mickeym

such a smallBIG thing

Sun, 17 May 2026 05:52:30 GMT

Megan is apparently not speaking to me. I don't know if it's for a limited time, or for the rest of time, or what. No idea. To know these things, she'd have to be asking me.

According to Donnie, who said to me, "don't tell her I said anything, because she'd be SO MAD", Megan has issues with me going back years. Also, apparently, she now feels that Matthew and I took advantage of her. I feel like that's coaching from Donnie, because until about six months ago, Megan had never said, ever, that she felt like we were taking advantage. Not to me, not to Matthew, nothing.

And now she's not speaking to me at all. The girl -- woman -- who used to say "I love you" every day when she left for work. Who would joke and laugh with me, and we'd wish each other a good night at bedtime. Now she can't get out of the room fast enough. In fact tonight, Matthew told me, Donnie called her (from the kitchen to their room), and he heard her say, "Kim's in the bathroom". And she popped out briefly, then back.

And while I know I should initiate the conversation, I don't want to. I'm a punching bag for them when they get angry at me, and I'm not willing to do that anymore. Enough's enough. We expect them to leave by the end of June (and when June gets a bit closer, we're going to tell them this. At least that's the plan.).

I'm going to miss them, sometimes. Megan lived with us for a decade, which is no small amount of time. My relationship with both of them (Donnie in particular, but both of them) is very complicated and complex. I'd love to have a relationship with them after they move out, but I'm not sure that's going to be possible.

And in the meantime, Donnie's talking about the trailer they're moving in to -- both of them, still in the same bedroom, even though they're broken up -- and how two of her male friends, upon hearing they'd broken up, said they would move in, help her with rent and so on. So Donnie talks about how they'll have four contracts on the lease, with each of them paying a quarter of the expenses. And she says that unironically. Like it's perfectly okay to plan that, while still not realizing that that's what WE tried to do with them.

End of June. I'm holding on to that, so very tightly.

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GoFundMe

Sat, 16 May 2026 05:51:36 GMT

Matthew made a GoFundMe for us. If you're interested, it's here: https://gofund.me/27478dd15
If you can't donate, please consider sharing the link. Thanks :)

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I am asking for help with my rent

Thu, 14 May 2026 09:15:44 GMT

Some of you got this as an email, but things are happening now that are making it even more urgent.

Our rent payment for May bounced. I need $1,146 as soon as possible. We got our "seven day letter" on the 10th. Well, I got an email copy of it. The actual letter hasn't arrived yet, go figure. I spent a good chunk of my day yesterday at the Helping Hand of Hope, applying for emergency rental assistance. They can't grant me anything until they've spoken with my property management company. The woman Matthew and I met with made the call to LREI while we were in her office. She asked on the message for them to call her back by 3:30. That she can't do anything for me, until she talks to them. She said she would call us to let us know how much they could give us, but she didn't call. I have no idea if we'll still get any help from them, because of it taking so long.

Now for the why. I don't know for sure, won't know until Matthew starts therapy and gets officially diagnosed. But I'm pretty sure he has a sex addiction. Porn, sex, all of it. It's been hovering there, in the background, for a while, slowly escalating. Well, he hit a new low. High. Something. And he ran through a pretty impressive amount of money in the first week of this month. I don't know how much, exactly, but for sure over $700. Which is a staggering amount of money, truly.

Matthew will start therapy within a week. We started the paperwork tonight (Tuesday night), and then I hit a snag with the signing box (naturally), so now we have to wait until morning to call them to figure it out. If you want to check it out, it's www.astrabh.com. I'm going to start therapy with them as well. I need to sit in on some of Matthew's sessions, probably, but I need it for my own stuff. I could stay with Rhonda, but she only sees patients twice a week. Plus, Rhonda is safe and comfortable. If I'm ever going to be able to tell my son NO, or learn how to set boundaries, and other healthy behaviors, I need someone who isn't safe or comfortable.

Anyway. What I owe breaks down to this:

Rent: $1,010
Bounce Fee: $35
Late Fee: $101

If there's any chance anyone can help me out, I would be beyond grateful. I applied for a loan, but I don't know that I'll get approved (I was turned down for a "pre-approved" thing, and am waiting on a phone call from a loan specialist). I don't know if my Mom or sister can help us this time. (And the update on that is no, they won't.) I'm going to try the Salvation Army, as well, but I'm not holding out a lot of hope here. If you can't, I understand that. Keep us in your thoughts, or send positive energy. It's all appreciated.

If you can help, send it to my Paypal (paypal.me/kimandmattg6794). I've taken the card away from Matthew -- all of the cards -- so you don't need to worry about that.

I know I've asked for help a lot. I'm really hoping that we can get on our feet and I won't need to ask for anything from anyone, and in fact could maybe help others, at some point. But right now, I pretty desperately need help. Not just for the rent, though that's the critical issue, but for June as well. Because, in trying to to cover other things, I've overdrawn my checking account by $1300. That's all of the money I get for the month. Once we pay rent for June, I'll have $217 to get me through the month.

