mickeym: (spn_jared seriously?)
Commercial, on the television: "Check with your doctor to make sure you're healthy enough for sex. Seek immediate attention for erections lasting longer than four hours."

Matthew: "I thought you WANT an erection to last. Why would someone go to the doctor?"

Me: *facepalm to eternity*

fun times!

Jun. 1st, 2011 11:31 am
mickeym: (spn_there's no such thing as unicorns?!)
Whereby 'fun' is code for 'again? seriously?':

While watching television last night, one of the ads that came on was for the "His and Hers KY" (or whatever it's called). Of course that prompted the question from Matthew, "what's that stuff for?"

*sigh*

The next fun question came about an hour later, preceded by the hair-raising prelude, "Mom, can I ask you a personal question about sex?"

*mentally steels self* Of course.

"Why would someone think it's not...good, that they don't enjoy...masturbating?"

*raises an eyebrow* "Well..."

That led to a twenty minute discussion about why someone might not enjoy self-pleasuring, including feeling guilty about it. When I told Matthew that a lot of people feel guilty about touching themselves because they're raised to believe that sex/nakedness/whatever is bad or wrong, he said, "why would anyone think that?"

Oh, Matthew.

So he said to me, "is that why you always answer my questions, because you don't want me to think I can't ask something?" I told him yes. No matter if the questions are embarrassing to me, it's worth it if it means he's not going to grow up thinking there's anything wrong with something that's natural and normal. Which of course led to more questions and discussion about the Victorian Era, and how it's only been thirty years or so since Homosexuality was removed from the DSMV as a mental illness.

Randomly: how many Pirates of the Caribbean movies are they going to make?? There's another one coming out shortly. That makes, what, four? Five?

Okay. Back to writing. I *will* finish this story today, or die trying. *nods determinedly*
mickeym: (spn_jared seriously?)
Against my better judgment, I said yes to letting Justin spend the night tonight. So then we decided to get Taco Bell for dinner. While IN the car the lovely boys started their usual schtick involving sex jokes and smart comments, which is ignorable, mostly, because I'm used to it.

But then. THEN...they say to me, "you should write a sex story about us! Matt and Justin, but you could change the names if you wanted, but it should be about us."

WHILE I WAS DRIVING, PEOPLE! Honestly, these kids are lucky I haven't killed all of us, yet.

Needless to say, my answer went something like HELL, no.

Jesus.
mickeym: (misc_calvin is horrified)
'This' being the chance to laugh at me *g* I know [livejournal.com profile] raynedanser is probably still snorting and giggling.

The latest in the serial of sex-and-Matthew: )
mickeym: (misc_calvin is horrified)
Matthew, coming up the stairs: Mom, I got a question for you.
Me: Uh-huh?
Matthew: What's sodomy? Do they mean penetration?
Me: Sodomy means anal penetration...
Matthew: OMG HE'S DISGUSTING!
Me: ...what? Who? What the heck are you watching??
Matthew: The morning news. They arrested some guy for rape and sodomy of a twelve year old girl and ten year old girl.

Then followed a conversation about why anal penetration is called 'sodomy'. *facepalm*

It's too friggin' early for a conversation like that, and we are OUT of diet pepsi.

yikes!

Oct. 27th, 2010 11:32 pm
mickeym: (misc_uniparent: what's your super power?)
The Charmin commercials with the bears? Usually cute and kind of amusing. But the one that starts out with the Papa Bear crooning what sounds like Barry White WHILE CARESSING THE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER? That's just creepy. Yick.

Tomorrow I have the Trustee Meeting for my bankruptcy. I'm anxious, not so much about the meeting itself, but about getting there. Finding parking nearby. Not being late. I'm leaving ridiculously early -- 7a -- even though my appointment isn't until 930a. It's all the way downtown, which means the traffic will be crazy the later I wait to go. I'd rather be early and sit and read while waiting, than be late. But I'll be glad when it's over.

Matthew brought home a copy of the school newspaper today, and while reading through it he says, "hey mom, what does this spell?" and spells out 'provocative'. When I told him the word, then I had to explain to him (and Justin, natch) what it meant. I asked what it was used in. Apparently they had a school-wide poll, "do you think girls dress too provocatively" (or something to that effect). O_O

The best conversation (lately) with my kid was a few days ago, after he went up to Walgreens to buy batteries for his XBox controllers: )
mickeym: (misc_uniparent: what's your super power?)
Yesterday I was telling Matthew about the bizarre dream I had, and when I was done he said, "You have weird dreams. I just have sex dreams." I blinked at him and said oookay, thanks so much for sharing, and then added that he needed to make sure he changes his sheets regularly if he's having those sorts of dreams... and he says "why?"

