I don't even know
Apr. 8th, 2026 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mickeymIt hurts to feel this angry and this bitter, so much of the time.
Two days ago, or maybe three or four, I don't know for sure. They all run together, after a while. Anyway. I was having trouble pushing away the trunk I use as a makeshift stool (my chair is a recliner, but the recliner broke and Madisyn killed my warranty by taking a hammer to it). Sometimes when it's humid and the windows are open, it becomes harder to push the truck away from me.
So I asked Matthew if he could help me with the stool. Pull it out so I could stand up and do whatever it was I was going to do. Well, he said, "you can do it yourself. You just have to try harder." I was already in a pissy mood, and I snapped. I don't remember what I said, but it conveyed my pissy mood. Something to the effect of how could he just sit there and watch me struggle and NOT offer help. I have to pull my leg all the way up to my body in order to get enough leverage to push it away from me -- and if it's humid, it's extremely difficult.
And Donnie, in my kitchen making a mess, as always, turns toward me and Matthew and says, "He didn't answer you {however whatever}, and Matthew, you're her son, not her caretaker. You don't have to do anything for her.
My very first internal reaction to that was WTELF??!
I then told her as nicely as I could manage that I wasn't interested in her opinion, and she could keep it to herself. I told Matthew much the same. I finally was able to get up, and went into the bathroom (my "room") and stayed there for a little while, just shaking with anger.
Later, when talking with Matthew about it (without Donnie, tyvm), I asked him what, exactly, he thought I was asking for him to do, to "be my caregiver". I said, you don't wipe my ass for me; you don't do any of my hygiene care; you don't bathe me or feed me or do my meds. Occasionally, I need help getting the stool out to get up, and I do ask him to push the stool in for me, because I can't always get it pulled all the way in. He puts my laundry into the washer, and then into the dryer. I fold it, and put it away. I cook for us. I wash our dishes -- he usually dries and puts away. What, exactly, is he giving me that falls into any category other than "one human helping another one out". Donnie, I should mention, will run Megan ragged fetching this or that or the other, especially while cooking. Megan puts Donnie's shoes and socks on her. Fetches clothing. Or Donnie's purse. She gets water with ice, constantly. I mean, if we're going tit-for-tat, maybe Donnie should look at her own domestic relationship -- and keep her nose out of mine.
They're out of town right now. On vacation (though they can't afford to pay any of the bills here). They're down in Gatlinburg TN, and Super!Suzy has paid for them to be there. They're not going to have any income for the week they're gone, and they've run through a good chunk of what got set aside for moving. Matthew and I have decided that we're going to tell them they have until May 1st to move, or they'll have to start paying something. And it's nothing to do with whether or not we have the money to pay all the bills. We almost do. As long as nothing happens. But it has to do with, god, living in someone's house for 16 months, and having paid about $1000. Total. In 16 months. That's roughly $62.50/mo.
Augh. I'm sorry. That was major word!vomit, and I just came over here to vent a little bit about one thing.
I think I'm going to watch some ER, and then go to bed.
X-posted to Livejournal and Dreamwidth. Read/comment where you choose.
Two days ago, or maybe three or four, I don't know for sure. They all run together, after a while. Anyway. I was having trouble pushing away the trunk I use as a makeshift stool (my chair is a recliner, but the recliner broke and Madisyn killed my warranty by taking a hammer to it). Sometimes when it's humid and the windows are open, it becomes harder to push the truck away from me.
So I asked Matthew if he could help me with the stool. Pull it out so I could stand up and do whatever it was I was going to do. Well, he said, "you can do it yourself. You just have to try harder." I was already in a pissy mood, and I snapped. I don't remember what I said, but it conveyed my pissy mood. Something to the effect of how could he just sit there and watch me struggle and NOT offer help. I have to pull my leg all the way up to my body in order to get enough leverage to push it away from me -- and if it's humid, it's extremely difficult.
And Donnie, in my kitchen making a mess, as always, turns toward me and Matthew and says, "He didn't answer you {however whatever}, and Matthew, you're her son, not her caretaker. You don't have to do anything for her.
My very first internal reaction to that was WTELF??!
I then told her as nicely as I could manage that I wasn't interested in her opinion, and she could keep it to herself. I told Matthew much the same. I finally was able to get up, and went into the bathroom (my "room") and stayed there for a little while, just shaking with anger.
Later, when talking with Matthew about it (without Donnie, tyvm), I asked him what, exactly, he thought I was asking for him to do, to "be my caregiver". I said, you don't wipe my ass for me; you don't do any of my hygiene care; you don't bathe me or feed me or do my meds. Occasionally, I need help getting the stool out to get up, and I do ask him to push the stool in for me, because I can't always get it pulled all the way in. He puts my laundry into the washer, and then into the dryer. I fold it, and put it away. I cook for us. I wash our dishes -- he usually dries and puts away. What, exactly, is he giving me that falls into any category other than "one human helping another one out". Donnie, I should mention, will run Megan ragged fetching this or that or the other, especially while cooking. Megan puts Donnie's shoes and socks on her. Fetches clothing. Or Donnie's purse. She gets water with ice, constantly. I mean, if we're going tit-for-tat, maybe Donnie should look at her own domestic relationship -- and keep her nose out of mine.
They're out of town right now. On vacation (though they can't afford to pay any of the bills here). They're down in Gatlinburg TN, and Super!Suzy has paid for them to be there. They're not going to have any income for the week they're gone, and they've run through a good chunk of what got set aside for moving. Matthew and I have decided that we're going to tell them they have until May 1st to move, or they'll have to start paying something. And it's nothing to do with whether or not we have the money to pay all the bills. We almost do. As long as nothing happens. But it has to do with, god, living in someone's house for 16 months, and having paid about $1000. Total. In 16 months. That's roughly $62.50/mo.
Augh. I'm sorry. That was major word!vomit, and I just came over here to vent a little bit about one thing.
I think I'm going to watch some ER, and then go to bed.
X-posted to Livejournal and Dreamwidth. Read/comment where you choose.