Please help, if you can. Feel free to share this post, or link to it. Anything you think might help.

Thank you,

Kim

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I am the biggest fucking idiot in existence

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 07:41:54 GMT

So Donnie had this huge breakdown a couple nights ago. Megan was "too high" -- whatever that means -- and had passed out cold. Without doing anything Donnie wanted her to do. And while Donnie cut up chicken to freeze, she sat at the kitchen table and had the most dramatic breakdown, crying and choking on her sobs and blah blah blah.

Megan was "supposed to talk to us, and was going to be So Mad that Donnie did it", and Matthew and I were both concerned, but we also knew what she was going to say. Some things just become obvious, y'know? The $1800 they needed to get into this mobile home they're 'renting to own'? Gone. They have $300 of it left. The vacation they just were on, courtesy of Donnie's Aunt, Super!Suzy? Not courtesy of her. They owe her $400. They paid her $100 today. And they won't have a week's worth of checks, because they were gone M-Fri, or maybe Saturday? I don't know. We had five good days, I thought they weren't going to be back until Sunday, but anyway. They're back, they're a week short on funds, and they only have $200, now. So no, not moving out. NOT FUCKING LEAVING. Because Matthew and I both said no, of course we're not going to put you out on the street. You can stay here until you save up the money, or get your student loan disbursements, whatever. Please stay longer and not pay us anything to live here.

Tonight Matthew came in from having a fire pit thing -- they roasted stuff over the fire and probably got high, and had a good giggle. And then he came inside and told me that things had to change or *I* was going lose Megan and probably Donnie. I said excuse me? And was treated to Matthew telling me that Donnie and Megan both told him that I have to "stop playing them against each other, and stop playing Matthew against them", or it's going to ruin our relationship(s). There were no specifics given. No details. Nothing to go on to support this. Just I'm playing them against each other and it needs to stop or that'll be it for our relationship(s).

Since I have NOTHING, literally, to go on -- though the timing between Donnie's fucking breakdown Sunday, Saturday, whenever, and Megan being out here today nattering on about how there's evidence Jeffery Epstein is alive and living in Florida, and Trump had Pope Leo assassinated, but I won't find anything in any of the prominent news sources because it's being "kept silent" (WHAT? Seriously.), and at some point I brought up the them-moving-paychecks-they-can-save-to-do-that, and I don't know what else -- I have to assume it's whatever I said that they then ran to the other and said, "oh, she said ______________!"

So I told Matthew well, that's fine. I'll say goodmorning or hello, or whatever... but anything beyond that, I'm not saying anything unless they're both in the mother-fucking room at the same time, and Matthew better be there too, so I have someone ELSE listening. And I'm playing HIM against THEM. I don't have a clue about that one.

I'm so angry that I feel like crying, and my chest is tight and hurts, and I want to throw things and give them something to really talk about, but I'm not going to. I'm going to mentally tell them they can go fuck themselves and get the fuck out of my house. I'm at the point where I don't care if I never see either of them again. Not even Megan, and that hurts so bad inside me. She's been my little girl, my daughter, the child I didn't know I wanted until she got here. And it hurts so badly that she would say that. That everything I've done for her would be paid this way. I never wanted payment, I didn't do anything to be paid back. I just loved her because. She's been a part of our lives for nearly 11 years.

I don't understand, and I'm so mad, and so sad, and nothing's ever going to be the same, because I don't know if I can do another three to five months of this. They were supposed to move out last month, and then Donnie had a meltdown over trying to adjust to a new job, AND prepare for vacation, AND move, AND get unpacked and and and. So we told them May was fine, it would save her a half month of rent, and they could focus on moving after vacation, not before, and we could feed their cats who already know us. Matthew asked them to pay him $10 for it, and they said sure, and made sure there was enough food and litter on hand for them. (Not that it matters, they spend half the day out here, eating our food, etc.) And then it wasn't "right after vacation, probably the middle of the month". And then it was "probably the end of the month".

And now we're at "probably September".

I am the biggest fucking idiot in existence.

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I don't even know

Thu, 09 Apr 2026 02:33:12 GMT

It hurts to feel this angry and this bitter, so much of the time.

Two days ago, or maybe three or four, I don't know for sure. They all run together, after a while. Anyway. I was having trouble pushing away the trunk I use as a makeshift stool (my chair is a recliner, but the recliner broke and Madisyn killed my warranty by taking a hammer to it). Sometimes when it's humid and the windows are open, it becomes harder to push the truck away from me.

So I asked Matthew if he could help me with the stool. Pull it out so I could stand up and do whatever it was I was going to do. Well, he said, "you can do it yourself. You just have to try harder." I was already in a pissy mood, and I snapped. I don't remember what I said, but it conveyed my pissy mood. Something to the effect of how could he just sit there and watch me struggle and NOT offer help. I have to pull my leg all the way up to my body in order to get enough leverage to push it away from me -- and if it's humid, it's extremely difficult.

