mickeym: (spn_dean lock and load)
mickeym ([personal profile] mickeym) wrote2008-10-03 07:08 pm

Day Dreams About Night Things, 1/1, PG, Gen (no pairing)

Title: Day Dreams About Night Things
Pairing: None, this is Gen
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: General for S4 thus far
Words: ~375
A/N: [livejournal.com profile] lemmealone commented about how we keep seeing Dean sleeping—but it's like he falls asleep when he can't stay awake any more. This is just a little snippet that kind of slithered into my head after reading her comment, about why he might not want to sleep. Hope you enjoy :) Also, apologies to Ronnie Milsap for nabbing his song title for my own *g*





If he could just manage without sleep, he'd be golden.

No rest for the wicked, dances through his mind, sharp and gleeful, shiny-sharp blades made of words and thoughts.

Right behind them are wet, red images in start-stop motion, blurred by inky black shadows.

Dean swallows the rest of his coffee, grimacing at the cold, bitter flavor, and glances over at the small coffee pot in the kitchenette. He'll make some more in a minute or two.

~~~~~


During the day, it's not so bad. He keeps moving, he and Sam talk, walk, eat, drive. There is research to do and people to save, and all kinds of shit to deal with.

Worst-case scenario, there's always daytime television, and that's good for annoying him back awake. So no, not so bad during the day.

But at night, once the sun starts slanting downward, Dean feels the weight of the shadows press in on him. Hears the wet, squelching noises and the shrill screams of the tortured damned. No matter how many lamps he turns on in their room; no matter how strong the flickering fluorescent bulbs shine, it's not enough. The shadows grin at him, silver teeth waiting to bite into him.

His hand shakes from lack of sleep, and the razor cuts him, red dripping onto the white porcelain of the sink, an obscene splash of color.

~~~~~


There aren't enough clothes in the world that he can wear, that will keep the nightmares at bay. No armor, no protection, nothing to block the hisses and shrieks; nothing to keep images from fluttering, flashing, twirling around him.

Dean knows he slept because he has crease marks on his cheek when he stands in front of the mirror, stark light streaming over him from the single overhead light. The shadows retreat, except for the ones under his eyes, in his eyes. He peers into the mirror and sees spider webs of pain, hears the spears made of screams coming to pierce him. He scrubs his hands over his face, then splashes it with some cold water.

Waits for the sizzle that should come, but doesn't.

Watches his hand tremble again as he reaches for towel.

Wonders if he's still sleeping, or awake.

Wonders if he'll ever know for sure, either way.

~fin~

[identity profile] lemmealone.livejournal.com 2008-10-03 11:14 pm (UTC)(link)
JJJHSHDZHJMNHDDDDD. YES. YES. OH I LOVE YOU. OUCH. \o/ \o/ \o/

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Mwah :) I'm glad you liked it, honey. *snugs*

[identity profile] pocketfullof.livejournal.com 2008-10-03 11:22 pm (UTC)(link)
DEEEEEEN. *clutches him*

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)
He hurts so pretty, doesn't he? *pets him*

[identity profile] laurificus.livejournal.com 2008-10-03 11:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Wah wah wah! Oh, Dean!

God, I can't stop thinking about this now.

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:10 pm (UTC)(link)
I wonder when we're going to get to see/hear more about his time in Hell -- because there's been an awful lot of allusion to it in recent eps.

[identity profile] aynslee.livejournal.com 2008-10-03 11:25 pm (UTC)(link)
OH! God, I just love Dean. DSJFJSDFKLJSDKJFSJDF Gorgeous.

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:10 pm (UTC)(link)
*hugs you* Thanks, honey :)

[identity profile] girlmostlikely.livejournal.com 2008-10-03 11:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh. OH OH OH. Those last four lines are just GENIUS and this is SO HURTY-GOOD!! *loves*

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks, Gin. :) I'm so glad you liked it :) *snugs*

[identity profile] twasadark.livejournal.com 2008-10-03 11:38 pm (UTC)(link)
So well written - I love this. I wish we could see something with half as much lyricism and impact as this on the show. Just great! Favorite image:

His hand shakes from lack of sleep, and the razor cuts him, red dripping onto the white porcelain of the sink, an obscene splash of color.

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you, honey! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the story so much :)

[identity profile] withdiamonds.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 12:01 am (UTC)(link)
Perfect. I wouldn't sleep either, if I was Dean.

