Is it just me who finds this creepy?

[mickeym]

In Pursuit of Teen Purity

The pictures are bad enough -- the one at the top of the article has (presumably) two fathers and two daughters, and one "couple" are in what seriously looks like a couple-y pose. *shudder*

The whole thing is creepy, in my opinion, but this passage from the article just creeps me the fuck out (bolding is mine):

When Kylie was 13, her parents took her on a hike in Lake Tahoe, Calif. "We discussed what it means to be a teenager in today's world," she says. They gave her a charm for her bracelet--a lock in the shape of a heart. Her father has the key. "On my wedding day, he'll give it to my husband," she explains. "It's a symbol of my father giving up the covering of my heart, protecting me, since it means my husband is now the protector. He becomes like the shield to my heart, to love me as I'm supposed to be loved."

In theory, I get the idea behind the Purity Balls. But why isn't anyone addressing this with boys, too? Why isn't anyone getting all the kids together and saying "hey, you know what? You don't have to have sex, or (whatever, fill in the blank). Just be kids, have a good time growing up."

Honestly, I think the whole focus on 'purity' is more than a little weird (and not a little Victorian. Or, y'know, medieval.). If people want their daughters to be pure, well. Let's get rid of "french maid" halloween costumes for *children*. Or crop tops. Or shorts, etc., that have words written across the butt, or the other myriad of girls' fashions that seem determined to flaunt and exploit children and teens' sexuality.

And for God's sake, include the boys, too!

Comments

[zortified.livejournal.com]

The article` says that purity events for boys are in existence and 'growing in number.' I also found that as much emphasis was placed on the fathers being good role models and providing their daughters with guidance, as it is about 'making girls be demure virgins owned by their fathers.'

I think a lot of what's behind this is good - the idea that parents should promote the idea of sex being not a casual thing for kids to engage in, but something that's a big deal that should wait until they're older. Whatever your views on sex being important or ok for casual flings, and whether porn is good or bad, I think "sex" is something that people should put off until they're old enough to deal with it, which most teens aren't.

Like anything, it can be viewed or taken to bad extremes, but the idea that fathers should take responsibility for raising their daughters through the teenage years and accepting that sex issues are a part of that is a good thing.

But having a father keep the lock on his daughter's heart.. yeah, a little creepy. ;-)

[taselby.livejournal.com]

that parents should promote the idea of sex being not a casual thing for kids to engage in, but something that's a big deal that should wait until they're older.

I'm of two minds about this. I think part of the problem is that sex *is* held up as this Big Special Gateway to Adulthood. I do think kids should wait, but in the meantime I think we need to demystify sex. It's not that big a deal, almost everybody does it eventually, and the first few times are usually *bad.* Pull the soft-focus romance filters off of it.

Plus, I really think that girls especially need to be actively taught that sex and *love* are not equivalent. Boys seem to figure this out early, but girls have more trouble untangling it.

But more (non-creepy) parental involvement is good, I agree. Though I don't want my kids to be "demure" anythings *g*.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

I think part of the problem is that sex *is* held up as this Big Special Gateway to Adulthood.

Sex, drinking, and driving. Interesting, yeah? These are the things that are dangled in front of kids as incentives/rewards. "This is what you get to do as soon as you're ________yrs old."

I think it would't be a bad idea to demystify ALL of those. Particularly since kids seem to combine all three of them and then we end up with some really big messes.

I know for me? I wish someone had taught me that sex and love aren't the same. It's one of the issues I'm still struggling with, today.

[taselby.livejournal.com]

Word to that! I keep waiting to feel like an adult. I've got all the obvious trappings of adulthood, but I still feel like someone is going to call me out as poser and send me back to the kids' table.

And oh, yeah, the untangling of sex and love. I'm working on that one, too. And trying to armor my kids against some of my bigger mistakes.

[zortified.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah - sex and love are not the same, and more teenagers need *love* and less sex. Here in Sacramento, girls age 16 (and I think, younger) advertise their prostitution services - and they had a news segment where they talked to one and she said how it made her feel special and loved.

Not to mention the girls who get or want to get pregnant so they can be loved by the baby.

[taselby.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, and it doesn't help to untangle love and sex when most people use euphemisms like "make love." Granted, my TV and movie viewing is limited, but what I see is a lot of cautionary horror (sex is EBIL ZOMG!) and soft-focus romance (my Prince will come and love me forEVer) but not a lot of practical realism or good advice for teens. And certainly not enough parents are themselves educated or involved enough.

I find it interesting that my oldest daughter, who was 5 and 6 when her siblings were born is the one of my kids most emphatically clear on NOT wanting kids of her own. Hell, maybe they should start including a little child psych with the sex ed. Most kids don't even recognize that their parents are actual people until about age 8.

Again, I'm full of love for Mim's high school. The family life class assigns kids those 7 lb baby dolls that cry loudly at random intervals and have to be "comforted." It's definitely a reality check.

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Like I said, in theory, I get it, and I don't object to the idea of kids staying "pure" (or whatever). It's the tone, the whole possessive ownership thing that comes through and makes me want to back away with my hands up to protect myself.