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tales from the kid-side of life
Friday night found Matthew and I watching a movie, and dinking around online, as we do. He was chatting with a friend through Myspace (or maybe FB, I dunno), and I was mostly ignoring him, as I do, because it's usually safer that way. For my sanity, that is.
Anyway, he says to me, "how do you spell 'finger'?" -- and this is common enough, him asking me how to spell something or other while he's doing a chat. So I spelled it for him and went back to what I was doing...and a few minutes later he says, "how do you spell 'penetration'?" And I started to spell it, then looked up at him and said "what the hell are you chatting about?" He gets this grin on his face, and I said, "Never mind, I really don't want to know," and finished spelling the word for him. He finishes typing it out, then says, "my friend Chris had some questions about sex."
Oy VEY. I said, "he couldn't ask his parents?" Matthew says no, he doesn't feel comfortable with that. *headdesk* Then he says to me, "how come most of my friends are like that, and I'm not? I can ask you anything." I told him I'm the exception to the rule with regards to that -- unfortunately. But I guess yay Chris feels he can ask Matthew, and I know Matthew's information is right. Right? *facepalm*
So later Friday night (it was a busy night, convo-wise, in our house) Matthew says, out of the blue, "Mallory's birthday is at the end of August." (Mallory being his girlfriend, and long-lasting crush of about three years, now.) So I said, "okay? That's good. And?"
"And," he says, "I'm going to get her a promise ring for her birthday."
O_O
I gaped at him for a minute or ten, then asked him if he knows what a promise ring IS -- and was kind of floored when he did, more-or-less -- and then said no way in hell is he giving a 15yr old girl ("she'll be sixteen on her birthday, mom," -- okay, that doesn't help) a promise ring when HE'S ONLY 15 HIMSELF. Plus, a sophomore in high school. Plus, no job for money to buy said ring, and they've only been "dating" (i.e., hold hands in the hall and sit together at lunch) for a couple of months, and OH YEAH, HER MOM DOESN'T LIKE HIM AND WON'T EVEN ALLOW THEM TO TALK ON THE PHONE OR TEXT.
I didn't shout any of that AT him, but it was a close thing.
Seriously, though, for reasons unknown (to us, at least), Mallory's mom apparently doesn't like Matthew. He says she was a substitute teacher a couple of times for his class when he was in middle school. I told him that if he's ever going to have a real relationship of any sort with Mallory -- never mind giving her a freakin' promise ring! -- he's going to have to start with meeting with her mom and finding out what it is that's the issue here.
Then he says to me, "well, she could just not show her mom the ring."
*facepalm and headdesk TO ETERNITY*
Not an option, says me, and the subject is closed for further discussion until he's at least talked to Mallory's mom/parents. After that, then we'll take things one step at a time.
Jesus.
And on top of all of that, Matthew came upstairs a little while ago and told me his dad called, and Doug's apparently planning ('might') go to Nashville this coming holiday weekend, to visit his brother; if he does, he's planning ('might') to spend a day with Matthew. I asked when, and Matthew says, "this coming weekend, mom, I just told you that." I said do we know which DAY of this coming weekend? No, he says, because dad doesn't know for sure if he's going yet.
On the one hand, I'm all in favor of Doug visiting Matthew whenever possible (we're holding steady at one time/year so far) and doing it here, in Matthew's environment is a definite bonus. But, geez. Guess it's a good thing I didn't have any plans to be anywhere, isn't it?
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Mine's five now and I will be a single mother soon and so I worry, as parents tend to do, about the future. It's just nice to know what other parents do and how they face the things that come up.
Too bad they don't come with manual ~ *sigh*
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I am firmly of the belief that if they did, the human race would've died out EONS ago. :/ I also understand why some animals eat their young. (Okay, bad joke, but sometimes you gotta go there, y'know?)
I'm sorry you're about to be thrust into the world of single-parenthood, but honestly? From a parenting perspective, I've found it kind of freeing. I can raise Matthew how I want without having to worry about his dad fostering this or that belief/opinion about it. While technically we have joint custody, Matthew's dad has (by his choice, not mine or Matthew's) more-or-less sat things out when it comes to Matthew. They talk very infrequently on the phone, and in the five years we've been separated/divorced, Matthew's only seen his dad or spent time with him for a total of about eight days. (Which may not be your case at all, I'm just trying to show it's not necessarily a BAD thing.)
Anyway! If you have any questions or thoughts or just need to vent, just PM me or email me (ohmickeym at gmail dot com). I'm happy to listen :)
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I think the ex-to-be plans on being around and that is good for kiddo, harder for me. As it is, we are not always on the same page and I hope the chasm doesn't widen too much. I'm trying to stay positive. *sigh*
Anyway! If you have any questions or thoughts or just need to vent, just PM me or email me (ohmickeym at gmail dot com). I'm happy to listen :),/i> This - well truthfully made me tear up a bit. I'm in a vulnerable place and it's lovely to once again be reminded that there are lots of caring people in the world. This is a very generous offer. :) I may take you up on it - the road is rocky right now. I am also friending - hope that's okay!
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Her mom may be basing her perceptions of Matthew on when she was in his class and he may have been less adjusted to the changes of middle school. I agree it needs to be addressed though.
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I'm sure that her perceptions are based on that, and in spite of Matthew's insistence of "I was the best behaved in the room", I'm not convinced *g* But I do think he needs to talk to her and get things straightened out.
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As always, you remain a mom in a million.