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
I know, right? I'm pretty sure sleep would be the last thing I'd want. :)
ext_4073: (Dean: bitten)

[identity profile] cormallen.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 12:28 am (UTC)(link)
YESyesyes. *clutches you and Dean*

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:44 pm (UTC)(link)
*snuggles you* Thanks, darlin' :)

[identity profile] thenyxie.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 12:37 am (UTC)(link)
DAMN, Kim! That was awesome. POOR DEEN!

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks, honey :) *snugs*

[identity profile] audrarose.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 01:03 am (UTC)(link)
oh, DEAN. Yes, yes, I loved this!

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! :)

[identity profile] enablelove.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 01:21 am (UTC)(link)
WOW. That was...WOW :D

Oh Deannnnnnnnnn

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it :)
(deleted comment)

Re: perfect...

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Kind of an eerie thought, isn't it?

[identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 03:03 am (UTC)(link)
so so SO worth your while.

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:48 pm (UTC)(link)
*hugs you* Thanks, BB :)

[identity profile] iamstealthyone.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
Wonders if he's still sleeping, or awake.

Wonders if he'll ever know for sure, either way.


Oh, Dean.

Good peek into Dean's sleeping issues. I hadn't even noticed that he seems to fall asleep when he can't stay awake any longer, but now that you mention it ... And yes, I can definitely see him wanting to stay awake to avoid dealing with those horrible images. *hugs him*

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 07:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Kind of an awful thought, isn't it? You know you have to sleep sometime, but you also know that when you do, you're going to dream about things you don't want to. Ugh.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

[identity profile] saavikam77.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, Dean!! >_< *snugglesmishes him* This was absolutely spot on, so heartbreaking. Seems like you've caught the essence of how strung out he is so far this season.

His hand shakes from lack of sleep, and the razor cuts him, red dripping onto the white porcelain of the sink, an obscene splash of color.

This line is so vivid - I can just see Dean's horror as he sees the blood in the sink, then looks up into the mirror and sees the cut and his still-shaking hand. O_O

Bravo!!!

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow, thank you for the fantastic feedback! It makes me really happy that you enjoyed the story so much :)

[identity profile] may7fic.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 05:05 am (UTC)(link)
Truly a masterful little piece of writing. That we see Dean fully clothed while sleeping each time certainly lends credence to the idea that he's staying awake as long as he physically can and, given the glimpses we've seen of hell, I can't say I blame him.

I thought this was just terrific. And your last lines? Fantastic.

Edited 2008-10-04 05:05 (UTC)

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I know if I'd been through what he had, I doubt I'd be willingly going to sleep myself.

Thanks for reading, and for the comments :)

[identity profile] jackfan2.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 06:21 am (UTC)(link)
WoW.. just.. amazing!

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! :)
ext_13391: (sleeping!Dean)

[identity profile] smilla02.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 07:35 am (UTC)(link)
Wonders if he'll ever know for sure, either way.

*dies* Oh poor, sweet Dean!

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Poor Dean, definitely!

Thanks for the comments :)

[identity profile] fleshflutter.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 08:10 am (UTC)(link)
Oh that's just brilliant. Love the little detail of his hand shaking as he shaves and your description of the hell-chaos he remembers. :)

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks, honey :) If there's anyone on the show suffering PTSD, it's definitely Dean. I'm glad I conveyed that in this story.
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much :)

[identity profile] brigid-tanner.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 11:43 am (UTC)(link)
Wonderful. Makes perfect sense. Love those last few lines.

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! :)

[identity profile] joans23.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 01:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow. A brutal shock to the system, it hits hard. Excellent.

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks, honey :)

[identity profile] spike247uk.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 01:58 pm (UTC)(link)
so heartbreaking :(

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:48 pm (UTC)(link)
*offers hugs* Thanks :)

[identity profile] krisomniac.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 02:29 pm (UTC)(link)
ohhh, man. Hurts so good.

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 08:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you!

[identity profile] paper-cranes.livejournal.com 2008-10-04 02:49 pm (UTC)(link)
You do an excellent job capturing PTSD. Thank you, this was great. <3

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 09:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! My ex-husband is a veteran of the first Iraq war, and I spent a good chunk of time helping him deal with his PTSD.

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