And Donnie, in my kitchen making a mess, as always, turns toward me and Matthew and says, "He didn't answer you {however whatever}, and Matthew, you're her son, not her caretaker. You don't have to do anything for her.

My very first internal reaction to that was WTELF??!

I then told her as nicely as I could manage that I wasn't interested in her opinion, and she could keep it to herself. I told Matthew much the same. I finally was able to get up, and went into the bathroom (my "room") and stayed there for a little while, just shaking with anger.

Later, when talking with Matthew about it (without Donnie, tyvm), I asked him what, exactly, he thought I was asking for him to do, to "be my caregiver". I said, you don't wipe my ass for me; you don't do any of my hygiene care; you don't bathe me or feed me or do my meds. Occasionally, I need help getting the stool out to get up, and I do ask him to push the stool in for me, because I can't always get it pulled all the way in. He puts my laundry into the washer, and then into the dryer. I fold it, and put it away. I cook for us. I wash our dishes -- he usually dries and puts away. What, exactly, is he giving me that falls into any category other than "one human helping another one out". Donnie, I should mention, will run Megan ragged fetching this or that or the other, especially while cooking. Megan puts Donnie's shoes and socks on her. Fetches clothing. Or Donnie's purse. She gets water with ice, constantly. I mean, if we're going tit-for-tat, maybe Donnie should look at her own domestic relationship -- and keep her nose out of mine.

They're out of town right now. On vacation (though they can't afford to pay any of the bills here). They're down in Gatlinburg TN, and Super!Suzy has paid for them to be there. They're not going to have any income for the week they're gone, and they've run through a good chunk of what got set aside for moving. Matthew and I have decided that we're going to tell them they have until May 1st to move, or they'll have to start paying something. And it's nothing to do with whether or not we have the money to pay all the bills. We almost do. As long as nothing happens. But it has to do with, god, living in someone's house for 16 months, and having paid about $1000. Total. In 16 months. That's roughly $62.50/mo.

Augh. I'm sorry. That was major word!vomit, and I just came over here to vent a little bit about one thing.

I think I'm going to watch some ER, and then go to bed.

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Oh, I'm kinda sad

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 22:22:13 GMT

I missed my LJ-versary. I think I'm 24 over here, now. 2002 to now... yeah. That's a lot of years to be somewhere. My real, live kid isn't much older.

It's changed so much over here. Well, everywhere. But I really miss LJ as it was in the early 2000's. I miss fandom as it was in the early 2000's. All the drama, all the fun, all the OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE __________?!

I wish, sometimes, that I could dial my life back to 2003, 2004. Still married, finances more-or-less under control, things so much smoother than they are now. My kid, still a kid. Most of my friends online, but I talked with most of them nearly every single day. If not online, then some on the phone. Or instant messaging.

I miss writing. I haven't written anything, I don't think, since around 2012. I'm not sure where the words went, but I wish they'd come back. Maybe they will, someday.

There are so many people I miss from LJ. Some have migrated to Dreamwidth. Some to other platforms I either don't know about, or don't know much about. I never could really figure out Tumblr, and Snapchat and Instagram seem less fannish. Some people I see on Facebook, and there are fannish groups/communities there. But it feels so different to what LJ was in its heyday.

I'm gonna stop talking now, because I'm making myself sad, and I don't need any help in that arena.
Love to everyone. :)

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Asking for some help

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 04:17:19 GMT

Hey, y'all. I'm posting this to the platforms I use: Facebook, LiveJournal, and Dreamwidth, so my apologies if you see it more than once.

Matthew and I need some help getting caught up before it gets completely out of control. We need about $600 to get my checking account out of the negative, and to cover new meds for Matthew, from his new doctor.

I have Paypal: paypal.me/kimandmattg6794. If CashApp works better, Matthew has one; just let me know by DM or email, and I'll get the handle or whatever they call it.

If anyone can help us out, I would be so grateful. I thought we had it better under control, but then we had a couple unexpected expenses.

Thank you from both me, and Matthew.

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her blood's runnin' like a raging river

Sat, 07 Mar 2026 06:38:49 GMT

Countdown is holding at ~three weeks.

Tonight, Donnie and Megan decided they needed to light the fire pit. But rather than do a couple things up front (like move the chair(s) outside before going crazy with lighter fluid, and close the windows that were open) they waited until the fire was going.

My whole house smells like lighter fluid and wood smoke. I have a monster headache, and breathing while sitting back in my chair is proving a little trickier than I'd thought it would be. I'm sitting up now, and I've used my inhaler. But the back of my throat is sore now, and my chest hurts, and is it really that difficult to think of someone else before doing something? There's no one in this apartment who isn't aware that I have asthma, plus allergy season has already started for me.

Matthew is still struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, and he's not the only one who kind of wants out of this life. We're also still struggling with money -- I thought everything got paid, and it didn't, and now my checking account is overdrawn, and I just would like to catch a break. Not even a big break. Just a little one.