Which then, of COURSE, led me to having to explain what wet dreams are. *facepalm*

So today he says to me, "you know how you were telling me yesterday about having an orgasm while you sleep?"

I said, "Don't even finish that sentence, I don't want to know."

Cue him laughing so hard he snorted.

I might have to kill him. Anyone up for helping me dispose of the body?
mickeym: (misc_i heart somebody with aspergers)
Update on the sunburn: it's actually a lot worse than I initially thought. I mean, it's healing now, not as bad as it was Thursday evening/night, but if I had to guesstimate, I'd put it at somewhere between first and second degree burn, probably edging close to the second degree. At least along his shoulders and at the top of his back. I noticed tonight, probably because I made him kneel down so it was easier to put lotion on him, that the skin there is actually bubbled a little. Not full-on blistered, but damn close, and I'll be keeping a close eye on it. Meanwhile he's taking cool showers, and we're alternating solarcaine and lotion applications, and alternating tylenol and advil, and the kid is probably close to drowning, I'm pushing so much water and gatorade on him. He's sleeping a lot, too, which is good. (It kind of freaked me out Friday, he LAID DOWN FOR A NAP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON. O_O)

I told him it's critical that he stay out of the sun probably for the next week, because any more burn on top of what he has probably would result in blisters. "So?" he asked, and I told him blisters can break and leave exposed raw skin/open sores, which can lead to infection. He didn't like the sound of that. He also didn't argue with me, so I think...maybe...he's learned a lesson from this.

Also, the job interview went well enough (have I mentioned lately how much I loathe group interviews? Or committee, whatever they're called? Ugh). I have another one Monday, different office (different county, even).

Because of all the assorted uncomfortable topics flying around LJ and fandom this past week, Matthew and I had some incredible conversations. )
mickeym: (misc_i love you)
Anyone who reads this journal even semi-regularly knows my stance on talking to my kid and sharing information. I keep it to small bites at a time, since his attention span is only about <> big, and I keep it age-appropriate, but I feel -- always have -- that I'm not doing him any favors by shielding him from stuff, no matter what that 'stuff' might be, or how unpleasant it might be.

I sat down tonight with Matthew, and talked to him about what all went on this weekend, and why I was inordinately cranky and withdrawn. I'd flip-flopped on whether or not I was going to say anything, but one of the skits on RAW tonight (yes, wrestling twice a week *g*) involved one of the wrestlers getting up into a woman's face and doing the whole physical intimidation thing. The woman is not a popular character (most people boo and yell whenever she appears), and there were no doubt a bunch of different things the writers were intending to get a reaction for, but after an entire weekend-plus of discussions and comments and posts about non-consensual things, and sexual assault, and survivor stories... it was too much. Add to that was Matthew sitting there chanting, "do it! do it! do it!", and I told him to turn off the TV and get comfy, because we were going to talk.

I laid it all out for him. Gave him the background info, explained the differences between professional conventions and fan-run cons, and about safe fannish space etc., and then told him what went down, as people pieced events together. Explained to him how I wouldn't bring him with me any more, like I did in '08, because he's too much a guy now, and I wouldn't do that to my fellow con-goers. I told him about my experience with sexual assault and why I'm so adamant that he needs to wait a while longer yet before having sex. I told him I expect him to be a responsible, caring person if he ever EVER sees a woman (anyone really, but the focus of this conversation was women, natch) in trouble or if he suspects she might be in trouble. "I don't like to get involved in stuff that's not my business," he said, and I told him it was his responsibility in certain situations TO get involved. Call the cops, make sure the people don't leave. Whatever it takes.

Asked him if he would get involved if it was Ruby or Sophie (his cousins), and he said yes. I said that every woman is someone's sister, cousin, aunt, mother...and every woman deserves nothing less than to know someone will come to her aid if she needs it, and not just if someone is taking advantage of her sexually, but in any way. (Had to tie it back into why the skit on RAW upset me so much.) That it is NEVER OKAY for anyone to intimidate anyone else, or make them feel afraid or uncomfortable, and unfortunately it happens a lot with guys intimidating women.

