fandomish treks, surprise me with Starbucks when I least expect it, cheer me up when I need it and share my squee when I don't -- and fandom brought me Kat, and all of you on my oh-so-awesome Flist. I'm so grateful :)
*hugs fandom*

[annella.livejournal.com]

Two of my closest friends EVER are people I met on LJ a couple of years ago. I met one of them in person about two years ago, and the other 6 months later. I've never felt such an instant connection with someone, ever. We all got together and pretty much spent 5 days talking nonstop about every single thing EVER, and it was the most amazing 5 days I can ever recall having.

People buy me paid accounts, anon people so I don't know who to thank. Someone once upgraded my photobucket. When I was feeling so depressed last year that all I could do was lie in bed and cry, my friends were there for me and brought me up again. I have NO idea where I would be without fandom but I don't like to think about it.

[fourfreedoms.livejournal.com]

When I was in my accident in November 2007 and basically in dealing with all of the ramifications thereof my flist has been there even when the people I knew in real life were having trouble looking at me. ;p Now, maybe that's because they couldn't see me, but I also like to think it's because the good 'uns on LJ know how to look past exteriors.

[verabell.livejournal.com]

What a lovely post :)

Fandom brought me *you*. And that is AWESOME!

[destina.livejournal.com]

Wow, dude, where would I even start?? I mean, I can point to specific examples, like - After my mom died, people in fandom rallied around me even more tightly than people in my daily life did - total strangers pitched in on a gift in her name, and someone who barely knew me organized the whole effort. I've never been so touched in my whole life. But I think it's so much more than the specific examples, you know? Over the years, people I haven't ever met, and people I've only met because of fandom, have given me the gift of their time, their attention, their hugs, their comforting words, their wise advice, their tokens of kindness, their empathy, their beautiful stories, their surprises (OMG, birthday community full of stories!), their expressions of sadness, and so much more. And fandom has also given me the opportunity to send gifts of comfort to others, to cheer someone up when they need it, to pitch in a few bucks to send help to someone who is hurting, to know and understand the viewpoints of others. Fandom has brought me some tough lessons and some lifelong friends. So people will have to forgive me for saying that as screwed up as fandom culture and those few whackjob fans can be sometimes, I love fandom and all the wonderful things it has given me.

[ex-rosegany.livejournal.com]

Well, I do know this person who just gifted me with a tiara, which was pretty awesome. So there's that ;)

My whole experience with fandom has been amazing; I have very few complaints. I try to avoid the wank, and mostly manage that as a success, and while I'm not as active as I used to be or would like to be, I love my friends to pieces and love that we have a fandom that, for the most part, is full of amazing, smart, creative, loving people, and that we're FANS of a show with such people working on it too! Sometimes I just stop and marvel and think, "Wow. Does anyone else have anything like this?" We're pretty lucky, I think.

Fandom has encouraged my writing, inspired my academic research...It's in fact changed how I look at teaching and analyzing media. There's so much we have to offer each other..

I've learned through friends and fan fic authors I may never even talk to things about my kinks, my desires, that I never knew before. Fandom has given me a space where people don't judge but encourage, hell, *delight* in sharing porn with you! Didn't really have that experience before...

I can't isolate particular moments, but I know that the kindness and understanding people have shown when I post ranty, Sammy-emo things means a lot, especially when you get folks who you don't know as well as others, perhaps, offering you their emails and numbers if you need to talk, and they genuinely *mean* it. And that means something to me.

And sparkly tiaras and reading of my fic even when it potentially squicks you. And guh, seriously, your being the author of my all-time fave, no-fail porn fix fics = that's something good fandom has done for me ;)

[tenaciousmetoo.livejournal.com]

Here prompted by apetslife, and I'm glad she gave me the excuse to finally come say hello as well as thank you for doing this. I meant to find you at the last WinCon, but our paths never crossed. Just know that you and what you do for fandom is appreciated by many; this is a lovely example.

Per your actual post...well, some of my closest and dearest friends are in my life because of fandom, and I'll always be grateful for that.

As for a recollection, WinCon is generally on or near my birthday. This year, I arranged for a small group to go out to dinner on the actual date, planning to pick up the tab. They wouldn't hear of it. Arrangements were made for taxi service so I could have a drink (I had planned to drive some of us to the restaurant), and I was swooped up and well-fed and in the very best company. Their generosity and kindness was so amazing, and made me feel so special. Truly one of my best birthdays ever.

[copracat]

What a lovely idea!

I have been in fandom since 1996 and other fans have been generous with time and resources so very often. Other fans have given me web space, an lj invite code, icons :) and their beta skills. They've sent me shows by mail and online. Fans have been been supportive when I was down and shared my happiness.

You've given me your good company.