But now I need to go scoop out the litterboxes. Joy.

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And I'm the one they say is always trying to start a fight?

Thu, 26 Feb 2026 01:59:45 GMT

We are having fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans for dinner. Donnie asked if we wanted to join them, so I contributed a bag of chicken, and some green beans (I think). Then I asked if we have gravy, could they use my bouillon (Herb Ox, shelf stable granulated bouillon) rather than their Better than Bouillon, to make the gravy.

Why? Because it says right on the freakin' label to *refrigerate after opening*. And Donnie doesn't. Just goes about doing her thing (she ate queso from Qdoba last night that had been sitting out for two days). I asked nicely, and I stated why. And I feel like I kind of got mocked for asking/requesting -- because I was informed that there's "no difference between the two, just the one has more moisture in it, that's why it's a paste, and mine just has had the moisture pulled out of it".

Well, yes. Sort of. But the BtB, after I googled it, contains actual meat within the paste, as well as vegetables. And that is what helps generate the growth of bacteria within the BtB. My HerbOx is dehydrated, and has a bit higher salt content, and it doesn't grow bacteria--there's nothing to help it grow.

I think I have a jar of chicken gravy in the fridge, from when I got a rotisserie chicken at the store a week or two ago. i can use that, if Donnie uses her bacteria farm to make gravy from. Of course, that will probably create all sorts of problems itself, but it's better than getting diarrhea (or worse) that can be prevented. One month, possibly less, before they're gone. Can't wait.

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Yay! and Boo :(

Wed, 25 Feb 2026 06:54:33 GMT

Matthew's home! He got home yesterday afternoon, and I'm so very, very glad he's home. He has some new meds, and I'm hoping they help him.

I'm also very, very ready to have Donnie and Megan gone. Or, at least, Donnie. I'm so tired of her, and her opinions on everything that is none of her business. And as far as I'm concerned, none of my business is any of her business.

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Matthew

Mon, 16 Feb 2026 23:31:48 GMT

If I could have your thoughts and prayers for Matthew, please, I would appreciate it. He's been admitted to Psych at our local hospital, on a 72 hour suicide watch. They're getting him back on his meds -- most of which he's been off of for nearly a year -- and hopefully getting a social worker in to see him. Also hopefully getting him into counseling, because i know he needs that.

I am...not great, but dealing. I'm looking forward to being able to talk to him without crying. I did better, this evening. It's a process, I guess. I cleaned the floor in the living room (what I could), and swept the kitchen, and wiped stuff down. Cleaning is good for keeping busy. Tomorrow is homework day.

But yeah. Prayers, positive thoughts, whatever you can spare. Thank you.

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at what point is it enough?

Sun, 15 Feb 2026 13:09:51 GMT

Being tested, I mean. And for that matter, who/what the hell is testing me? And why? I feel like I've run some stupid endurance race, and every time I think I'm looking at the "finish line", someone moves it. Or I'm lifting weights that someone keeps adding to.

Matthew started a (new, obviously) job tonight. He had orientation Friday, and then last night (Saturday) started his shift. That shift is 6:50p-7:00a. He texted me about 4:30 that they were sending him to the ER because he was having trouble breathing and his blood pressure was really high (I was on the phone with him just a minute ago when the ER was retaking it; it was 161/126, which is not good. And then Donnie pipes up with, "That's not so bad, I've had like 202 over 140", and I'm thinking this is not a case of higher is better, oy vey).

ANYWAY. The med people there at the factory couldn't decide if it was an allergic reaction to something, or if he was having a heart attack or stroke, or what, so they put him in an ambulance and shipped him to the hospital. He's had an EKG, an x-ray, blood drawn. When they were doing intake he also told them that he was having suicidal thoughts, so they made him change out of his clothes into clothing that was more compliant and easier to keep him safe in. The ER doc wanted him to see a counselor/therapist there, but Communicare (the ones who work with the hospital) has a policy of doing a urine drug screen before they'll meet with a patient. Matthew has a shy bladder. He asked if they could do a blood test, but no, Communicare's policy is urine drug screen. I find myself wondering how they get around this if the person is too dehydrated (or whatever) to do a urine sample at all. Do they just not treat the individual?

Anyway, we talked for a bit. I told him to try and nap while he waits on the doctor. And I'll keep my fingers crossed there's nothing truly (physically) wrong.

I haven't slept yet; I was trying to stay awake until Matthew got home, but I'm moving past tired now, into the next Zone. I'll keep y'all updated.

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Got a question that's sort of about music

Sat, 14 Feb 2026 18:24:01 GMT

This was originally posted to Facebook. I decided I had a better chance of getting a wider variety of responses here.

Facebook, I have a serious question for you, that comes with a little bit of backstory: Last night, while waiting for dinner to do its thing. Donnie, Matthew and I were listening to music on YouTube, each taking a turn to pick a song. And it was good, at first. But, and it's a big one, a lot of what Matthew listens to now very often contains extreme profanity, references to sex acts, drug/alcohol use, regular use of the N word.

