I didn't say I didn't like it, so please don't mistake honest critique with disliking a story. I don't respond to fic I don't like or have no interest in. I only respond to work I think is basically a pretty good story. I just found it disappointing that such an interesting concept and something that showed a lot of potential was made confusing and jumbled by the two things I found issue with.
I said I had issues with the misuse of pronouns following nouns that made for some very intersting visuals of Sam doing some stuff to himself that I suppose was actually meant to be conveyed as being done to Dean and vice versa. And I was talking about the switching of tenses within the same paragraphs that made the story confusing and took away the kind of powerful impact the work could have had for me.
Granted, the proper use of pronouns following nouns is hard to do when writing same sex type scenes.
Also you don't use present tense even when switching between a 'then-now' type scenario. The correct thing to do is use past tense for the 'then' parts and present past tense for the 'now' parts.
Example:
Last week Sam had remembered how the whole thing began. Now he remembered why he wanted to get it over with.
You only use present tense within dialog or if the story is being narrated from someones POV.
Example; "Dean go get the salt," Sam whispered.
I really don't know where to begin with this whole thing that is happening between my brother Dean and I or how we even ended up in this situation. All I know is it had a lot to do with how our dad used to treat him when we were growing up.
My point is it just would have done the story and the interesting concept behind it more justice if the author had polished it up a bit more and did another pass through regarding tense use and placement of pronouns before putting it out there. I just hate to see a good story robbed of its fullest potential to be the best story it can be and this was basically a good story and the author is basically a good writer.
I'd love to read this story again if it had the tense and pronoun placement issue cleaned up. The story itself is very good and it deserves to be presented in the best written form possible.
Perhaps the english language is changing and perhaps I am too 'old school' in that I want the best for a story and a writer. That I am not willing to just sit back and go 'oh yeah I know what they mean'. Call me old fashioned that I want a writer to be the best they can be and not settle for anything less for themselves and their wonderfully creative work. That I want them to understand the mechanics of writing and conveying the visuals for their work. That I want a writer to have that kind of high respect for themselves and their own work that they strive to be the best. Especially good writers like the one who came up with this story.
no subject
I said I had issues with the misuse of pronouns following nouns that made for some very intersting visuals of Sam doing some stuff to himself that I suppose was actually meant to be conveyed as being done to Dean and vice versa. And I was talking about the switching of tenses within the same paragraphs that made the story confusing and took away the kind of powerful impact the work could have had for me.
Granted, the proper use of pronouns following nouns is hard to do when writing same sex type scenes.
Also you don't use present tense even when switching between a 'then-now' type scenario. The correct thing to do is use past tense for the 'then' parts and present past tense for the 'now' parts.
Example:
Last week Sam had remembered how the whole thing began. Now he remembered why he wanted to get it over with.
You only use present tense within dialog or if the story is being narrated from someones POV.
Example; "Dean go get the salt," Sam whispered.
I really don't know where to begin with this whole thing that is happening between my brother Dean and I or how we even ended up in this situation. All I know is it had a lot to do with how our dad used to treat him when we were growing up.
My point is it just would have done the story and the interesting concept behind it more justice if the author had polished it up a bit more and did another pass through regarding tense use and placement of pronouns before putting it out there. I just hate to see a good story robbed of its fullest potential to be the best story it can be and this was basically a good story and the author is basically a good writer.
I'd love to read this story again if it had the tense and pronoun placement issue cleaned up. The story itself is very good and it deserves to be presented in the best written form possible.
Perhaps the english language is changing and perhaps I am too 'old school' in that I want the best for a story and a writer. That I am not willing to just sit back and go 'oh yeah I know what they mean'. Call me old fashioned that I want a writer to be the best they can be and not settle for anything less for themselves and their wonderfully creative work. That I want them to understand the mechanics of writing and conveying the visuals for their work. That I want a writer to have that kind of high respect for themselves and their own work that they strive to be the best. Especially good writers like the one who came up with this story.