This wasn't the first time we've discussed this, and it won't be the last time, but each time I think he gets a little better understanding (I hope) of what it means for a woman to have to navigate her way through what is still, in so many ways, a man's world -- and the dangers we face every day, doing so. I'm hoping to instill in him a sense of responsibility to look out for people in general, because it's the right thing to do.

And now, I think I'm going to go collapse. What a bunch of days this has been, hasn't it? *dies*
mickeym: (spn_jared at the airport)
Tonight was the night I said to Matthew, "I wish you'd watch Supernatural with me tonight, it's not as much fun without you."

*facepalm*

Cutting for why, as it's spoilery for tonight's ep. )
mickeym: (spn_tech support sammy)
OHMYGOD. Matthew's been up on my computer because I'm down here on the laptop, and he just comes down the stairs and says "I heard this buzzing sound and I was looking around, and I opened a drawer on your desk and found this thing, and what is it?" So I asked him if it's lavender and he said "no, it's silver." (it's really lavender)... and he says "so what is it?" To which I said "it's a vibrator, Matthew." And he's all "what is it?" "it's a vibrator." "Huh?" "IT'S A SEX TOY OKAY?" "Ohmy GOD, Mother!"

Ahh, kids. Life is never, ever, EVER dull with them around.

*headdesk*
mickeym: (Default)
In all the frantic OHMYGODness of the homework disaster the other night, I forgot to share the one positive, absolutely hilarious (unless you were Matthew *g*) moment of conversation we had.

Him: Blah blah blah talking about something to do with the last SGA ep we watched.
Me: Oh! I was right about the actor who played (whoever the character was) on that ep, he did play the best friend in Ferris Bueller. Recycled actors!
Him: Recycled actors? Huh?
Me: When you see the small one-shot, or small-part actors show up here, there, on a lot of different shows.
Him: Like the guy on the SG-1 clone episode?
Me: Yeah, like him. Or, you know the episode where Jack comes out of cryo-freeze, and thinks he's 75 yrs in the future, and there's a female scientist, doctor, who ends up being a Tok'ra?
Him: *frowns* Yeah...I think so...
Me: Well, that actress also plays Ellen, on SPN.
Him: Really?
Me: Oh, yeah. And MAN, she's *hot*.
Him: *staring suspiciously at me* Hot...like, she's a friend you think is good-looking, or hot like that l-word? (imagine him making "L" noises, trying to remember the word...)
Me: Lesbian?
Him: Yeah! Hot like a friend, or hot like a lesbian, like you would date her?
Me: Oh, I would totally date her. I might have a girlfriend some day.
Him: HOW DID WE GET STARTED ON THIS CONVERSATION?? I'M EATING!
Me: *dissolves into a fit of laughter*
mickeym: (misc_pink elvii for the win)
In all my !!!!! over packing and the debate and everything last night, I forgot the share the absolute highlight of my day yesterday:

Matthew: "Every girl hates me."
Me: "...I doubt every girl in the wor--"
Matthew: "All the girls in my school hate me."
Me: "I seriously doubt it, honey. They're just like you: not sure what to say/do."
Matthew: "I don't want to die a virgin, mom."
Me: "...!!!..."

WE WERE IN THE CAR, people! I WAS DRIVING!

Seriously, it's a testament to my driving skills that I didn't wreck, because if there was anything I was expecting him to say? It wasn't THAT.

*headdesk*

Definitely need to reiterate the "always use condoms, always!" speech.
mickeym: (misc_nipple play clamp and run)
Matthew and I just finished watching Die Hard. The highlight of watching this film with my kid?

When McClane says to the Deputy Chief whatshisname, "You're the one who just got butt-fucked on television" (or something to that effect -- "butt-fucked" was used), Matthew turns to me and says:

"What's butt-f'd mean?"

*headdesk*

I explained it. "M/f sex is penis-into-vagina; when two guys have sex, they use the anus (him: 'anus'? me: 'where you poop from'), thus it's called anal sex...butt sex...butt fucking. It's a very crude way of saying "you're screwed"."

The look on his face was pretty entertaining, but please God, or whomever is listening, I don't want to have another conversation like that any time soon. Good grief!

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