I'm not dissing his music, though it kind of feels that way to him, and I did hurt his feelings (I didn't mean to, and I apologized). I had a similar, reverse, thing happen with Doug. And I know that music is intensely personal: even if you like the same music as someone else, chances are it means something different to the two of you.

But so here's my question: After a song in which the N word was used three times within 30 seconds, I stopped the song. Because I just can't. Everything I've heard and taken in through life in general, and particularly in the past couple decades or so, has been YOU DO NOT USE THE N WORD. You don't throw it around in general speech (or you're not supposed to). You're not supposed to accept that word as appropriate for any situation. Don't use it, period.
Except...why is it okay if it's dropped 23048230 times into a "song"? How is that any different from normal, every day speech?

And then Donnie blew my mind by telling me that I'm the first person she's ever heard ask/say that out loud. Surely I can't be the only person who has ever wondered that? Can anyone explain this to me?

And sidebar question(s): for anyone who has adult children, or nearing adulthood children (or family members, etc): what are they listening to? What's in those songs? Do you share musical interests with said young people?

Thanks 🙂

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oh, yikes!

Thu, 12 Feb 2026 02:39:37 GMT

I've been watching "Emergency!" on Peacock, and decided to poke around on AO3, just to see what's what in fiction for that show. And I came across a very...aggressive...note on someone's story that said, "If you post a review requesting to do art for my stories, I will block you."

Is that a thing that happens frequently? I mean, really? I'm not real active in any fandom right now, so I don't spend a lot of time on AO3 -- or anywhere else -- so I don't know. It just seems really aggressive, if all they're doing is saying they want to do art for a story.

*is confused*

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Help?

Thu, 05 Feb 2026 16:48:58 GMT

Is there anyone who could spot me $50? I need to get Matthew to the Social Security office to change his direct deposit; then he needs to get to a factory where he's supposed to do a pre-hire drug test, and then back home. We're estimating the Ubers at $15 each, with a dollar or two for a tip. His drug screen is at 2:30p, Eastern time.

Paypal is kimandmattg6794

Many thanks in advance <3

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Oh, the memories

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 07:36:16 GMT

Matthew decided he wanted to watch Star Trek. Our DVD collection extends to Enterprise, and Voyager (for series), and he chose Voyager. I have fond memories of my earliest pairing interest, before I was consumed by slash pairings: Janeway/Paris and Janeway/Chakotay. And on a really good day, Janeway/Chakotay/Paris. :D

If I'm remembering correctly, The Sentinel and Voyager aired on the same night. I can't remember which was first, but I do remember it being a couple hours of pretty good TV.

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ugh

Sat, 10 Jan 2026 02:14:04 GMT

I love being lectured by children.

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I've gone beyond confused

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 23:10:32 GMT

Can someone please explain to me how it is ANY of Donnie's business if I apply for/take out a loan (or do anything at all, for that matter)? Matthew made the mistake of mentioning something he and I are looking into, thinking Donnie was asking about that, and now she's all concerned that we're going to buy out of our lease and thus leave her homeless.

If she was truly worried about being homeless, maybe she shouldn't 1) walk out of a job without having another one lined up; 2) look for full-time employment, rather than the part-time job she finally started (yesterday; she fucking QUIT her job back in, I don't know, October?).

Then she looks at me and says, "Kim, have you ever taken out a loan?"

I know she sees me as this old, washed up woman who doesn't ever have enough money to pay what always seems to need to be paid. But once upon a time, I owned my own home! Or, well, was paying on a mortgage that my name was on. I've had car loans. I've had personal loans. And then apparently, after saying that she felt she was spoken to badly (she was, and I apologized, because I did get snippy, but Jesus), when Matthew went back to drop one of their cats back into their room, she told him that I shouldn't put the loan in his name, because he doesn't have a good track record with paying things.

It is absolutely none of her business. Any of it. Any of my life. Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

She works tomorrow. I'm looking forward to not having her here in the house for four hours.

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In today's "Fun with Donnie"

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 21:28:40 GMT

The household was doing a casual conversation about names for pets. Donnie said she and Megan had talked about one day -- when their cats are gone -- they might get a pair of ferrets, and name them "Rigatoni" and "Tuk Tuk". I knew the name sounded familiar but couldn't place it, and then she mentioned the Disney movie "The Last Dragon", and yeah. It's the name of one of the characters. But I googled it, and it's also the name for a small taxi (three wheels only), common in Asia, parts of Africa, and South America.

Then Donnie mentioned something about a movie called The Samurai (I think?). I said I hadn't seen it. She said "Oh, it has Tom Cruise in it, such a good movie, blah blah blah". I mentioned I don't watch Tom Cruise movies, and she asked why. I said because I dislike his whole Scientology thing, and I won't give my money to him. And she said "That's so stupid." And when I said maybe, but that's how I feel -- because it really is -- she said something else, and I said something else, and she got up from her chair, huffed out and into her room, and shut the door hard. Not quite a slam, but definitely close to it. All over me saying I don't like Tom Cruise, and why I don't support his movies!

At no point did I say she shouldn't watch Tom Cruise movies. At no point did I say anything about anything else related to that. (I do have one exception to that, and that's the War of the Worlds remake from 2005, but that's because I love anything to do with War of the Worlds more than I dislike Tom Cruise.)

Then she apparently was yelling to Megan about that, and about how Matthew is being selfish and not thinking about the whole household, because he's not sure what he wants to do about Madisyn. She actually said to him today, when he and I were talking about trying to put some money on her Commissary account in December, after we get our checks. And Donnie said, "I thought Matthew was getting a divorce from Madisyn." Well, it's a very complex situation. He probably is getting a divorce, because that way he can separate his household from hers, in order to get back the benefits he lost when they got married.

But it absolutely isn't any of her business what he does, unless it's going to involve Donnie in some way. And Madisyn is in rehab (supposedly started yesterday), and will likely also be looking at some prison time when she's done. She had 15 months of probation left when she missed her meeting, she likely will have to serve that final 15 months behind bars, or possibly the entirety of the original 3 year sentence. Plus the new charge of missing the meeting, and having drugs in her system, but that's pure speculation on our part right now, because she hasn't even had a court date set yet.

And Donnie and Megan? Will not be living here beyond May, because WE probably won't be living here beyond May. But nothing is set in stone yet, and none of it affects Donnie. Because she won't be here. But holy hannah, does she not have any reason to be commenting on what Matthew's doing, unless Matthew specifically asks for her opinion/advice. Which he's about as likely to do as he is to walk outside and let himself get hit by a school bus.

Ugh. Just, ugh. :-/

x-posted to Dreamwidth and Livejournal

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AUGH

Thu, 20 Nov 2025 04:10:21 GMT

Every. single. fucking. TIME that I react to something with less than grace (or, you know, less than adult), Donnie has to put her two cents in. Right now, I'm hella frustrated because I can't get the stupid graphics assignment figured out for my keyboarding class.

It's my fault for waiting until the last minute to do it, but I'm also now dealing with the flu that they so kindly brought into my home, and a mega-headache that's probably the combination of flu, the television, three other people plus cats out here making noise and irritating me, plus I need new glasses. The ones I have don't work so great when I'm doing close work, like computer stuff, school work, and the like.

Ugh. On top of all of that, Matthew's been camped out here in the living room for the past two weeks. That means that he's been "driving" the remote since then, and again tonight he puts on... I don't even know what it is. But he didn't even bother (again, still) to ask if I wanted to watch that, or whatever. I don't know. This is just a venting post, while they're all outside getting stoned. Something else I'm really tired of.

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I hate this

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 22:39:53 GMT

Can anyone help me out with groceries? I can't get to the foodbanks Even just $10 would help. We have nothing. Going to list some stuff on eBay Marketplace, but that's going to take a little while.

Paypal if anyone needs it: kimandmattg6794@gmail.com

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Madisyn, redux

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 17:54:37 GMT

Madisyn’s parole/probation officer, plus (I guess) a backup, showed up this morning, about 10a. Not surprising, because Megan called and left a message yesterday, and then called again (or he called her? I’m not sure). Anyway. Madisyn was taken into custody. Then, the way it was explained to me, she’ll be offered two options: she can consent to inpatient rehab (and if there are no spots available, she’ll be held at the detention center until one opens up); or she can finish out her sentence (about a year) in prison. Rehab will be anywhere from six to 12 months. It’s unlikely we’ll have any contact any longer. I don’t know about Matthew, but I’m going to see what I can find for him in the way of a counselor who can see him several times a week (ideally). Hell, a family counselor might not be a bad idea, at least initially.

We got chastised for the number of cats in the house; the overall condition of our home; the fact that so many of the cats look sickly, that I don’t have a clear path to the front door (Matthew’s been sleeping on the floor out here, and he hadn’t picked up his blankets yet). Megan, Donnie, and Matthew were all asked if they were employed – actually, I think they were asked if anyone in the house was employed, and then we could all feel the judging that happened.

It's been a fun morning.

Matthew’s so obviously hurting, and I hate that for him. Me? All I feel is relief. That we can finally relax a little bit and figure out what’s next. But I think we’re going to take a couple of days and just breathe.

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Matthew and Madisyn

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 22:45:22 GMT

Well, here we are, AGAIN, with Madisyn. She showed up outside our door some time Sunday evening (making it roughly five days she was gone, with no word), banging on the door, ringing the doorbell, shouting that she was sorry, she’s cold, would we let her in so she could get some clothes. Fortunately, we’d already bagged up most of her clothing, as well as some blankets. She dug through those, then shut herself into the junk mobile. We ended up calling the cops twice, with the banging and doorbell ringing, and jerking at the doorknob. It ended with her in the truck again, which I didn’t care about, and the police officer telling us to call again if necessary.

Monday, Matthew started talking about how he wanted to let her come in, because it was so cold out (which it was; it hit 27 last night, I think, plus it snowed off and on all day). I said no, that wasn’t happening, and did he remember the five days with no word from her? And we went back and forth like that all. freaking. day. He went out to talk to her at some point, despite my telling him that wasn’t a good idea. He came back in a while later saying she didn’t have money for a motel, she had about $17 – she blew her whole check on drugs. Then he said she wanted to come in and talk to me, to explain herself what happened. I told him no, I had no interest in talking to her. Because I don’t. We’re not doing this again…except for how we are.

According to Madisyn, via Matthew, she wasn’t with her friend K. She’d called someone else, or they called her, I don’t know. And this person came and picked her up, and then gave her something that kept her stoned/high/whatever, and prevented her from calling anyone or leaving to get to work. She was passed around and sexually assaulted, while shooting meth and heroin. And at the end of it, some time Sunday, she got an Uber to bring her back here.

I really don’t want any contact with her, nor any responsibility for her. Matthew is hovering around looking sad and miserable and angry, in turns, saying he “just wants to be a decent human being” -- which is the phrase he used repeated the last time she showed up on our doorstep, after she got out of jail. I understand that, but at the same time, she snuck out of the house, sent him a text saying she was somewhere she wasn’t, with someone she wasn’t. She never answered any of his text messages, or messenger/snapchat messages, phone calls, nothing. It sounds like she could have walked away at any time, or at least texted him and said ‘help’, but she didn’t. We told her when we did the intervention thing in June, that this was her last chance. If she did drugs again, she was out. Now she has – she told him she’s been using again, for months – and that’s it for me. I don’t wish any harm on her, and I want her to get the help she so obviously needs, but I don’t want her here in my home any longer. And I feel *awful* saying that. I feel like the world’s worst person. But holy Hannah, there need to be some boundaries. I need to set some boundaries.

Matthew snuck her in last night. He’d been talking about it, and I told him that would be the worst thing he could do, and he did it anyway. And then Megan got up to take a shower (she and Donnie both have the flu), went into Matthew’s room (the shower in my bathroom doesn’t work), and heard someone snoring. She knew Matthew was sleeping in the living room, as was I, so there was only one other option. Oh, Megan was mad. Matthew got mad back, and then Donnie joined the group, and I had to be the one to tell everyone to calm it down, because yelling at each other wasn’t going to accomplish anything.

We told Matthew she had to leave the house. She could go back into the truck, but she had to leave the actual apartment. He was so angry and upset, and crying about how cold it was out there, but by that point it was 7a, the sun was coming up, and I told him that she’d warmed up, she had clothes and blankets, and she needed to go. Megan called her probation officer and got voice mail. We know she missed her PO visit, because that was this past Thursday. For all we know, there’s a bench warrant out for her. Matthew kept going on about being a decent human being, but I’m tired of being the decent human being. There has been nothing but discord in our home since he brought her home. We’ve dealt with her relapsing several times. With manic behavior. With lying, and stealing, and destruction of things that didn’t belong to her. I can’t understand why the hell he wants to have anything to do with her, and less than 12 hours ago he was telling me he wants to “fix his relationship”. He wants them to learn how to communicate, so things like this don’t happen. But there is zero trust between them – she went as far as to set up a separate FB account, just for talking to other men for/about sex, when she wouldn’t even cuddle with him anymore. They both lie to each other. She told him that this around she wanted to kill herself, that’s why she mixed the heroin with the meth. And she took some pills. Xanex, and some others I don’t remember.

Then he kept going on about her coming out here to talk to me--after telling me that she believes that me, Megan and Donnie all hate her and don’t give a fuck what happens to her. I told him I do not wish any harm upon her, and I want her to get help and be well. But that’s the limit of it. I told him she would have to have minimum six months in rehab and counseling before I would even consider interaction with her – but quite frankly, I’m just not interested. And he keeps saying he loves her, and she makes him happy, which led me to ask him, in what way has she made him happy at ALL in the past year. What has she done/said? Because he’s walked around for the past year looking miserable all the time. ALL the time. Angry with her, with her behavior, with her not helping us, spending all her check on stupid shit. He’s talked about harming himself. Does any of that sound like love?

I’ve been pushing the in-patient rehab thing pretty strongly. They work with addiction, with mental health issues, with getting your life back on the right track. But all she’ll say is she’ll see a counselor. I don’t think that would be sufficient, and how is she going to get to said counselor? Where will she be living? How will she get insurance? At least one of the in-patient options takes Medicaid, which she qualifies for now, because she doesn’t have a job any longer.

And like I said at the beginning of this…I can’t believe we’re here, again. A whole year, and nothing has changed. Actually, nearly two years, because she showed up on our doorstep early February of 2024.

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approaching the end of the Madisyn saga

Sat, 08 Nov 2025 23:52:47 GMT

So, we’ve had a major upheaval in the household: Madisyn’s gone.

She left early Wednesday morning; the text message Matthew woke up to, around 10a, that was time stamped 5:36, said that her friend Kayla was picking her up to spend a little time with her (Kayla). Kayla’s girlfriend had gone to Alabama for a few days, and Kayla was upset and depressed. Matthew texted Madisyn when he woke up, and she didn’t answer. She didn’t answer any texts, any messages, any phone calls. Around 4:30 that afternoon, Madisyn’s boss called Donnie, asking if she knew where Madisyn was, since she was supposed to be in to work at 1p. We messaged Kayla, but she took about another 16 hours to respond, and she said she didn’t pick Madisyn up, Madisyn wasn’t at her house, she hadn’t seen her. Matthew asked Madisyn’s friend Heather if she’d heard from her; Heather said no. None of Heather’s texts were answered either.

We started yesterday, day three, gathering her things out of the kitchen and bathroom. Today is boxing all her things up, and bagging all of her clothing, and it’s turning into a “finish up on Sunday” thing, because everyone underestimated how much stuff (clothes, in particular) she has, and the level of mess in that bedroom. Once it’s all boxed/bagged up, we’re putting it on the patio (minus the electronics; they’ll stay in the house until she comes to get her things; they don’t need to be outside until then). She’ll have 30 days after that to get her things, and then it’s done until he has the money to hire a divorce attorney.

But yeah. There we are. I don’t think it’s really hit Matthew, yet. He’s been asking the same questions over and over (that we don’t have actual answers for), but there hasn’t been anything yet, like crying, screaming, whatevering. I know that grief’s a process, and it’ll take a while. But it’s going to be unfun for a while, unfortunately.

And for an addition that won’t be seen by Donnie, in particular: if she lectures me one more time about something I’ve said, or how I’ve said it, or really, anything, I might just lose my mind.

I’ve been snappy – to everyone. I don’t think it’s occurred to anyone else in this house, that Madisyn just up and disappearing isn’t fun for me, either. Did I want her married to my son? No. Was I happy that she was making his life miserable? No, I was not. But I’ve spent most of this past year actively trying to like her. Or at least dislike her less. I’d made progress, I thought. And when she was being fun and funny, she was fun to be around. It was when she was stimming that it became less fun (her version of stimming was to walk around smacking the side of her leg, or her ass, or whatever). And her manic (not drug!manic, but still manic) episodes weren’t fun, either. But I was trying. So I’m torn in a thousand different directions over that, PLUS the fact that Matthew is so miserable right now. I’ve been snappy, and I’ve had some meltdowns of my own…very immature meltdowns, I should add. Which I am aware of when they happen, and I’ve been doing my best NOT to throw it on Matthew.

But I am 34 fucking years older than Donnie is. I have been through some major drama of my own, in my life. I have packed and moved more times than years she’s lived. I don’t need her telling me that I can’t keep all the hangers because Madisyn bought them, she was here when they arrived. I wasn’t trying to keep all the hangers. I was separating out the ones that were legitimately mine, and I kept the blue ones so Matthew would have a few to hang HIS things on, should he want to. Also, why would you toss the clothes still on the hangers, into *plastic* trashbags? Where the hangers could poke holes into bags that will be sitting outside for a month? I know that when people move they do that – just toss the stuff into bags or open boxes. *I’ve* done that, when moving. But this isn’t moving. This isn’t the same. But yes, until I pointed that out to her, she was trying to tell me that I was… I don’t know. Doing it wrong? Something.

I was going to wash the dishes, so they would be done (just dinner last night), and also wash the dishes they found while cleaning up the room. But then there was a big deal made about how “I *said* I was going to wash them, Kim. You don’t need to worry about them.”

They’re still sitting in the sink, btw, and I could have long since had them done. I was going to do them, the first time around, at 1p this afternoon. And now there will be dinner dishes, as well.

Anyway, I needed to vent. Thanks for letting me.

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I need help

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 23:14:42 GMT

Hey, y’all.

I hate doing this, and I’m so ashamed that I’m having to do it again, but I am asking for some help. I know things are tight for everyone right now, especially those who’ve been furloughed, or had hours cut, or have had their SNAP benefits withheld because of government stupidity.

We have four things we need to get paid in the next couple of weeks:

Electric, due 11/6; $160
Water, due before 11/22; $190 (that includes a 10% late fee)
Groceries, any amount, for stuff we can’t get from foodbanks: hamburger, chicken, milk, butter, cheese. Ideally $150, but anything.

And we need to get insurance on the junkmobile again. It lapsed, and we need to have it. That’s, I don’t know, about $150-$200.

My Medicaid case manager and I have been making the rounds to try and find funding for the electric and water, but we’re coming up short. Too many in need and not enough resources.

If anyone can help at all, I would be very grateful.

You can use my Paypal account: kimandmattg6794@gmail.com and Matthew has a CashApp which is whiteshotmatt.

Thank you for reading this, and a huge thank you and eternal gratitude if you can help me out.

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